Doppelgänger

You rise from my ashes
Someone like me
I seem to know you from long ago

Your hands are clenched into tight fists
Like you are raring for a fight with the whole world

But your heart, unlike mine,
Is not made of glass
That breaks easily
With harsh words
And betrayals

You rise from my ashes.
Invincible.
You contain the fire only you can.
The kind that ignites in you
After you have died a thousand deaths.

Hungry for Words

When I was a kid,
I used to learn words from a dictionary.
Five each day.

I trailed my tiny fingers through the black ink,
Relishing the consonant and vowels
As my tongue rolled around those invisible delicacies.

In love with a distinct sound so much
That I would say it over and over again.
Until I felt it was a part of me.
And I could conjure it when I was in trouble.
Like a good friend who always shows up
Even if you had a fight.

Sometimes, I would read to my dog.
He slept through most of it.

I will not lie
even though I could
If I tried really hard.
But
the biggest love of my life
Is this language I’m speaking in.

It calms the storms in my heart.
Connects me to people
who have their own stories to tell.
And I listen with every inch of my body.
Just like the voracious child I once was-
Hungry for words.

Looking for new ways to string sentences together.
Paragraphs that make me forget to exhale for a moment.
The depths of someone’s love, grief, or rage.
Fascinated by someone’s mind.
Thinking -‘Wish I could write like that!’
A certain kingship stronger than blood.
A love more enduring than any other love.

Of Language and Accents

People pick up accents from where they live and work. When people accuse you of faking an accent, they probably think that you are doing it on purpose and struggling behind it. But expressions and phrases can make their way into your vocabulary organically. It depends on the amount of interaction with the locals.

We were taught British pronunciation and spellings in school. But now, I need subtitles to understand thick British accents on TV. The nature of language is fluid. What was once yours can become foreign one day. Though Hannah Arendt once said in her famous interview: 'What remains? The language remains.' What happens to those who do not have the opportunity to continue learning their mother tongue? I see a lot of children born in the US conversing exclusively in  American English. Some might feel it is a cultural betrayal.

But I want to tell them- the kids are growing up in a different environment. Their teachers, friends, family friends speak a common language. If they choose to converse in American English, let them. If some day they feel the need to learn about their roots, they will. Of course, some people make sure the kids are exposed to their mother tongue. Since Hindi, Bengali, or Tamil is not taught in schools here, it means extra coaching. I admire the tenacity. But is it really essential to love your mother tongue first? Learn of course, but love? What if someone can converse better in a different language? I love reading Bengali literature, but that doesn't mean I have to treat the first language I learned in school (English) differently All are mediums to express my thoughts. And no matter how many words I use in what language, I never feel it is complete.

Are you articulate?

You will never see a European apologizing for his accent. Almost 7 years in the U.S, and I still speak very Indian English, neutral at best. My professors always graded me well for presentations, potential clients understand what I say, and yesterday I had a 2-hour long conversation with someone who shares my passion for women empowerment.

Sometimes, I speak very fast (trying to change that). Recently, I have downloaded an app that helps me to analyze my pronunciation by comparing audio waves with a template. I have a lot to learn. I am taking a course in public speaking to boost my confidence.

But when I look at the videos of successful people of Indian origin in Silicon Valley, I don't see them faking an accent. All I see is their competence, their expertise, their depth of knowledge in their chosen field. And this makes me believe that confidence and articulation comes from a thorough understanding of your subject- you can not fake that.

Update: My friends and family say that my accent has changed organically over the years. I will upload another soundcloud file to examine the difference.