Whistling in the Dark

As a kid I was afraid of being lonely in the dark. To comfort myself, I'd either sing aloud or whistle.
Was it the fear of the unknown, of being lonely without my sense of sight, or merely a survival instinct handed down by my ancestors who lurked in the darkness of caves and faced mortal perils- I'll never know. The absence of light doesn't bother me now nor does an empty house. I have evolved and so have my fears. My worst nightmares don't always witness me in a catastrophe; sometimes my close ones and specially my Dad appears to be in grave danger. Some of these ideas seem absurd in broad daylight but I wake up in the middle of the night with tears flowing down my cheeks or screaming.

The worst part is -at that time I don't have anyone to talk to about it. My own folks are in deep slumber then and people living in a different time zone are busy with their vagaries of life. You can't simply call up someone to say" Hey I had a shi**y dream.. so would care to pat my arms and wipe my tears and say 'It's OK?' " Sounds pretty stupid to me.

There might be so many out there who'd love your exquisiteness. Your beauty or grace or a certain attribute that makes them think you are special. But how many would love you even after knowing that beneath all that on the surface, you are just another "regular" person with private demons of your own. Some real. Some imaginary. Yet with a presence of their own.

Most people won't be interested to know how bad it feels to feel bad.
Love is a fallacy; I seek companionship.

When I am afraid, I might have the strength to overcome it. But I'd like to be reminded once in a while that I can whistle too.

Have a dekho: my blog turns into a book

(Tentative)Cover page of my first book.
To my readers:
Thank you for your continuing patronage.
And to those whom I had promised a copy, please e-mail me your snail mail addresses to my gmail account.

Order can be placed by email to tripurainfo@yahoo.com
Title: The Day I was Proven Wrong
Author: Aparna Kar
Price : Rs.200

What's your take?

This post was triggered by a mock interview and the question :"Quick comments on love, specially when we have Valentine's Day coming,10 days from now. "
I think it was rather disappointing when I told him " I don't believe in romantic love anymore. It is just a matter of convenience"

Let me elaborate.
The one is an over hyped concept. Nothing like that exists. That's my take. We are all trying to invent reasons to make our lives more meaningful... more purposeful..
In the end.. it's just a delusion. Or as one of my wise friends puts it " Just a decision". Yeah..maybe...a decision triggered by the thought processes in a particular time frame. At another place, another time your decision could be different. Parallel universe, multiple histories- call it whatever you may.. but think of it- what if "the one" for you never met you!!
There are so many billion people out there..what's the probability that you met the right one?
"And yet we decide on one"
Because we assign the importance to a person or an event. Itself it means nothing. And our view of "importance" is so absurdly myopic, born out of our need to make choices for survival.

Think of your existence compared to the vastness of the ever-expanding universe.
Try to imagine how scant , how important you are. And how ridiculous it is to find meaning in the modern desk jobs, material achievements, accolades etcetera etcetera.
Don't you see the inanity of your over indulgence in the accumulation of a few molecules which you call yourself- Aparna, Bryan or Zhang ?

And yet, we try to find meaning to our existence, which spans only across a blink of the universe. And we "believe" we will leave behind us a legacy - a pool of genes that will fight for its survival till Doomsday. By then they might have evolved or mutated to becomes chimps or some creature hitherto unknown to human history. But who cares? We know our days are numbered. And maybe that is why we try to give some meaning to it, feel alive, feel content.

The Variegated Sky

Photo Courtesy: John Baker

Those pics are the nearest I could get to my mental image of the variegated sky. Note the dawn breaking at the quiet lake with the mast of a catamaran resting at the bottom left of the pic. Let's call this mysterious lake :Lake Reed. It's in Canada that's all I'll say. John wants it to be a place associated with mystery :)

Photo Courtesy: Abir Mukherjee

On the other hand, Abir's pic shows restlessness and energy. The surfer is moving towards the waves , ready to ride the swell. This, I was told, was taken in San Diego, around 5:52 pm PST

What's your secret?

When I was going through a tough time, I had a friend I could talk to..or rather a stranger. Whether it was compassion or indifference - I do not know, but I found a patient listener. And I think it helped me overcome the situation. Today I can look back in gratitude and sometimes I think I still need that stranger to talk to.. except that he has become my friend now and I really can't talk about anything and everything coz I fear being judged.
Have a secret? Or a confession to make..here's a very convenient way to let it out.
All you have to do is post a secret as a comment under the name anonymous.


For more secrets, visit Post a Secret

It's a beautiful world

It was one of my favorite ads while I was at school, and till date it has remained one of the best I had ever watched.
For those who don't know yet, I have a secret fancy for advertisement.

From billboards to bumper stickers, from pages of a magazine to shopping bags and slogans on T-shirts, I absolutely drool over anything that convinces me that I'd have given my right arm to dream up something like that.

One of the most endearing commercials in Indian advertising is certainly the Hutch ad where the pug ( Chika) follows the boy (Jairam ) faithfully around...

Danny Pope ( the cinematographer) feels blessed to have been able to take natural shots. I believe it takes more than just "luck" to be able to make something like that ( I can confess I shifted my loyalty from Airtel to Hutch after that and it has been my service provider ever since)

I was recruited for an advertising agency last year -oh make a year before that now now :P( see 13th Sept,2005 entry, I had the interview at Gurgaon) but I couldn't join it immediately owing to some personal reasons. I regretted it.
The interviewer had told me one thing I'll always remember -
".. whether you are writing taglines to convince people to donate something as important as body organs like eyes or selling something as mundane as toothpicks- you have to have conviction, if you believe yourself what you are telling others, others will believe you."

There was a test I had taken and the taglines I had come up with were some of my best creative efforts. It was worth it, they wanted to take me...but as I said, joining immediately was out of question, and in the meantime I was offered a more comfortable (read:better pay), less challenging job within just a stone's throw from the place I reside in.. so it practically slipped out of my mind.

What with this new vigour of applying for the B-schools, or a disease that manifests in me and has an occasional outburst, I still stare at the Oglivy office in Okhla Industrial Estate :)

Thank God I have something to look forward to in life.

As I always say..

"It's the possibilty of a dream come true that makes life so interesting"

10 ways to lose a gal

I couldn't have written this post without inputs from one of the most eligible bachelors I know, who has successfully preserved his "single" status for years now.

1. Demean her folks. No girl can tolerate her guy constantly trying to degrade her family.

2. Talk about your past GFs as if they were all demi-goddesses. Even if she discovers later that one was a psychotic bitch, another a case of overdose of steroids, and yet another just got back from a rehabilitation center for stabbing her neighbor's cat some 29 times.

3. Try playing musical instruments you really suck at.
The cacophony in the guise of serenade will give her nightmares.

4. Wear socks that stink. Don't change them even if you have itching erythema and edema of feet. Don't brush your teeth when you kiss her. Make sure she faints once or twice (at least)

5. Tell her " You can never be like my Mom"
Never cook like her.. never be caring like her etc.
Stress on never

6. Flirt with her friends. Take particular unhealthy interest in her best friend.

7. Talk about your female colleagues at office with special reference to the size of the assets of each one as if you had a measuring tape with you.

8. Insist on having/not having sex. Always the contrary to what she wants.

9. Show attitude. Try to prove you are too good for her.

10. If nothing works, try "the unfeeling bastard" approach. If she says she is having a headache or stomach ache or something of that sort..tell her she has it 365 days a year- "So what's new?"

And she might just ask you to F#@^ off

( DISCLAIMER: To those sweethearts who got worried - this post has nothing to do with my personal life. Lol. I'll tell you when to take the post seriously)