Tom and Jerry: The Theory of Happiness

On Happiness

I have always believed that it is unfair to expect someone else to make us ‘happy’. It has to come from within. We have to find the path that leads us to it. We may love to spend time with someone, but our happiness, our purpose in life has to be defined by us. The achievement of our goals should make us feel more fulfilled, whether someone else validates it or not. If you find someone who travels well with you on your journey, it is great.

But I want you to know that you are enough.

No plan B. Period

The greatest contentment of my life was when my brother said to me: I am proud of you sis. You have taken all the right decisions in your life.

I am saying this to myself when I make the next BIG decision of my cosmologically insignificant life. If I can't be happy with my decision, I can't make others happy.

So here's to my quest for happiness, which gets defined by how I view it, and what elements I want to include in my happiness realm. There has never been a plan B. There won't be one this time.

The End

Someone told me recently that the real story in the movies begin after 'The End.' But most of us try to hasten to a point where we can see it happening in our lives.

Am I in a rush too? Sometimes, yes. When you know you want something, you probably want to have it as soon as you can. But happiness is like an ever extending horizon, your range of perception expands to include other elements as soon as you reach your destination.

I want to live it, see myself transform as I am introduced to newer desires. And I am sure it is going to be beautiful. Till then and beyond it.

In Pursuit of HappYness III

IUnlike some sages of the old, I believe- you can't be happy by secluding yourself. You might not get hurt by being passive, but you won't be happy either. When you want happiness, you have to involve yourself in what you do. And since just one thing or one person can't give you all the happiness, you have to engage yourself in numerous creative activities that make you happy. Naah, more.. that get you ecstatic. Whether it is composing music or working for the less privileged- you have to give yourself a chance to bring out the best in you - in something which you probably didn't know existed as a potential.

And then you can channelize you energy into the selected few- to maximize your happiness- or state of well being. The criteria for choosing them might differ from individual to individual. In the end, everyone defines happiness for himself/herself.

IIIn a lot of ways, I find the Indian education system flawed in this regard(at least during the time I was a part of it). I don't think there is ample scope for a child to choose her area of expertise. Most parents often have preconceived notions about success and they direct their offspring to attain those standards of excellence which they deem to be correct- or are the fruition of their own failed aspirations.

'Let me be like a river. Let me have the right to choose my own path. ' - is what every child should say. I have been fortunate in this regard. My parents never imposed their biases on me. They just suggested alternatives. However, it pains me immensely to see some parents in my immediate family struggling with their kids to excel in domains which they have no talent at.

In Bengali they say - Gaadha pitiye ghoda kora jaay na ( You can't transform a donkey into a horse by beating it) But that is for a farmer who doesn't know the uses of a donkey. Fortunately, there are parents with better discretion.

I wonder what Leonardo Da Vinci's mother (*disregarding/taking into account the historical conjectures made about his personal life) would have had to say about this?

(* Leonardo was the illegitimate son of Messer Piero Fruosino di Antonio da Vinci, a Florentine notary, and Caterina, a peasant who might have been a slave from the Middle East. Source : Wikipedia)

The last revelation

The happiness I seek is within me.
In my work.
In my passion for life.
And the ones who had faith in me in spite of everything.

Cost-benefit analysis of love

Once, I used 'business' as a the metaphor for a relation, much to the dismay of the other participant in the conversation. My point of argument was simple: it has to be 'give and take'. You invest time/emotion/money in someone (essentially what you have) and the recipient pays back in kind with what he/she has in excess or can pay back in. The analogy also bears in mind the profit motive. How many of you would you be in an all-consuming relation? How long? Give an honest reply to yourself, if not to me.

True, the coarse parallel I had drawn failed to emphasize that in my case, affection is the best currency to buy my love. Someone who makes me happy will be cherished. On the other hand, imagine a dark, brooding figure full of cynicism - would I want him/her as my constant companion? Depends. If I can treasure some aspect of the individual that others are not able see through the thick nebula of apparent malevolence, maybe I would.

One of the most important tools of Economics used in day-to-day life is cost-benefit analysis. For example, your decision to skip going to a party when you have a paper due the following day. Here, your low grades (cost of not studying) outweighs the entertainment you would receive (benefit).

Most of the decisions of life are made at those points where you can see the ceiling. An unfeeling person would not reciprocate or would be too emotionally handicapped to realize the affection you are bestowing upon him/her. A sensitive soul would point it out to you the convenience of being variably capacious when it comes to affection. Of course, aur bhi gham hai duniya mein mohabbat k siwa :D

Nevertheless, a relationship changes you in more ways than you can imagine. In fact, when you decide to change for someone you love, even you are surprised to discover what you have become. You may learn to control your temper considerably, become more accommodating , or simply begin to appreciate the fact that everyone needs his/her own space sometimes. The cost is loving someone else, the benefit is your becoming a better, more-balanced individual.

All things said, the fact remains - no Economist or Biochemist can take away the magic of love.

P.S. This post is for SG who said "Eto to likhis, agey bhalobasha kaake bole bujhe ne.Seta niye likh." This is what I understand :)

Identity

I had a serious issue when I joined the afternoon shift in Holy Cross School, Agartala. Ma'm Sujata introduced me to Ma'm Padmakali saying that : She is Anirban's younger sister. I came home furious and asked Ma : Why can't they just say 'Aparna Kar'? Ma reasoned: They don't know you well enough. Your brother is a topper in the afternoon shift, and they have taken his classes, it'd be easier for Ma'm Padmakali to relate to you that way. Soon, they will know your name too. Her words came true sure enough. By the time I left school, teachers who never took my classes started calling me by my name, which was pleasant of course. That reminds me, in those days, I mentioned in slambooks- 'The happiest moment of my life: is when strangers to me call me by my name.'

Dada was five years senior to me in school, and there was never any scope of sibling rivalry, except maybe when we had to decide who has taken a bigger scoop from the butterscotch flavored brick ice cream. But the problem wasn't just that. My father was a well known figure and I was afraid that I'd grow to be in his shadows. But he explained perspicuously that no matter how tall your grandfather was, you always have to do your own growing. I remembered that.

Later, I had all the freedom I needed. I had to make my own decisions and I wasn't 'also someone's somebody' anymore. I was just myself. I made my choices. A few right and a few wrong ones. But I grew up. I became what I am today. And I am still learning.

Today, I look back with mirth at the anguish of a ten year old for being called 'Anirban's sister,' or ' Amitabha Da's daugther' or even ' Abanimohan Kar's granddaugther'. They all made their mark in their own ways. They did something that gave them a name to reckon with. When my younger cousins are addressed as 'Aparna's brother' at school, I wonder how do they feel? Do they have a desperate urge to break my academic records or set a new family tradition in some kind of achievement? Or do they look at those who address them that way with contempt?

Maybe I will try to find out next time. As of now, identity has assumed a new meaning. I wouldn't mind being called so and so's daugther. And I equally relish the moments I hear someone address Dad as 'Aparna Kar's father'. However, I would shun it if I develop a tendency to seek approval for my own existence from someone else.

We all need our space to grow. A little freedom to be ourselves. Freedom. What a delusive concept! You can't have your individual identity without the freedom to express yourself. Nonetheless, absolute freedom can corrupt. Imagine a world where anyone is free to do anything he/she pleases ! This invites the next factor: Self control. But that's a topic for another post. Till then, be yourself. Life is too short to be someone else.

Life means more...

SG1 said to me recently, happiness to him is sleeping - when the mind is blank and we are at our vulnerable most.

For me, it is waking up to realize that you can materialize your dreams. It is seeing yourself each day become what you have always wanted to be. Happiness is in being alive, living each moment, being yourself.

I'll borrow his idea of visibility of happiness though-> It's the total spectrum that matters. If you digitize it, you might find discrete packets which are not-so-happy, but the overall effect should be of the color of gaiety.

This reminds me of a poem I had read on a greeting card years ago, which keeps playing in my mind every time I make fragile efforts to define happiness:

"Each day has a gift to give,
Small joys and great ones too
Beauty to see and songs to hear
And wonderful things to do.
Enjoy each to the fullest;
For they add up to nothing less-
Than a life full of lovely moments
And a heart full of happiness."

What does happiness mean to you?

Girls' Night Out

I had gone to Medford to visit a friend last Saturday. How I know her is easy to explain but difficult to comprehend.

My first time at Davis Square and I immediately liked the young, restless crowd of students at the park in front of Somerville Theater who had their conversations richly punctuated with words like "fucking", "shit" etc that made English sound almost like an alien language. Reminded me of my undergrad days where shouting profanities in the street was considered cool. SS suggested that we go to J.P.Licks and have Kahlua. Having an ice cream on a cold winter evening is also my idea of having fun. She showed me a newspaper and asked if I can find a recurring theme. I observed : 'It seems to be for transgenders.' and added that Massachusetts was the first US state to legalize marriage of same-sex couples.

We aborted the idea to get into a pub because neither of us was carrying a passport or proof of age. We took a bus to Arlington Street and then walked to Sharon Street where she lives. I got introduced to her roommate SG2 who is pursuing her MS in Occupational Therapy and had an interesting conversation about Dyslexia, Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Autism and other spectrum disorders. I tried to explain what Strategic Consulting means and sang a song about MBTI profiles and Jungian philosophy.

It was dancing to loud peppy numbers like hostel days again. And someone else cooking for me. Which felt good for a change, of course. We played 'Truth or dare?' , an old favorite till around 2:30 in the night and retired to bed promising that the one who woke up earliest would rouse the others. It was 11:49 AM by my watch when I opened my eyelids dreamily on Sunday morning.

SS showed me the snaps of her ex boyfriend who was my classmate in middle school. I hadn't seen him since a long time. Incidentally, he called up the same evening and I got to talk. It was awkward. I knew what had transpired between them, partially from a friend and now I didn't know whether to completely avoid it or say something. Personally, I don't like people intruding into my private affairs and I'd hate myself if I have to do it some time. But when I saw her face lit up when he had called and the fondness with which she was showing his pictures to me, I wished to say : 'You guys look great together' but I bit my lip and kept quiet. I hope that they get to be together again but I don't really know what is the best thing to ask for. She reminded me of who I was, about an year and a half ago. Lost, wanting a way with life, and very much in love with memories. I got over it. And somehow she assumed that I did.

I was reading 'Interpreter of Maladies', the Pulitzer winning short stories' collection of the then débutante Jhumpa Lahiri. Her language is not artful but she has a knack of scribbling down minute details which gives life to the pages. In "A Temporary Matter' for instance, she writes: Shukumar gathered onion skins in his hands and let them drop into the garbage pail, on top of the ribbons of fat he'd trimmed from the lamb.

I appreciate lucidity of expression even if it is an intense book. But profundity coupled with simplicity comes naturally to probably a mature writer. If not in biological age or in volumes of published works, at least, in perception.

I wish to know a lot more people than I have already known. Feel what they feel. Empathize with them. Notice what makes them sad, and more importantly- what makes them happy. I believe that what makes you smile defines you more than what makes you weep. You can cry when in agony or in pain or when insulted. But you can laugh at them too and more. Also, there is no greater put off than misplaced humor.

In truth or dare, SG2 asked if would I ditch a guy if someone better came along. I said 'No" laconically at first. Then I expanded : It takes a lot of time to build something but hardly a moment to destroy it. I'd not want to ruin something which we both invested in. Not until things go really wrong. The greatest human tragedy is not people falling out of love with each other. It is one falling out of love with oneself.

The girls' talk continued, encompassing guys and their flimsy ways to win over a girl, how the other sex has better culinary skills nowadays, where is a good shop to have a bargain, where threading can be done instead of waxing eyebrows etc. Typical, and enjoyable. Something you can never have with a guy sticking around. We made pancakes in the morning and it was my idea, SS's provisions and SG2's execution. SG2 asked us to have them while she made them hot, we insisted we would wait for her to join us too. It led to the collective confession of how much we felt that we are becoming more like our moms , viz the joy in 'serving hot' to others while we are in the kitchen.

I guess my mother did not rest satisfied about my domestic abilities until my brother and friends called her up to give me certificates of merit. Sometimes I think it is strange - it feels like another world where I was not even allowed to fetch a glass of water for myself (Jal gariye khaoya in Bengali) Now, from grocery to laundry- everything has to be done on my own. Not that I despise it- it is just a way of life here. And I have got so used to cooking everyday that I got back in the afternoon to cook something because I felt as uneasy as I'd have if I hadn't brushed my teeth in the night.

Growing up is fun!

Happiness is : a boxful of crayons

I read this story as a little kid, about a boy who heard that a treasure lies buried where a rainbow meets the Earth. When he saw rainbows, he would run hither thither to find the fortune. Needless to say, he never found one.

Somehow that child lives in us. All our lives, we chase what we believe achieving will make us happier, better, stronger... but the list of comparatives is as delusional as the treasure. We never attain it. We spend a lifetime preparing for a lifetime. The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. Happiness is where you are. (John Burroughs said: "opportunity" )

I bought colored pencils to fill my scrapbook and I am having the fun of my life being a kid again. It might sound silly but you will be surprised to know how effective it really is.

You have the colors in your hand. Go, paint your sky.:)


Photo courtesy: www.superdog.com, nationalgeographic.com

Back to Square One

Thank you for all the wonderful responses in my last post. Kudos to intelligent_bacteria for saying : love is just a way of life. However, I also agree with dharmabum's "I believe love isn't 'because of'...Love is, 'in spite of'.." Someone who loves you at his/her convenience doesn't love you at all. But this conjures a scary thought- does it exist in the plane of reality then? Or do we have to satiate ourselves with philosophical discussions and quotable definitions? I am yet to learn.

Nevertheless, there is one love I have great faith in. And that's self-love. There is no adultery, no fraudulence associated with it, unless you are clinically insane. You are the only person you have the power to change. And the only unit of existence that you can constantly evolve into something better with conscious efforts.

I viewed an old post and was pleasantly surprised to find that three of the four wishes I had made last year have come true. I am expanding my wish list to include the following. It is more of a task list I want to refer to when I am lounging away (make that #10 :D):

9. I want to work for some years after my MBA before I pursue higher education again.
8. I want to publish my second book.
7. I want to learn driving soon.
6. I want to keep enhancing my vocab and oral presentation skills. I have a very good voice and excellent eye contact (Prof. Novak's evaluation) But I feel I can make my my body language more enthusiastic.
5. I want to master the art of getting straight As in all my reports .
4. I want to complete the tutorial CDs I got for improving my German.
3. I want to finish reading : Shantaram, Walden and The Heart of Darkness
2. I want to "Stay hungry" and "Stay Foolish".
1. I want to be me.

*****
Quote of the Day:
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
-Oscar Wilde

Love just is..

Love isn't the adrenaline pumping in prurient youngsters or gossip running in a racy red dress ahead of news. Love just is.
It is the belief that someone will be happy to see you at the end of a tiring day.
It is feeling glad to lie side-by-side holding hands.
It is the fragrance that lingers when he/she hugs you goodbye and you don't know when you will see him/her next; but you hope it is soon.

It is the whispering of those magical words in a crowded airport.
It is the smile across a hall full of strangers that means- "I'm here".
It is the silent promise which says more than words ever can.
It is weeping because the other was hurt.
It is laughing together on a silly joke.
It is letting him/her have the last bar of chocolate you saved for yourself.
It is hating his yellow shoes or her brown sweater and telling him/her that without any preamble.
It is sharing an umbrella on a rainy day and splashing on puddles.
It is sipping ginger tea on a cold evening together .
It is his saying "Excellent" to describe a dish she cooked , even though she knows there should have been more salt.
It is her saying "Not long", when she has waited for hours and he knows it too.
It is creating happiness out of nothing.

All my life I believed that I know what love means but I feel disenchanted today. It's a lot more than I could have ever known. Like I said- love just is.

Credit to Imputrescible's In the Name of Love, for triggering this random chain of thoughts, on a topic I had been avoiding lately, for reasons unknown to me.
And the person to whom I gave flowers today.Happy Anniversary!

Ayushman Bhava

Meaning "long live ", is a Sanskrit phrase often uttered by elders in Bengali Hindu culture, when they bless the young ones. I recollect that on every birthday or religious festival or upon the  declaration of my exam results, I'd run to my paternal grandparents to touch their feet in reverence. ( Called pronam in Bangla. I lost my maternal grandparents early, so I don't have many memories with them.)

My now late paternal Grandpa (Thakurda) would insist that I be adorned with "Dhaan-Durba" ( grains of rice with the seed coat and a type of grass )while he closed his eyes in prayers for my well being. I liked that so much that when my other cousins hurried to brush off their hair of the yellow and green bits, I'd let those stay on, pretend that I didn't notice, and let out an Oscar-winning "Oh!", when any of them pointed out "Hey you still got bits on your hair!"

It made me feel special. It made me feel cared for and blessed. I wanted to keep it with me as long as I could.

One day I asked my Grandpa the significance of using the combination. He opined that the grains and the grass signified prosperity and health, respectively. The age old idea of "Gola bhora dhaan"= "barn full of grain" represents affluence; and that special grass has the amazing capacity to regenerate even after a house and its lawn have been completely destroyed by fire. So, when elders wish for our long lives by pronouncing "Ayushman Bhava" (or "Ayushmati Bhava" while blessing a female child), they also wish us a life of prosperity and health along with longevity. Maybe I treasured those bits because I knew what it meant while most of my other cousins didn't.

The last time I got dhaan-dubba was when I went home to visit my family before coming over to Boston. My grandma said that I wouldn't be in India by the time my birthday arrived (14th September), so she wanted to give me blessings and some INR ( I still have that money in my bag ). This little rite is something that is probably going to die out with time. And I don't know, several years later if I try to put grain and grass on my kids' heads, maybe they'll think "Mom is crazy" or file a case for harassment. Maybe not.

Whatever, back to present. I was walking to school when I saw the snow melting on the lawn and the green grass still thriving beneath the sheets of ice, and it all came back to me.
*****
This post comes at the wake of an unfortunate event when an oil tanker truck blew up in Everett. One of the houses destroyed was Carol's - a MGT671 classmate of mine, who has lost all her possessions. It makes it even more difficult with the semester end approaching. I'd probably try to take out my passport, credentials and my laptop with all my assignments in case of a fire emergency- whether I manage to take out a coat at -13 degree C or not.

I request anyone reading this post thus far to take a moment to wish her strength and courage to ease her through this trying times. I might/might not believe in God the way most people do, but I definitely believe in the great strength of will.

I have grown up near a commercial center and have seen two major fire incidents where I witnessed some people lose everything. One of the women crying like an insane person on the street was a mother who had saved all the gold ornaments in her shop for her daughter's wedding the following day. Some slaves can be real bad masters.

Gaining resilience

Today, I had gone to meet my Program Director Dr. William Koehler to discuss which courses I'd be taking up next semester. He observed: "You have a marketing personality. Accountants are not so lively" and winked. Honestly, Financial Accounting is not really one of my favorites. I love the subject, but not the class which is lecture-based owing to its theoretical content, and for that reason, is highly somniferous.

I might narrow down to Economics, Marketing Management, Business and its Environment and/or a class in Fund-raising. The last one was specially recommended by him after he saw me attending an info session on fund-raising and non-profit organizations a fortnight ago.

I was interested 'cause of the purpose associated with non-profits. In fact, the Mgt650 project of Organizational Analysis ( The basics of Strategic consulting. My most favorite class - mentioning it for the nth time I guess) is on an organization working for community inclusion of the physically disabled.

One thing I learned at the session was that you can do well by doing good too. Some of the salaries cited were brow-raising. But then, nothing comes easy. You have to work for insane hours for an event. Not that I am scared to work. I like the high I get from sleepless nights. But I fear the lull that follows it.

I still remember the day I kept sitting on campus grounds after the cultural fest got over in my first year of undegrad. So much preparation had gone into it. And so much excitement was associated with it. Those three days had my adrenaline pumping like crazy. I met new people, made new friends and my life changed to never be the same again.

So, getting back to it. I don't fear stress. But the leisure to realize that I am not busy enough. I asked Bill if I should take 4 courses instead of the 3 courses usually taken by a full time student. He asked me not to overexert myself. The classes need to be well paced too. I might apply for GA, I have not decided yet. But my primary concern right now is my internship next summer. Hmm. Lots on my table. Not a wonder that I have begin to care less and less about more and more now. To be truthful, I don't think I can afford redundancy in any form. Sorry if I ranted about myself. But this is something important to ME and I think I deserve a chunk of this space even at the cost of boring my readers. :D

Was feeling too tired to log onto my private blog and post it there.

Thanks for listening. :)

P.S I forgot to mention the incident that gave the post its title. After my team meeting yesterday , I had gone to Shaw's to get some grocery done. On my way back, I saw a kid pushing a heap of maple leaves with his feet - just for the fun of it. His ability to create happiness out of all most nothing is something intrinsic to children, which usually fades out with time.( I used to turn a chair upside down and pretend it is my space station. Or transform my bed into a stage and row up my chairs asking my friends to be an audience *always the limelight hogger :D * )

I asked the kid, "Is it fun?" He shied away at first but then nodded his head and said "Yeah. It is" Without a second thought, I leaped into those leaves, with grocery bags et al and said "It sure feels good." There was a chap passing by, probably wondering why an adult woman is jumping onto a heap of leaves. But who cares? Why should I stop being myself?

Yuppie! It's my first snow

The weather forecast said it's going to be 2 degree C today. And I did not know that it needn't be 0 to have a snowfall. Of course , now when I think of it, the upper atmosphere is colder. ( How could I have forgotten my Standard VII geography lesson: Air temperature drops uniformly with altitude at a rate of approximately 6.5° Celsius per 1000 meters)

So, when my roommate said it is snowing outside, I stopped whining about how I am going to miss my favorite class this Thursday (no MGT650 on Thanksgiving) and jumped with joy. I was about to go out in flipflops and shorts to save time but that would have been too adventurous for my health. I took exactly 5 secs to pick a coat, a cap, a pair of jeans and rush downstairs.

And I did everything I had always wanted to viz catch snowflakes with my tongue ( the cold sting is amazingly invigorating), let the snow flakes rest on my nose and eyelashes, and walk with chips of snow falling on my coat and melting at the tips of my shoes.

There's a beauty associated with everything you experience for the first time. Repetition often takes the charm away. But some things always make me happy. Like the rains. I said "Balls to the storm" to reach Cambridge once, when weather prediction was that Noel could hit. I can't see it as severity of weather , but as something different. (Not wise always.Note to myself)

I know winters can be boring with almost no outdoor activities. And indoor activities restricted only to watching movies, reading ,cooking or browsing the net ( How much can an average human being sleep? )But I am going to try and make the best of it. :)

But yeah, you miss your near ones at times like this :(

Why do I feel sometimes that the magnitude of my happiness depends on sharing it? OMG! I had a life! What am I doing to myself? Get out of it! Get out of it! *develops a severe case of OCD*
*****
Ok. Here's a caption contest. Write whatever comes to your mind when you see these pics. I told AM : "Solitude is the mother of creativity" when he sent them in a mail saying :
picked up my cam and tried seeing things around the room ...
my life is restricted to my room ... and you say you don't have one?!!
Jesus! if only people would ... :D
well, tell me what you think about the pics ... and you can cut out the sweet things like "oh, they're nice" ... that's what i expect from other mortals, not you

Ok then, here you are: ( I know it totally depends on the mental frame you are in at a particular moment. I just want a snapshot of your mind. Don't dwell on it too much. Needn't be one word caption either)
#1

#2


#3


#4

Amour propre

I did something after a long time today.
I looked into the mirror, pronounced :"Hey Gorgeous, you look beautiful", smiled at myself , blew a kiss and said "I love you".

I don't know how many of you will find it weird and how many actually practice it, but I'm feeling great right now. It is an integral element of my happiness that I was overlooking for a while.( Past continuous and not present perfect continuous - deliberately )
Will take better care from now on.
As they say, "To love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance".
Cheers to the reviving of an honest relationship.
Care to join in?
Start kissing your mirrors right away.
And if you don't feel good- sue me!

*****
Random thought:

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived..

-Henry David Thoreau ,"Walden", 1854

The elements of happiness

I want you to do this little exercise:
1. Sit in a secluded/peaceful ambiance
2. Close your eyes
3. Fast forward your life by 10 years
4. And list three elements of happiness you can think of.
I have been asking my friends to do this lately and the answers are same in essence as much as they are varied. (You can skip the first two steps if u want :P And remember to comment first and see the other comments later)

Happiness is only grin deep

CAUTION:Roller Coaster ride ahead. Make sure your seatbelts are fastened.
Phew! The Financial Accounting mid sem is finally over. I had a satisfactory test except that I could have done with some more time.

Prof Novak is out on a tour, so no Mgt650 class today and that gives me an extended weekend with no real course load. Except brushing up on the case study due next Thursday, making a team presentation for Wednesday and reading M-1 for Accounting on Monday. Also, I have a report due in another 2 weeks.And I'm seriously trying to give my patented Indian style of working at the 11th hour.

Wow! Infinite possibilities. I can shop for utilities at Target at South Bay Center, go treasure-hunting in Victoria's Secrets at Cambridge side Galleria Mall near Lechmere station or sleuthing for a reasonably priced beauty salon in Quincy Center. The one I went to in Downtown had charges for waxing like:
Legs: One Leg
Arms: One Arm
Full Body: A new bornSupercuts at Massachusetts Avenue, Central Square gave me a decent hair cut but they suck at waxing and my eyebrows look like a wild assortment of herbs, shrubs and trees now :D (Not anymore. Yahoo)

I always feel hyperactive after a major test. Maybe that's why I woke up at 5:20 am . Called up an old friend in India. Cooked two dishes. Talked to Mom ( which I usually reserve the 10 pm slot for) And decided to go bloghopping for a while. It was great to see some really awesome blogs on my way.

Yesterday, I made a pact with myself. I am going to be happy no matter what. Why? Don't really know, other than the obvious reason that it will save me energy. (Claim:It takes greater number of muscles to frown than to smile)

I was climbing the stairs leading to the entrance of McCormack Hall when a couple of students passing by, smiled at me. Then a professor whom I had never met before nodded and smiled too. Before I could realize why they were doing so, a couple of undergrad boys who were clicking photographs, called out to me and said: Hey! Pretty smile girl ! ". And while I walked away confused, I realized that I was smiling without even my realizing it.

When I was a kid, I read in one of my Moral Science lessons that the world is like an echo. It says back to you what you say to it. I'd say it's also like a mirror, it reflects back what you show to it.

Some days back, I was not so happy. There was a lot of confusion in my mind and I wanted answers to questions that troubled me. But I knew I had to wait. Impatience gave rise to anger and to a certain amount of indifference. But I realized that wrath, like any other emotion is ephemeral. I should not give it permanency by showing it to someone else. And that cooled me down.

I am thinking of channelizing the energy I have into doing something more constructive.
To do list:
1. James Franco
2. Robert Pattinson
Oops.. sorry.. Oxford Dictionary for Difficult Words :D

Recently, I have a crush on the word "ensorcell", which means "to enchant". Though it's more of a romantic word, one practical usage can be:"I have been a manager for too long now to be ensorcelled by company policies."

Or to brush up my German. I haven't taken any online test since last week.

Or catch a flick online recommended by a friend. That's really not constructive, specially if it's a Kareena- Shahid starrer. I like Shahid Kapoor's smile. But Kareena mostly overdoes things. I'm glad about their alleged break up. So, all those rumors about Rosa's claims of Saif and Kareena seeing each other were true! (Saif admits dating Kareena) Hmmm . Hope Shahid gets along with Amrita Rao. They look really cute together.

OMG I know more about Bollywood celebrities than I know about my own cousins! But that's probably coz I don't to get to read about their personal lives in newspapers and magazines.

And yeah, I will listen to the CD Ben gave me last week. Couldn't manage time till now. He's the guitarist for a rock group called Full Tilt. And looks quite different from his pictures on the site coz he has cropped his hair and beard now.

Prof Marc Fournier gave us dark chocolates in class yesterday as Halloween treat. By the time, I was over with my 90 min -long and harrowing Accounting test, 2 hrs of guest lecture and 1 hour of discussion about the upcoming team presentations, I didn't have the strength to go to the ballroom and check out the Halloween party in the university. Though I caught glimpses of guys dressed in skeleton outfits.

Maybe next year, I will go out somewhere dressed as a vampire. It's one of my wishes. I have been always fascinated by those creatures and the Gothic romance of Bram Stroker's Dracula by Francis Ford Coppola. It's a refreshing change to see a classy romance laced with horror than the usual B grade movies with hardly any horror but guaranteed meaningless sex and gory scenes ( Yeah, and I still think Hostel was gross. And after hearing about a scene of Hostel 2, I'm not going to try and watch it even if you give me a million dollars)

All in all, I am feeling very content today. But I shouldn't let it get me too far coz it's 2:35 pm by my watch now and I have to grab my lunch.

Btw, here's a version of "Somewhere over the rainbow", a favorite song of mine originally from the the 1939 classic Wizard of Oz.

Also view the one by Connie Talbot from BGT Finals. The innocence of the child's voice can drive anyone to tears.

Kyu ki managers bhi kabhi techi they

This post is dedicated to all the managers who think bossing over people will make them true leaders. ( Who knows- a few years later- I might need to read this post again . I hope not. For my own good reasons)

Some days back someone popped me a message on Gtalk:
AB: Kemon cholche Manushke Chabkanor lesson (How's is it going- your lessons for whipping humans? )

me: You hate your manager- don't you?
( I needn't have asked him- it was more than evident)

AB: Prachanda (Extremely)

I have rarely come across an employee who has said that he/she doesn't hate his/her manager. Let alone like/admire/respect/any other positive emotion. The title of a "manager" or "boss" conjures up the image of Hari Sadu. The brilliantly done ad of the year 2005 that naukri.com had so cleverly used to draw frustrated employers from all over the country to post their resumes in search of greener pastures.

The catch is- the grass only gets yellower. And if you keep job switching all the time, your CV would soon start looking that of a paranoid schizophrenic. If you stay on- you'll probably develop a severe case of Tourette syndrome with associated swearing.

Attrition rates in most companies can be attributed to mismanagement. At least, people I have talked to have mostly pointed that out. What makes a successful manager then?
In theory, we are taught several coveted *personal characteristics of a leader-

• Energy and stamina
• Focus
• Sensitivity
• Flexibility
• Ability to tolerate conflict , etc

(*Organizational Behavior and Processes- Ancona et al)

But in practice, do we really have any time to look back at the management lessons we had in B-schools, when the only concern is to get the job done- in time? I guess not. That is why I believe it is better to practice these values in a perpetual way than trying to resort to them periodically. By that I mean, just like charity begins at home, a good manager begins at home too.

Look at your personal life- are you having too much of conflict in interpersonal relations? Are you cluttering your life with redundant emotions and that is defocussing you from your priorities? Are you unclear about what you want? Are you restless most of the times? Do you have a negative image about yourself which is affecting your opinion about others or what possible opinion they might have about you? Then your life is in total mismanagement. And you need to streamline your efforts to do ONLY the things that are important to you. Life will be simple, uncomplicated and a joy to live.

Eventually, we are all seeking happiness. If we are not getting it then there's something definitely wrong. No point trying to be an ostrich with its head buried in the sand and pretending that nothing is happening around. You have to make a few active decisions . Even if it's as trifling as deciding to start the day 15 minutes early or having a healthy breakfast.

Life is , in the end, the choices we make. And I have heard someone say recently: You get what you want from life. At least 80% of it. I believe it. And also that: Beyond all talent lie all the usual words: discipline, love, luck- but most of all endurance.

So all the best for your love, luck and life. But don't forget the elements. And enjoy the journey.