Loneliness

People do stupid things when they’re lonely. I have been there. I know it. The shadows crawling on the wall are sometimes the only company you have. You’re willing to pay any price to feel alive and present. Your dignity, your body, your pride. But these are not the currencies that can buy you affection. You learn much later that real intimacy is knowing someone really well. How their faces lit up when they’re happy. How their shoulders droop with the weight of their worlds. How you can comfort them by running your fingers through their hair while they rest their head on your lap. There’s no guarantee that you won’t be lonely again. But you’ll always have something to look forward to.

Where is my home?

I was discussing with my friend if adapting to the country you live in is bad. Why should it be?

If you are enamored with a place so much that you will accept poor quality of living just to be in it, then you are making a mistake in my humble opinion. But you can be successful in any part of the world. Boundaries are man-made constraints. Even race is a social construct, a weak proxy for genetic diversity.

Then where is my home? Who are my people?
Home is where you feel welcomed and valued. Sometimes, it can be thousands of miles away from the place you were born in. And my people are those who cheer for me, who motivate me to do better, who help me evolve. My home is right here, in my present.

On Happiness

I have always believed that it is unfair to expect someone else to make us ‘happy’. It has to come from within. We have to find the path that leads us to it. We may love to spend time with someone, but our happiness, our purpose in life has to be defined by us. The achievement of our goals should make us feel more fulfilled, whether someone else validates it or not. If you find someone who travels well with you on your journey, it is great.

But I want you to know that you are enough.

The paradox of success

Sometimes, our success can make us impatient with the failures of others. Maybe we can empathize more with the struggles of the multitude when we are struggling ourselves. But with every ascent, as the height increases, we look down upon those we started with;  not acknowledging that they might have problems that we are not aware of.

We begin to attribute their issues to attitude problem. We might even try to fix it. Try to make them more like us. But success or failure is not the result of just attitude. Twenty other things are as influential. All the maxims oversimplify the truth.

Not everyone has to finish the race at the same time to win. In fact, there is no race at all. If someone asks for your advice, be generous with it. But don't waste time and energy in sheer pedagogy. It is insulting to the receiver.

The paradox of success is this: you have to separate yourself from what you have achieved. What you have might be delightful, but it might not be what someone else wants. Let them find their way to success and happiness.

Breaking point

A family tragedy
When I was about 11 years old, a suicide in the family left us in shock. I saw my mother break down and cry like I had never seen before. My father was fighting hard to hide his tears as he walked out of the house to arrange to get possession of the ‘body’ of the deceased for the family to pay respects and to mourn. Later, I heard that he had carried the head of the corpse on his lap during the 1.5 hours drive back home.

I had met the person some days earlier. He had been nice and had greeted me with a hello I will never forget. It was tragic, of course. Everyone felt guilty for not having seen it coming. Then came the rage- blaming him for being so selfish, for leaving behind two kids who were younger than me, for abandoning the poor patients he had been treating gratis. I am sure that one thing was common for everyone- they kept thinking what they could have done differently to have saved him from hanging himself on a cold January morning.

However, the tragedy brought the family together. We didn’t take each other for granted anymore. For a while, at least. But I am not sure if anyone could have stopped what had transpired. Nobody knows for sure the threshold where an otherwise healthy person just snaps and decides to give up on the world.

Usual reasons
I suspect that it is usually from a sense of deep personal or professional failure that drives people to the edge. A very promising student was found cheating in his exams and was suspended to take his boards for two years. I heard that he later tried to consume phenyl to end his life. Though he survived the attempt, I was left wondering if anything I could say that time would change his grim view of life. He’d have to fight his own battle and come out strong, which I am happy to say he did. We lost touch for a few years, but when we connected again- my respect for him had not diminished in any way as a batch mate. 

Loneliness is another factor that often drives someone into taking extreme measures. Having lived through days when I had to wake up to the same four walls every day with no idea of what the future might hold, I know it can be a very debilitating and emotionally exhausting. Not sensing a purpose of life, facing a terminal/incurable disease or an unfaithful spouse can make Pagliacci cry. 

A few things that worked for me
I have always believed that it is better to hurt back than to end your life for being emotionally bruised. Rage is better than self-loathing. But hatred is a heavy burden to carry. It wears you down and makes you unhappy.

I have found a very simple solution for self-preservation. If someone makes me unhappy more than I care to admit, I give a little space for that person to realize what they have done wrong. The friend who takes a refusal too personally or the relative who never thought you would amount to anything- unkind people will always inhabit the world. More than anything, it is their unhappiness that makes them so. The wise thing to do would be to move on. Honestly, no one can not fix everything and everyone. And if you try to, when would you have the time to create happiness for yourself and others?

When I felt that I was not finding value in my work, I started volunteering. There are billions of people in this world. It is enough to make just one good friend. It helps if you have several. If not a friend, at least, someone you can talk to. Even charmers can be lonely because they never have an authentic dialog. Their objective is to seduce you with their words, not have an honest conversation. 

The least we can do is be honest with ourselves. If we know what we truly seek, we can focus our energy in pursuing that goal. Keeping busy helps. I find myself too exhausted to mull over negative things when I am chasing a personal deadline. As kids, we were often advised to have several hobbies. I write a lot when I am unhappy. It is a way of expressing my frustration. I try to paint. I like to experiment in my kitchen. I try not to care what opinion others have of my creation because it is something I do for myself: fill my time with the therapeutic ritual of making cursive notes on paper, brushstrokes on canvas, chopping vegetables.

Sharing our woes with the world also makes us realize that we are not alone. PostSecret gave me more anonymous friends than I can count. Telling my tale with their words, healing my wounds with their accord. Though I don’t visit it as often anymore, I’d advise anyone having the blues to check the page out.

Lastly, be kind to yourself. You have not been defeated until you have given up on life. At times, I felt the darkness close in on me. Hopelessness would engulf me like a monstrous cloud, dampening my spirits. Then I sought for light within. I played a game with myself –making a list of places I want to visit; things I want to do before I die. Sometimes, I even imagined I was far, far away from my troubles- in a world of relatively more happiness. (I am a realist- perfect happiness doesn’t exist.) I visualized a picture of my happy elements. When I was single, I imagined a man who’d value me for the person I was and would love me like I were a princess who deserved the best. And I did find that guy. Rather he found me.  I think I dreamed him into life.

Also, it is not essential to share your life with someone. A spouse or a good friend is just someone you can count on. But if you are not happy with yourself, you can never give happiness to others. And then you’d have nothing even if you had it all. Don’t let yourself become that bitter person who finds fault with everyone. Try to focus on the positive. After all, we are not perfect ourselves.


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Recommended further reading: Why complaining is killing you

Witch hunting

Salem in colonial Massachusetts was well-known for its witch 'trials'. From June to September of 1692, nineteen men and women were accused of possessing 'supernatural' powers in return for their loyalty to the Devil. The convicted were carted to a barren slope called Gallows Hill and hanged till death. A powerful reminder of the consequences of irrational fear and mass hysteria.

We may look at this part of history with contempt, but we still need a scapegoat to cast our sins upon. It is not uncommon to take out our pitchforks and look for a 'witch' when things go wrong. Some people have trouble accepting that the unhappiness stirring in their lives is not owing to the influence of an extraneous factor, but the repercussions of their fallacies.

As long as they keep looking outward, they can never address the source of their unhappiness. And more is the need to find someone else responsible for it- a horrible boss, an inconsiderate spouse, a conniving in-law, a despicable neighbor, even God or Fate.

This evasion of moral and personal responsibility leads only to one path- towards Gallows Hill of the strength of our character.

Dr. Kalam

Dr. Kalam was the chief guest of Tripura University convocation in 2001. Boro pishi (my eldest paternal aunt) had completed her Ph.D in Zoology. My paternal grandfather had passed away in January that year. Though we missed Grandpa on the occasion, I was elated to accompany her when the degree was conferred. It felt like an honor. We met some of her colleagues-professors of the university- one of whom exclaimed upon the similarities in our facial features. It runs in the family; we laughed.

But most of all, I remember seeing Dr. Kalam in person before he became the 11th President of India in 2002. What a humble man! You want to touch the sleeve of his coat just to know what greatness feels like. Not all politicians or leaders can command respect and admiration so effortlessly. What makes a man great? I am still trying to figure.

Boro pishi wanted me to get a doctorate when I grew up. I thought so too. Even after my MBA, I wanted to be a Doctor in Business Administration. But other things happened. I don't know if I will get a doctorate, but we share respect for a man. An educated but self-effacing man, who worked as a scientist in DRDO and ISRO. But most importantly - someone who was a genuine human being.

Makeup or no makeup

My father did not allow me to use makeup as a kid. Our Catholic school checked our nails to see if we wore polish; those who did were punished with a cane (happened once). Any sign of vanity was reproachable, including single ponies. Someone came up with a rule of two braids for a while (for medium to long hair).

I learned to use an eyeliner when I was in Standard VIII. Mostly because I got my glasses then, and an unfeeling uncle said, ' Poor thing, your pretty eyes will be hidden now.' (Thank you for boosting my self-esteem! )

Dad got me contact lenses in college. But gloss and liners were the only things I owned. Now I wear makeup when I want to. I go bare skin when I want to. I wear glasses with my makeup and like it. It is never the occasion. It is only an expression of how I am feeling.

It was surprising when a highly-educated male friend said one day: 'Why are you so decked up?', in a tone that implied I had murdered a particularly cute kitten. I wanted to say, 'Dude, it is not for you!'

Some women consider other women who wear makeup with suspicion. We are just artists who enjoy the process of enhancing our features. It has nothing to do with being interested in your men. There is no need to disparage the other coterie just because it is not your thing.

Tulips in the snow

Sometimes, a picture is a thousand words. It gave me great hopes see the bright red and yellow flowers blossom from the frozen earth. Made me think- if you have the potential, you will fight even the most unlikely and harshest conditions to grow. 

Human interest stories inspire me. It needn't be the biography of a President or a Nobel prize winner, but stories of regular folks who rise above the occasion and emerge as heroes. A situational hero is as good as any other.

The archetypes usually have inherent goodness; I don't believe that you need even that. You are what you do- and if you go beyond your self-imposed limitations or the benchmarks set by your immediate environment, you are a hero.

(I am looking for such stories; if you have one, email me at thevariegatedsky@gmail.com )

Life is a pilgrimage

As a child, I often wondered why some of the revered temples in India are located in not-so-easy to access places. Instead of building it on a high altitude, why didn't they build it at the base of the mountain? Now, I think it is more about the journey. Days of traveling for your destination, bearing both physical and mental hardships, challenging yourself to face those and completing your itinerary. Meeting others on the way, exchanging stories, and of course, becoming friends. And when you are done, planning the next undertaking.

Life is like that. When you feel something is particularly difficult to achieve, think of the distance you have covered so far. Give yourself a pat on the back and keep walking. There is still so much to see.

Agartala? Where is that?

Recently, a Kaun Banega Crorepati promo (the Indian version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire) has gone viral, and for good reasons.



I shared it on FB and Twitter too, with the message:Do not alienate your own people. If you see others doing it, educate them. I have great belief in the present and the future generations and in their commitment towards equality.

A lot of people ask me where I am from. The typical response is- 'Oh, is that in Assam?' and an accompanying sense of accomplishment with the query. I want to say- 'As much as Puri is in West Bengal', 'Seriously, at least remember the capitals!', 'How much did you score in Geography in school?', but I put on a blank expression and pretend they do not exist. Inner peace.

Travelogue: Los Angeles

Residence Inn, Marriott, Beverly Hills
Most of the times, I favor a home-cooked meal over eating out. This makes establishments with kitchenettes a preferred choice while traveling.(Try VRBO for vacation rentals by owners) This time we booked a suite at Residence Inn for our stay in Beverly Hills. A step down from the usual comforts at home but it can be managed for a week with some effort.

When we first reached LA, we got down at a Ralphs to buy some groceries. The  streets looked sprayed on by a drizzle. Petrichor filled the air. I never realized how much I missed the rains until that moment. California is in a state of drought emergency.

We checked in at about 2 a.m., leaving our car for valet parking for the night. All I wanted was to take a shower and slide into a bed. The porter who helped us with our luggage was a guy named Juan from El Salvador. SG made most of the conversation, I listened.

I wondered how the porter would manage to carry our luggage trolley over the steps. He asked us not to worry, so I left him to his proficiency- I was less experienced in practical matters such as these. I set to refrigerate the groceries at once. He asked us our names, enunciated SG's first name crisply and bade us good night when we paid him for his troubles. When I had settled the kitchen and washroom shelves to my liking, and lent a safe space to my suitcase, I took that shower.

SG discovered a curious thing. The sliding window in our bedroom had no bars/mesh. You could wake up and fall straight on to the street from the 7th floor, if you got up from the wrong side of the bed. The possibility worried me, and I asked him to sleep on the other side. He had to wake up early in the morning, I could roll over and get up safely. Keeping the window as a mere slit also helped.

Monday morning I woke up late, missing the complimentary breakfast (6:30 a.m. to 9 a.m. on weekdays). At first, I thought I'd go for a walk but I seemed surrounded by only dance academies, plastic surgeons and kosher meat.

The kitchen in Riverwood Cottage at Russian River was a dream- it had become the gold standard in my mind. However, it would be unfair to compare, and it would make me unhappy. I try to avoid unhappiness for my long-term health. So, when I came to terms with my new arrangement, I started to plan my meal. A friend was expected for dinner. I decided to keep it simple. Salmon, rice and a vegetable. At home, I'd be uneasy if I had anything less than 5 dishes to serve. But we must make the best of what we have. The stove has only two burners. And the knives suck. (We forgot to pack my favorite knife. Never again)

Getty Center
SG doesn’t heart museums much, so I visit them on my own- the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History in DC, the Norton Simon Museum in Pasadena, and now the Getty Center in Los Angeles.

On Tuesday, SG dropped me at the level P2 of the parking and I took the tram up the hill, which is essentially a horizontal elevator that takes you to the summit, 881 feet above the sea level in about 5 mins. I felt grateful at once. The view from the arrival plaza was one that your senses need time to devour.  I lost track of time browsing through years of history.

Museum Courtyard

 Timepiece

 Sketch: The return from the race
( A young athlete teaches his companion how to ride his vehicle. His victory at a competition is suggested by the laurel wreath hanging from his waist)

 The vexed man (from a series of 69 character heads)

I got out just in time to catch the sunset. It was a day well spent.

Random guy: Which one is this? It is a good camera.

Me: T5i

Guy: That's the body. The lens?

Me: 24-105mm. Luxury

Guy: Good camera. Great lens!

Me: Thanks :)

Guy (to his friend):Why didn't we bring our camera?

His friend: I don't know.

Maybe because you aren't allowed to take pictures at the exhibits which often feature private collection. Currently, they have two masterpieces of English medieval art: stained glass from Canterbury Cathedral and pages from the St. Albans Psalter, a book of psalms.

Rodeo Drive and Santa Monica Pier
Wednesday evening we went window-shopping at the famous Rodeo Drive. That was all we could do anyways because the place has a curfew after 6 p.m. It didn't occur to either of us that a city known for its nightlife might have a prime shopping location close down so early. I am sure they have their reasons. It gave us ample scope for uninhibited photography though. I thought I was in a museum again. The display of the merchandise was nothing short of art: provocative mannequins, elaborate floral arrangements, crystal chandeliers, and wooden horses. Celebrity-spotting wasn't possible on the deserted streets so we decided to come back during the day. We had some time before dinner, so we drove to Santa Monica Pier. That, fortunately, is open 24 hours. Even if the local businesses close down, no one owns the ocean. What a comforting thought!

I wasn't dressed for a beach, but who cares. It wasn't too chilly. We parked a block away from the ocean and walked down the pier. Cirque du Soleil ‘Totem’ was on tour. We saw the yellow tent with blue stripes from a distance. A man was selling some sort of lighted chute that he threw up in the air. He wanted to peddle us one, SG was keen on it. It looked pretty, but I didn't think we would have much use of it later.

We took some pictures of the Ferris wheel and walked further down. A section of the pier was under renovation. After 100 years of existence, you need some mending. The waves lapped up suddenly and the first roar gave me quite a turn. It must have been rather comic because I saw SG laugh heartily. I am his 24 hours Comedy Central.

Paly Center, Spadena House and Hollywood Boulevard 
The best part of the trip was Saturday when SG was with me the whole day. First, he made breakfast: my favorite mushroom omelet and tea. We got dressed and headed for The Paly Center of Media. It was a surprise. He had planned the day’s itinerary. I love it when he does that.

Several props and costumes from Warner Bros productions were on display.

A lady named Betty Ashley went out of her way to make sure we enjoyed our time there and suggested the VIP tour of Warner Bros Studios in Burbank, California (‘Maybe next time’, we said. We had already been to the Universal Studios on a previous trip). She even suggested some great ideas to click pictures. Before we left, we chatted for some time. She ran her fingers through my hair fondly and said, ‘My hair color was like this once.’

Next we visited the Spadena House, a house designed to look like a witch’s abode. On our way to Greystone Mansion, we cruised through a huddle of dream houses at Beverly Hills. Mouth agape, I wondered where else in US could I see such pretty houses. The Hamptons maybe, or Fisher Island. SG said it reminded him of Southern France. I like it when beauty and snobbery go together. I think it should. What is the purpose of exquisiteness if it is easily attainable?

At night, we walked on Hollywood Boulevard, it was chilly but walking kept us warm. I was reminded of the Fremont Street experience in Las Vegas, where people dressed up as famous movie characters. We strolled past The Joker who was having his dinner on the stairs of a closed shop. Batman had great teeth, and he didn't mind flashing it. There was Bumblebee from Transformers and Captain Jack Sparrow with eerie likeness to the original. I think I saw Superman and Elvis too.

I spent some time at Sephora where I found an eye shadow I had been looking for some time.Then we got little flowers for our home. The seller said that the flowers closed with morning dew or light mist and bloomed again when dry.

We went back to our parking after crossing TLC Chinese Theater where there were footprints, hand prints and autographs of celebrities on cement. It also houses the largest IMAX (seating capacity) theater in the world.

An attendant came to help us with our ticket at the paying station, though we didn't need any assistance. It was routine. We tipped him anyway, and as we got into our rental car he remarked, 'Great car'. SG said it was a rental, and it wasn't much for a week. He said,'Not for me. It is a lot.' I was suddenly reminded of the stark difference between the have and the have nots. And though we are not what I would call 'rich', I realized I was fortunate in many ways.

My way

Sometimes, I wish I could see the world like I could a couple of years ago. That doesn't mean I am old. But I have seen enough to learn not to take every thing at face value. Sweet words mean nothing until accompanied with action. A brutally honest friend is always better than the sweet talker with empty words.

I am a little less narcissistic (I know! I know!). Have not given up taking selfies though. But most importantly- I don't think I need to validate my existence by gaining approval from others. Not that I ever cared much for that. People thought I was courageous. Bold. I was just plain stupid.

On second thoughts, it was more sensible to listen to my inner voice even when so many thought that I was taking a risk. 'You can do better' they said. I followed my heart. Now they consider me wise for not listening to them. What an irony!

If I could advise my younger self, I'd say  again what I had said to myself then. 'Don't give up hope.' And do it your way.

Terra Nova

I was talking to SG's niece, who is a few years younger to me and is in the final year of her undergrads . During our conversation, I remembered my final year of Bachelors. In fact, every major event when I had to start afresh : when I had to leave home for the first time, when I finished college, when I had to leave the country I grew up in -for my Masters, when I had to say goodbye to Boston to settle in California.

I had to relocate very few times compared to some other people I am acquainted with. I guess almost everyone feels some degree of anxiety when making a move- the fear of losing friends, the fear of a new world we are not prepared for. But we are a strange breed. We find a way to flourish even in the most unlikely places.

প্রেম

(This Bengali script will be best viewed in Google Chrome)

আজ 'চোখের বালি' দেখলুম। দেখে মনে হল প্রেম কত তুচ্ছ জিনিস। মানুষ কে কত সামান্য করে দেয় ! আমি অবশ্য চিরকাল বিশ্বাস করে এসেছি যে যেই প্রেম মানুষকে ব্যাথা দেয় , কাতর করে- সে প্রেম ত্যাজ্য। তাকে মাথায় করে স্তুতি করার ভুল করলে সে কালসাপ হয়ে দংশন করে। তার বিষ না পারে কেউ ছাড়াতে , না সেই বিষে কারো মৃত্যু হয়। শুধু অসহ্য বেদনায় আকুল হয়ে প্রাণ ওষ্ঠাগত হয়। প্রেমের সেই ভয়ানক রূপ আমার দেখা আছে।

আবার আমি এও জানি যে প্রকৃত ভালবাসা মানুষকে মহান করে তুলতে পারে। তার শত দুর্বলতা সত্বেও তাকে সক্ষম বানাতে পারে। সেই ভালবাসা পরিণয়ের প্রত্যাশী নয়, তাই তাতে প্রতারিত হওয়ার ভয় ও নেই।

কত যুগ ধরে কত মানুষ, বিশ্বের কত জায়গায়, কত ভাষায় এ ভাব ব্যাক্ত করেছে, তাই নতুন করে আমার বলার কিছু নেই। শুধু জানি- যার সন্ধান আমি করেছি চিরজীবন, তার উৎসমুখ আমার কাছেই। নিজেকে ভালো না বাসলে যে অপরকে ভালবাসা যায় না সে কথা গুণী লোকেরা বলে গেছেন বহু কাল আগে।

আর আমি এও জানি যে গোপন প্রেমে কোনো গৌরব নেই, আছে শুধু অপমান। মানুষ যা চায় তা সব সময় পায় না, তাই বলে তাকে অজুহাত বানিয়ে অন্যায় করা দুর্বলতার লক্ষণ, অপরিণত বুদ্ধির পরিচায়ক।
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বিনোদিনীর মহিমের প্রতি আকর্ষণ হয়ত খুব স্বাভাবিক। বিনোদিনী সুন্দরী, সুশিক্ষিতা, প্রাপ্ত যৌবনা। কিন্তু বিয়ের এক বছর না যেতেই তার স্বামীর মৃত্যু হয়েছে। বৈধব্যের সকল ধর্ম পালন সে করেছে। সখের মধ্যে আছে তার একটু চা খাবার বাতিক। কিন্তু ১৯০২-১৯০৫-এর পটভূমিতে এ যেন সামাজিক প্রতিবাদ। সকল বাধার প্রতি এক তীব্র তিরস্কার- ম্লেচ্ছ সাহেবদের প্রিয় পানীয় পান করা। আমরা যখন বিকেলে চা এর কাপটা নিয়ে বসি তখন কি ভাবি এক কালে গল্পের এক নায়িকাকে কত অনুষ্ঠান করে এই পাপবোধটুকু দমন করতে হয়েছে যে সে মনের মত কিছু করতে পারছে।

পুরুষ-নারীর মধ্যে বেধাভেদ রবি ঠাকুরের সেই গল্পে শেষ হয়ে যায় নি। আজও বাঙালি ভদ্রসমাজে এক বিপত্নীক বছর না ঘুরতেই (বোধ করি চক্ষু লজ্জার জন্যে) দ্বিতীয় বার বিয়ে করতে পারে; কিন্তু একজন বিধবা যদি একটু সাজতে চায় বা গাঢ় রঙের লিপস্টিক ও লাগায় সেটা নিন্দনীয়। তার অবশ্যই কোন পুরুষবন্ধু আছে যাকে মোহিত করার জন্যে এত সাজ সজ্জার বাহার। মেয়েরা যে নিজেদের জন্যেও সাজতে চাইতে পারে, তা এখনো মহিলারা অনেকেই নিজেরাই বোঝেন না।

বিধবার জীবন হবে চিরভারাক্রান্ত , বিয়োগব্যাথাপূর্ণ এক নির্মম অভিশাপ। যার নিত্য কাজের মধ্যে একাদশি, যার রন্ধন শিল্পে এক ফোঁটা পেয়াজ-রসুনের ছোঁয়াও থাকতে পারবে না- সে যদি কামভারক্লিষ্ট যুবতী হয় তার উপস্থিতিতেও অশুচি  হয়।

আমি অবশ্য বিনোদিনীর ছল-কপটতা সমর্থন করি না। আশালতা তার বান্ধবী। স্ত্রী-পুরুষ এর আকর্ষণের সকল অভিকেন্দ্র বলের উর্ধ্যে সেই সম্পর্ক। আশালতার স্বামীর প্রতি তার দুর্বলতা এবং তাকে কাছে আনার সকল কলা কৌশল অভক্ষ্যভক্ষণ ।

The pursuit of happiness: Relations

'Your net worth is your network'-I agree.  You can't be a lone ranger and flourish always. In fact, no matter how hard you try, you'll need others to make your  life fuller. Even schools teach you to work in teams, to be more patient and empathetic towards others. Some people will be negative. There is nothing you can do to help them. Yet, try to see their goodness. Even the most worthless (in popular opinion) has something beautiful in them. Focus on that. But most importantly invest in yourself. Stay  busy.

Foster and cherish genuine relations. Sometimes, it will be 'give and give'; don't regret doing a good deed. Even if it never comes back to you. The joy of doing good should be reward enough. It usually is. Expect nothing. When you get something when you least expect it, the happiness increases manifold.

Love at least one person unconditionally. You need that to enrich your emotional experience.

I am a writer

As far as I can remember, I always wanted to be a writer. What lacks in talent, can be made up (to a certain extent) by hard work. I think I gave up trying . I have made a timeline of significant events which shaped my belief that I could be a successful scribe -just to remind myself what I once wished to be. If a certain desire still lives in your heart, and you wish to set fire to it, do it today. Because every day we walk towards our demise, and we are left with even less time to try our best at what we were born to become.


The rest of the post is more of personal significance:

Hope

When I was a child, my mother undertook the task of inspiring me with success stories of my predecessors- the kind she wanted me to be like. No matter how it started, it always ended in the same way,’...and then he went to America (for further studies) and lives there now.’ It was the happily ever after of her stories. But you don’t really know until you have lived it. And then you realize that most endings are actually beginnings.

America is a land of immigrants, and for many years people across the world have dreamed the American dream – still, a land of opportunity. Immigrants you come across every day, woven in the fabric of the American society – the Ethiopian cab driver who hasn't seen his mother in 25 years, the friendly Bangladeshi store owner, the good-looking Colombian waiter, the kind Mexican housekeeper, or even the solitary Indian tech guy working late hours in Silicon Valley- all have a history. They have left their families behind in the countries they were born in, but not just for a better pay-check. A Chinese friend once said- ‘we are doing it for our children.’ So they may have the opportunities we didn't have. And by 'children' I don’t just mean our offsprings; we all hope for a better tomorrow for ourselves; where there is more value of life, more social justice, and less haggling required for daily life. And though I had a very comfortable childhood, I think I will flourish better in this environment than in any other. Is it my bullishness? Maybe.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

"The happiest man on earth would look into the mirror and see only himself, exactly how he is."

How often we do stand in front of a mirror and feel fascinated with our looks: the soulful eyes, the locks on the temple, the sweet mouth, the fullness of contours, and the grace of form and movement?

Or wish we were slimmer, taller, had longer hair, or whiter teeth? Some of us consider cosmetic surgery and indulge in a keyword search that we think will improve our self-perception if followed. We presume,’ Oh! I will be happier if I look more perfect.’ Nothing could be farther from truth.

It is true, we need to be physically fit to live life- have a threshold amount of health to be able to enjoy what life has to offer, but the bilateral symmetry which we obsess over is over-rated. Why is that some women who are the epitome of pulchritude have the messiest perceptions about themselves, are very difficult to be with and often suffer bouts of depressions? On the other hand, the-not-so-perfect looking individuals are happy, living life with a good sense of humor and focusing on what is really important.

What is it that they know? What is the secret mantra to success and happiness? I can’t speak for everyone, but I strongly believe it is the knowledge of the self- as it is. And an incredible thirst to know further. Everything we learn helps us expand our thinking into another dimension. Every experience and talent we earn is making us a more complete human being. And the thirst to know our inner selves through different forms of expressions should at least be equal to, if not greater than, our desire to be perfect in our physical appearance.

Are there directives about how we should go on that quest to find our completeness?

In Bhagwat Gita, Krishna says:
'Among women, I am fame (kirti), prosperity(sri), speech (vak), memory (smriti), intelligence (medha), endurance (dhriti) and forgiveness (kshama).'

I find it relevant even today and it gives me a good sense of what qualities I could work on to be more accomplished. And make that image in the mirror more like what I want it to be.

Expressions

Recently, I have noticed -a few have the misconception that it is very trendy to trash others without having any real authority to do so. They think it is lame to read, write, draw, take pictures, sing, cook, dance, walk, learn a language, and volunteer to work for a cause. In fact, anything that does not include pointing fingers towards other human beings and then scanning them under a microscope for flaws- is a complete waste of time.

Personally, I have never faced such issues, because I am surrounded by very positive people who encourage any form of creativity. But for the unfortunate few who are often told that they are not good enough or their work is not worthy of attention- my advice is -keep an open mind for constructive criticism (very few will invest the energy, really), but don't give up on your passion(s).

Also, it is alright to feel frustrated or disappointed with your composition sometimes. But the important thing is not to quit. It may take months or years before you can create a masterpiece- maybe never (the worst possible scenario), but it is a lot better than not having tried.