মায়া

সবে ডাক্তারি পাশ করে রায়পুরে সরকারি হাসপাতালে বদলি হয়ে এসেছি ।

গ্রামে তখন লর্ড সিনহাদের জমিদারি । ট্রেনে করে যখন প্রথম রায়পুর পৌছালাম, তখন সূর্যদেব কুয়াশার আড়ালে মুখ ঢেকে রেখেছে । কিছু ভোরের পাখি ছাড়া আর চারিদিকে কোন শব্দ নেই । স্টেশনেই জলখাবার সেরে রওনা হলাম হাসপাতালের উদ্দেশ্যে । ইচ্ছে ছিল জয়েন করে, হাসপাতালে দিনটা কাটিয়ে এরপর গিয়ে সরকারি আবাসে মাল সমেত একেবারে উঠব ।

দপ্তরী কাজ মিটিয়ে যখন কিছু রোগী দেখা হয়ে গেছে তখন জমিদারবাড়ির এক পেয়াদা এসে
খবর দিল যে আমার সান্ধ্যভোজনের আয়োজন আজ জমিদারবাড়িতে হয়েছে । আর জমিদার বাবু হুকুম করেছেন যেন আমাকে সঙ্গে করে নিয়ে যাওয়া হয় । যখনকার কথা বলছি তখন টেলিফোনের ওত চল ছিল না কিন্তু মানুষের আতিথেয়তা ছিল অতুলনীয় । কাজেই, নবাগত আগন্তুককে নিমন্ত্রণ করে খাওয়ানো খুব একটা অসাধারণ কিছু ছিল না । সারাদিন পরিশ্রম করে আমার খিদেটাও বেশ চাড়া দিয়ে উঠেছিল তাই আমি বিনা বাক্য ব্যায়ে জমিদারের আজ্ঞাবাহীর সঙ্গে জমিদারবাড়ি উপলক্ষে রওনা দিলাম ।

রাস্তায় যা দৃশ্য দেখলাম তাতে মন প্রাণ জুড়িয়ে গেল । লক্ষী সরোবরে তখন শীতকালের কিছু পরিযায়ী
পাখি জটলা পাকিয়ে মেলা হইচই করছে । যেন পাখিদের অর্কেস্ট্রা প্র্যাকটিস ।স্ফটিকের মতো স্পষ্ট
জলে তখন সূর্য অস্তের নৈসর্গিক মুহূর্ত প্রতিবিম্বিত হচ্ছিল । সেটা দেখে আমার সারা দিনের ক্লান্তি কোথায় বাষ্প হয়ে উড়ে গেল ।

Love Poem #1

The red crowned cranes of Hokkaido
Know the meaning of love.
They mate for life
And dance and cry in courtship displays
That strengthen their bond.
They want the whole world to know
They are happy.
Together.

I know what it feels to want love
When I focus on the shadows
Dancing on my ceiling
As you fill me up with a bit of you
And whisper,’ I love you’ into my ears.

I believe you for a moment.
But I also know the reality-
There will be another naked girl
Lying beneath you some day.
And you will say the same magical words
In the same mundane way.

When lovemaking becomes a chore
We stop pretending too.
You hide us inside the confines of my bedroom
When you are done convincing yourself
That you have given me enough,
You leave.

The sheets smell of you
Even hours after you are gone.
I weep in the shower
For the love I don’t see in your eyes

We are habits.
You and I.
We stopped being lovers a long time ago.

Maybe we were born into the wrong species.
Maybe we will be reincarnated as the cranes
And dance by the lake, in the snow.
And we will say,’I love you’ in crane language.
And we will believe it
Till death do us apart.

Self care in the times of social distancing

Self care is not just an occasional indulgence or a spa day on your birthday. While physical comfort is a luxury we all need to give ourselves, we have to take care of our emotional well being as well.

Are we allowing ourselves to be in an environment that nourishes our soul? Communicate with people who understand the unsaid? Or are we constantly struggling to prove our worth and good intentions to those who refuse to see the good in us, for reasons best known to them?

Maybe this imposed social distancing is an opportunity for all of us to analyze our priorities. We are surviving in the most atomic state of existence right now- with our immediate family or friends. I have also come to realize how little we need to be happy. Anything that causes unnecessary emotional turbulence may have some associated benefits, most likely a chance to give the affection you have in your heart that remains untapped. But maybe your eagerness to please, to make everything perfect for people you care about goes unnoticed. Maybe the chasm between your expectations and reality gnaws at your heart, eroding all the hope for real bliss.

Maybe this is a time to say aloud that I can be happy on my own. Like a child who will invent games to stay occupied. Maybe this isolation is necessary for creativity to flourish. Even mandatory for those who want to express themselves through arts- a painting, a poem, or even a dance routine.

Self care starts with loving yourself. Placing your mental health and emotional needs before the need for validation from others.

Stay healthy. ❤️
Both physically and mentally.

World Poetry Day Festival Flyer

I will be reading in both English and in Bengali at the 3rd Annual Poetry Day Festival on March 21, 2020 at Kaleid Gallery in San Jose.  Early bird tickets are $10. Don't miss out the evening of tasting different culture and languages.

Get Tickets here
I will be reading from my new book A Kaleidoscope of Emotions

Schedule
4-7PM Workshop
7-10 Performances
10-11 Open Mic

*Poetry in 10 different languages
*Appetizers from other countries

We have the following poets for the event

Cory Massaroo - Host
Sandra E. Quiroz
Tongo Eisen-Martin - English
Anshu S Johri - Hindi
Aparna Ganguly - Bengali
Forced2fly - American Sign Language
Francisco Icala Tiriquiz - Maya
Umbelina Martinezina Martinez - Spanish
Larry Hollist - Japanese
Elizabeth Jiménez Montelongo - Nahuatl
Jing Jing Yang - Chinese
Juliane Tran - Vietnamese

Hungry for Words

When I was a kid,
I used to learn words from a dictionary.
Five each day.

I trailed my tiny fingers through the black ink,
Relishing the consonant and vowels
As my tongue rolled around those invisible delicacies.

In love with a distinct sound so much
That I would say it over and over again.
Until I felt it was a part of me.
And I could conjure it when I was in trouble.
Like a good friend who always shows up
Even if you had a fight.

Sometimes, I would read to my dog.
He slept through most of it.

I will not lie
even though I could
If I tried really hard.
But
the biggest love of my life
Is this language I’m speaking in.

It calms the storms in my heart.
Connects me to people
who have their own stories to tell.
And I listen with every inch of my body.
Just like the voracious child I once was-
Hungry for words.

Looking for new ways to string sentences together.
Paragraphs that make me forget to exhale for a moment.
The depths of someone’s love, grief, or rage.
Fascinated by someone’s mind.
Thinking -‘Wish I could write like that!’
A certain kingship stronger than blood.
A love more enduring than any other love.

I wear red

Wrote this poem today to read at the Word Poetry Day Festival on March 21, 2020 at KALEID gallery (320 S. 1st St., San Jose, California 95113)

I wear red
--------------

In rebellion,
Against all the injustice in the world
Against the hatred that divides us
Based on caste, creed, gender or orientation

In reverence,
To the vermillion my mother puts on her forehead
As a mark of a married Hindu woman
While she prays for the long and healthy life of her husband
Every day.

For the passion,
That keeps us awake at night
While we make sweet, sweet love
And the rest of the world turns into a blur.

To represent my red-hot angst,
Born of the betrayals of my friends
Who thought I was expendable
Because my truth was too inconvenient for their lies.

For the blood that runs in me
The life force that keeps me going
Keeps me unafraid through the darkness of the night.

For the setting sun,
That reminds me of my own mortality
And urges me to make my dreams come true
Before I run out of time.

আমি লাল পরি 
-------------------

বিদ্রোহে,
জগতের সমস্ত অবিচারের বিরুদ্ধে
সমস্ত ঘৃণার বিরুদ্ধে
যা মানুষকে মানুষ থেকে আলাদা করে
জাত, ধর্ম বিশ্বাস, এবং লিঙ্গের পার্থক্যের জন্য II

নিষ্ঠাতে ,
আমার মার মাথার সিঁদুর এর জন্য
যা একজন হিন্দু নারীর সতীত্বের চিহ্ন
যিনি রোজ তার স্বামীর দীর্ঘায়ু কামনা করেন II

সেই কামনার জন্য
যা আমাদের রাতে জাগিয়ে রাখে
যখন আমরা আলিঙ্গনে বাকি দুনিয়াটাকে অদৃশ্য করে দিই II

সেই লাল উদ্বেগের জন্য,
যার জন্ম হয়েছে আমারই বন্ধুদের বিশ্বাসঘাতকতায় -
যারা ভেবেছিল আমি পরিহার্য
কেননা আমার সত্য ওদের মিথ্যার জন্য অসুবিধাজনক II

আমার সেই রক্তের জন্য
যা আমার শরীরে বইছে
প্রতিটি কোষে জীবন শক্তি পৌঁছে দিচ্ছে
আর আমাকে নির্ভীক রাখছে এই অন্ধকার রাতে II

আমি লাল পরি
সেই অস্তগামী সূর্যের জন্য
যে বারে বারে আমাকে নিজের নশ্বরতা মনে করিয়ে দেয়
আর আমাকে প্রেরণা যোগায় আমার স্বপ্নগুলোকে বাস্তবায়িত করার জন্য
আমার সময় ফুরিয়ে যাওয়ার আগে II

Learn to enjoy your own company

I have been traveling on my own since I was 18. Across states, countries, and continents. And I have never faced any major issues. In fact, most of the times, strangers have been kind to me.

I remember a particular incident when I was flying to US for the first time. I had a stopover at Newark Airport where I had to take a tram line to another terminal for my flight to Boston. The tram started with a jolt and I almost fell over. I caught the shoulder of an elderly African American man standing next to me. He was about my father’s age and he smiled kindly as he helped me find my feet. Most of the other folks in the crowd laughed in good humor too.

I was a little embarrassed because this was new to me and I was not prepared for it. Life has offered so many novel experiences. Some pleasant and some not so pleasant. But I almost always had help. Even when I was not looking for it. Sometimes, all you have to do is ask before you tumble.

Another thing I want to mention in my rambling today (and I can not stress it enough). Our spouses can not give attention to us 24/7. They have their jobs and other commitments. We have to find ways to enjoy our own company. I like to read, write, or attend Lit events when I can. Occasionally, I go to a cafe or my favorite bar. Sometimes, to a library or for shopping. There is no reason why you should stop going out if your husband can’t accompany you. My husband definitely doesn’t put that imposition on me. He actually likes it when I go out with my friends and enjoy myself.

He will always ask when I get back,’Did my baby have fun?’

I will mostly say,’ Yes’ with a big smile. Or crib about something I didn’t like. But there will always be a story to share at the end of the day. I think that the communication is the key to the trust he has in me. When we start hiding things from each other, it will be the day when I will start to worry. And that will be the day when I will start feeling really lonely.