Love just is..

Love isn't the adrenaline pumping in prurient youngsters or gossip running in a racy red dress ahead of news. Love just is.
It is the belief that someone will be happy to see you at the end of a tiring day.
It is feeling glad to lie side-by-side holding hands.
It is the fragrance that lingers when he/she hugs you goodbye and you don't know when you will see him/her next; but you hope it is soon.

It is the whispering of those magical words in a crowded airport.
It is the smile across a hall full of strangers that means- "I'm here".
It is the silent promise which says more than words ever can.
It is weeping because the other was hurt.
It is laughing together on a silly joke.
It is letting him/her have the last bar of chocolate you saved for yourself.
It is hating his yellow shoes or her brown sweater and telling him/her that without any preamble.
It is sharing an umbrella on a rainy day and splashing on puddles.
It is sipping ginger tea on a cold evening together .
It is his saying "Excellent" to describe a dish she cooked , even though she knows there should have been more salt.
It is her saying "Not long", when she has waited for hours and he knows it too.
It is creating happiness out of nothing.

All my life I believed that I know what love means but I feel disenchanted today. It's a lot more than I could have ever known. Like I said- love just is.

Credit to Imputrescible's In the Name of Love, for triggering this random chain of thoughts, on a topic I had been avoiding lately, for reasons unknown to me.
And the person to whom I gave flowers today.Happy Anniversary!

Six Sentences

This is a mail I got last night, from the editor of Six Sentences:

Dear Aparna,

Very well done. And a great piece to kick off the new year!

"Role Playing" will make its debut on Tuesday, 1/1/08.

Welcome to 6S!

:)

Best,
Robert McEvily
Editor, 6S

I thought that I owe this to my readers, to let them have a peek at the piece I had submitted :

I wonder if I am I not proud of the fact that my greatest talent lies in my acting skills. I play the role of a perfect student/daughter /sister/friend so absurdly well that it scares me sometimes. Which of the masks I wear is the real me or have I lost it somewhere in my pursuit of perfection? I look into the mirror and ask " Who am I actually?" And it replies back- "More than you think you are, less than you can be." And I start afresh with renewed vigor.

Also, this is an occasion to declare formally that I am seriously thinking of starting the work on my second book and first novel, "Seasons of Love".

A rough draft of the author's note follows:

"The toughest part about writing this book was to decide where to begin. My previously published work is a blook- my blog (thevariegatedsky.blogspot.com) turned into the book: The Day I Was Proven Wrong, containing the entries from May 2005 to Dec 2006. Somehow it seemed to be an easier task because when I started blogging I was almost anonymous, until it got decently popular and my family, peers and later on, my colleagues started viewing it. That was when I faced the clichéd "writer's block". The fear of being judged by people whom I know in my real life held me back from being myself. I tried to make the content "responsible" and that almost killed it.

Then I realized where I was going wrong. If I didn't care to read my own composition again, there was no reason why people would want to browse through it - let alone come back to it. So, when I set to script "Seasons of love", I made a pact with myself- "I'll be honest". And I will not "try" to please my readers. All I will give is my effortless love and if they can feel it, even on the printed pages in black and white, I am sure they will love it back too. I don't have any high expectations about the sales. Just a request- if you happen to come across this book, read it and like it, please pass it on to someone else.
That is all I will ever ask."

I hope to begin scripting it after the end of this semester. Though my previous publisher would be keen to have the book, I want to give the rights to someone with a more global presence. Any interested party can contact me at aparna.kar@gmail.com.

Thank you.

Ayushman Bhava

Meaning "long live ", is a Sanskrit phrase often uttered by elders in Bengali Hindu culture, when they bless the young ones. I recollect that on every birthday or religious festival or upon the  declaration of my exam results, I'd run to my paternal grandparents to touch their feet in reverence. ( Called pronam in Bangla. I lost my maternal grandparents early, so I don't have many memories with them.)

My now late paternal Grandpa (Thakurda) would insist that I be adorned with "Dhaan-Durba" ( grains of rice with the seed coat and a type of grass )while he closed his eyes in prayers for my well being. I liked that so much that when my other cousins hurried to brush off their hair of the yellow and green bits, I'd let those stay on, pretend that I didn't notice, and let out an Oscar-winning "Oh!", when any of them pointed out "Hey you still got bits on your hair!"

It made me feel special. It made me feel cared for and blessed. I wanted to keep it with me as long as I could.

One day I asked my Grandpa the significance of using the combination. He opined that the grains and the grass signified prosperity and health, respectively. The age old idea of "Gola bhora dhaan"= "barn full of grain" represents affluence; and that special grass has the amazing capacity to regenerate even after a house and its lawn have been completely destroyed by fire. So, when elders wish for our long lives by pronouncing "Ayushman Bhava" (or "Ayushmati Bhava" while blessing a female child), they also wish us a life of prosperity and health along with longevity. Maybe I treasured those bits because I knew what it meant while most of my other cousins didn't.

The last time I got dhaan-dubba was when I went home to visit my family before coming over to Boston. My grandma said that I wouldn't be in India by the time my birthday arrived (14th September), so she wanted to give me blessings and some INR ( I still have that money in my bag ). This little rite is something that is probably going to die out with time. And I don't know, several years later if I try to put grain and grass on my kids' heads, maybe they'll think "Mom is crazy" or file a case for harassment. Maybe not.

Whatever, back to present. I was walking to school when I saw the snow melting on the lawn and the green grass still thriving beneath the sheets of ice, and it all came back to me.
*****
This post comes at the wake of an unfortunate event when an oil tanker truck blew up in Everett. One of the houses destroyed was Carol's - a MGT671 classmate of mine, who has lost all her possessions. It makes it even more difficult with the semester end approaching. I'd probably try to take out my passport, credentials and my laptop with all my assignments in case of a fire emergency- whether I manage to take out a coat at -13 degree C or not.

I request anyone reading this post thus far to take a moment to wish her strength and courage to ease her through this trying times. I might/might not believe in God the way most people do, but I definitely believe in the great strength of will.

I have grown up near a commercial center and have seen two major fire incidents where I witnessed some people lose everything. One of the women crying like an insane person on the street was a mother who had saved all the gold ornaments in her shop for her daughter's wedding the following day. Some slaves can be real bad masters.

Tagged again

Previous tags:
Tagged-I,
Reflections I snoitcelfeR
Tagged- II (5 things about Aparna Kar)

This one is from Bubbles of Firewhisky

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night?
SG with his description of Howrah station restrooms and his plight during his journey from NJ to Boston.

2. What were you doing at 0800?
Sleeping. Was waken by the delivery man at 0823 who gave me my new baby - a T61p Lenovo Thinkpad

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Browsing a page in Wharton MBA site

4. What happened to you in 2006?
I grew up

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
Can't remember me being loud. I clam up totally when I get angry. Could have been "Yuppie" when my roommate showed me the white lawn in the morning.

6. How many beverages did you have today?
Tea in the morning

7. What color is your hairbrush?
Purple and silver. Very bright and happy looking :)

8. What was the last thing you paid for?
My dinner last night. Ate out for a change.

9. Where were you last night?
Home. That's where you always have to get back to, right?

10. What color is your front door?
Off white

11. Where do you keep your change?
Wallet and drawers

12. What’s the weather like today?
Click here to know :P

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
Butterscotch

14. What excites you?
Today: parcels. I could have kissed that delivery man :D

15. Do you want to cut your hair?
Needs a bit of trimming. Might go out this weekend. Am planning to grow it longer.

16. Are you over the age of 25?
Not yet biologically.

17. Do you talk a lot?
Only when I feel like. I prefer to listen.

18. Do you watch the O.C.?
What's that? I watch only Scrubs on TV

19. Do you know anyone named Steven?
Would that help? I know Mike, Gordon , Matt, Chris, Jonathan, Bryan, Jeff, Bill, Marc, Pacy, Ben, ... must be a Steven somewhere.. who knows? How about Steven Spielberg. Does that count? I know him, but he doesn't know me :P

20. Do you make up your own words?
Yup. And phrases too. They become catchphrases among my friends soon until I coin something new.

21. Are you a jealous person?
About my prized possessions- yes. That makes me protect them

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’.
Can't think of any.. ummm .. maybe Abir Mukherjee (AM in my blog)

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’.
Kaushik.. dear old Koshu - my ex colleague

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?
SK- who is in love again :D

25. What does the last text message you received say?
D. A reply to a multiple choice question I had sent across to SG

26. Do you chew on your straw?
No. But I have taken to chew the fat with my roommate a lot lately. We have pillow talks in a walk-in closet, at the dining table- everywhere you can think of. I'm glad to have her around to talk to. Will miss her :)

27. Do you have curly hair?
No, I have straight hair which gets wavy at times.

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
Washington DC for my Christmas to visit my aunt.

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
Rude? Umm.. most people do it when they are upset. Tout comprendre c'est tout pardonner

30. What was the last thing you ate?
Pretzel crisps with my morning tea.

31. Will you get married in the future?
No hope for the next 3 years. :P

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
Past 2 weeks makes it difficult. I didn't have much time. Watched Beauty and the Beast again and cried again.. Lol. And Om Shanti Om 'cause of the great company I had.

33. Is there anyone you like right now?
You mean "like" as like Robert Pattinson? :P

34. When was the last time you did the dishes?
Last night.. boo hoo.. even after I ate out 'cause I had a team meeting and had to rush to the univ after lunch. I love cooking but I hate doing the dishes!

35. Are you currently depressed?
Why should I be? And even if I were, my blog would have cured me or I'd have talked to my family/friends or cooked or watched a movie or read something. I don't like being depressed. It makes me feel a lot less than near perfect.

36. Did you cry today?
No. And I will never again for a person/thing that doesn't deserve it. But when I get emotional/ watch a good movie/ read a great book, I tend to weep. My lachrymal glands are hyperactive :D

37. Why did you answer and post this?
Didn't want to keep my readers waiting for too long for a new post. And tags are the quickest things to do.

38. Tag few people who would do this survey.
Anybody who wants it, can have it :)

Tagged- II (5 things about Aparna Kar)

It is an old post but since I'm evolving every moment, many of the things that held true before might have become obsolete now. Initially, a tag by Rohit, it is a good quiz on how much you actually know Aparna Kar or how you see her :)
1. Organizational Analysis and Skills (Mgt 650) is my favorite subject in school.
2. Ted umm.. embarrassing but true, I still sleep with my teddy bear
3. Jonathan Livingston Seagull and its theme of a newer, better plane of existence has changed my outlook towards life, second only to Karma Yoga by Swami Vivekananda. The third favorite on my book-list is of course, The Alchemist.
4. Maple leaves Love them. The colors, the contours. That's why you will see a little maple leaf at the beginning of the title of each post.
5. Cooking is my new found hobby.
Now tell me 5 things YOU know about her.

Gaining resilience

Today, I had gone to meet my Program Director Dr. William Koehler to discuss which courses I'd be taking up next semester. He observed: "You have a marketing personality. Accountants are not so lively" and winked. Honestly, Financial Accounting is not really one of my favorites. I love the subject, but not the class which is lecture-based owing to its theoretical content, and for that reason, is highly somniferous.

I might narrow down to Economics, Marketing Management, Business and its Environment and/or a class in Fund-raising. The last one was specially recommended by him after he saw me attending an info session on fund-raising and non-profit organizations a fortnight ago.

I was interested 'cause of the purpose associated with non-profits. In fact, the Mgt650 project of Organizational Analysis ( The basics of Strategic consulting. My most favorite class - mentioning it for the nth time I guess) is on an organization working for community inclusion of the physically disabled.

One thing I learned at the session was that you can do well by doing good too. Some of the salaries cited were brow-raising. But then, nothing comes easy. You have to work for insane hours for an event. Not that I am scared to work. I like the high I get from sleepless nights. But I fear the lull that follows it.

I still remember the day I kept sitting on campus grounds after the cultural fest got over in my first year of undegrad. So much preparation had gone into it. And so much excitement was associated with it. Those three days had my adrenaline pumping like crazy. I met new people, made new friends and my life changed to never be the same again.

So, getting back to it. I don't fear stress. But the leisure to realize that I am not busy enough. I asked Bill if I should take 4 courses instead of the 3 courses usually taken by a full time student. He asked me not to overexert myself. The classes need to be well paced too. I might apply for GA, I have not decided yet. But my primary concern right now is my internship next summer. Hmm. Lots on my table. Not a wonder that I have begin to care less and less about more and more now. To be truthful, I don't think I can afford redundancy in any form. Sorry if I ranted about myself. But this is something important to ME and I think I deserve a chunk of this space even at the cost of boring my readers. :D

Was feeling too tired to log onto my private blog and post it there.

Thanks for listening. :)

P.S I forgot to mention the incident that gave the post its title. After my team meeting yesterday , I had gone to Shaw's to get some grocery done. On my way back, I saw a kid pushing a heap of maple leaves with his feet - just for the fun of it. His ability to create happiness out of all most nothing is something intrinsic to children, which usually fades out with time.( I used to turn a chair upside down and pretend it is my space station. Or transform my bed into a stage and row up my chairs asking my friends to be an audience *always the limelight hogger :D * )

I asked the kid, "Is it fun?" He shied away at first but then nodded his head and said "Yeah. It is" Without a second thought, I leaped into those leaves, with grocery bags et al and said "It sure feels good." There was a chap passing by, probably wondering why an adult woman is jumping onto a heap of leaves. But who cares? Why should I stop being myself?

Sweet November

Itni shiddat se tumhe paane ki koshish ki hai-
ki harr zarre ne mujhe tumse milane ki saazish ki hai

Take 2:
Ladies and gentlemen,
Kehte hai agar kisi cheez to dil se chaaho to poori qayenat usey tumse milane mein lag jaati hai.

Humari filmon ki tarah, humari jindagi mein bhi end tak sab kuch theek hi ho jaata hai.Aur agar theek na ho to woh "The end" nahi.
Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost!

Ok I watched Om Shanti Om again. So what? Even if it meant sending my mind to graze grass- once more. But I had an occasion. I met Dada almost after one and a half years on the Thanksgiving weekend in Boston. I had last seen him in May 2006 in Noida, when he was about to leave for Pittsburgh.

PR (my roomate) had not watched it either, and we had made a pact that we would watch it together. But I cheated and watched it online last weekend. So, PR , her boyfriend VR (who had come over for the weekend too), Dada and me went out last Saturday to catch the flick at Capitol (Massachusetts Ave. Arlington, MA 02474) It was a neat 30 minutes drive from South Boston. I don't think it would have taken less than 45 minutes had we been in India.

I am so much used to multiplexes, that the hall looked disappointingly old. But then I decided to think of it as the "old age charm" that is intrinsic to the city. Even the red bricks of Harvard emanate it. Nothing justifies the parallelism with ivy plants better.

Believe it or not- I saw Harvard Square for the first time at night and had decent Indian food at The Bombay Club ( recommended). In short, the weekend was a typical Bollywood masala movie with an array of emotions hitting us folks :D

Wednesday:
Dada asked if I would be free this weekend and I replied in affirmative. He reached Logan airport around 10:30pm and reached home by 11:05 pm and we spend talking almost the rest of the night trying to catch up with what we had missed.

Thursday:
I decided to start with the Skywalk at Prudential Center, where you can have a bird's eye-view of the whole city and then decide upon where to go next. We had a turkey lunch for Thanksgiving and met an Indophile couple.

In the evening we met up with one of Dada's old school pals.

Friday:
I showed him around the Emerald Necklace.

Saturday:
We got out to the Bayside near my residence and I clicked some matrimonial ad-worthy photographs of Bro.

Sample :


Specially, with the ultimatum from my parents that he has just an year's time to find someone of his choice or else they will start looking for him :D

Btw, he looks more like Dad now, doesn't he? Though we have both got Mom's dimpled chin :) Quite a good looking family , eh? :D


Here's another facet of Mr. Amitabha Kar for you. Did I mention that one of my classmates had a big time crush on him ? :P (Sorry for embarrassing you in public Dad . I know you are blushing right now. Hee hee )

Went to Central Square for lunch at a Bengali restaurant and to Massachusetts Avenue in the evening.

Sunday:
Lazed about in the afternoon, honestly tired. I tried to work on my pending project report but had to cook for one of Dada's friends who was coming over for dinner. Dada helped with chopping the vegetables for fried rice and in creating an ambiance by playing songs . Recently, he has a surge of writing Shayeris. I want to locate the inspiration. Any clues?

Monday:
Woke up at 2 AM to work on the report which was giving me nightmares. If I am dreaming about it, it IS serious.

Bro will be leaving in a while. Don't know when I am going to meet him again. Maybe in December for Christmas at my aunt's place in DC. I'm glad to have a sibling to create memories with.

We have both changed in our own ways. I found him to be more care-free, more jovial and he observed that I have matured a lot, have become less expressive of my emotions maybe. Honestly, I feel I have become more like him and he has become more like my previous self.And since the growth was in vectorial opposite directions, the changes seem greater in magnitude from our present reference frames.

PR couldn't believe he is my elder bro 'cause of the way I boss over him all the time and try to micro manage things. But he understands that it is engendered out of the fact that I expect nothing less than perfection from him.

Thanks Dada, Pu and Viv for the great weekend.:)

P.S Btw, have you noticed how those lines from OSO are so eerily similar to
When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it from Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist ?

Everyone deserves to find his/her happy ending.
All the best.