That you have become more irritable than you were before?
Do you feel that you have more friends than you ever had, and yet you never felt so lonely in your life?
No, I am not going to ask you to dial a helpline number.
Coz if that was the only solution, I'd have done it long back.
The reasons can be many- personal problems, pressure at workplace, expectations of your near ones to constantly live upto the image you have built for your self, the indomitable urge to excel always...
But the basic solution lies at one focal point - YOU
I believe happiness is a CHOICE, you have to CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY.
I might stand the peril of repeating myself, but this is my simple philosophy of life.
Do not only what pleases you, but also what makes you happy - truly.
ELIMINATE the factor that causes you grief and is the root cause of your emotional ill-being.
Once, someone said to me, "I don't encourage bitter experiences in my life"
I have the highest regards for that person becoz whatever I have known of him, I have found him to have a great capacity for happiness.
In the Moral Science classes at school, we were often given the instance of an empty water bottle. Father David (one of the best teachers I had) would ask us, "My dear children, if this bottle is empty, will I be able to quench my thirst?
If it doesn't have water inside, can it give water to me?
Similarly, you can't learn to love others unless you learn to love yourself first.
Because what you do not have, you can't give"
Someone pointed out that some of my posts had shades of Masochism.
I admit- pain did thrill me. Inflicting pain upon myself had a strange intoxicating effect. But after a while I realised..it is not all.
There might be 108 different shades of grey perceivable to the human eye..but there are more colors in life to add on the palette of life.
And so, I have decided to paint my variegated sky with the colors of my dreams.
I might win, I might lose. I might come back triumphant, I might not come back at all
Whatever happens, I will let you know...
till then
keep the faith
51 comments:
loved it..
have been around in many names..seen u spell magic with words..charm with thoughts..thrill and eloquence with expression, have seen a silver line of message shrouded in clouds of grief..
but this one is simply the best..simply the truth..the color that the leaf bears is of change..and i see on big positive one in your blog..
keep up the dream..go forth and achieve that..tehre will be one man for sure who will become the happiest seeing u happy..and he would continue dropping by ur blog..
would have sent the actual words written..
cos with your verbosity i'm so smitten..
add to it the enamouring presence u boast..
in the sea of ur enigma..i'm drown almost..
a teaser you are..so lemme play as well..
lemme try and resist..you magical spell..
lemme seek the nimbus in your dark coiffure..
but in exchange..what could i proffer..
words, hackneyed in poetic exuberance..
thoughts, drained away..the emptiness, your absence..
your variegated sky and my fleeting rays..
one solitary moment of company, ..to extension we both cagey..
lets see..what your read in this rhyme..
penny for thought..is it worth a dime..
your phone rings besides..its the caller you ignore..
your presence tonight..is what i shamefully implore..
very true..i can't give what i don't have..
its therefore i asked...
Now THIS is what I call as "you" writing. Your words, your thoughts, for they are all that wd matter.
Keep writing.
Aparna you are very right in saying no one can live up to everyone’s expectance. As far as this blog of yours is concerned it does add colors to all of us lives. I read your blog to satisfy my hunger for happiness; I come here to quench my thirst for motivation. Your writings motivate me to be optimistic; I was a pessimist when I first read ya Blog. Keep writing cheers, I donno about others but you live up to readers expectations... Know what I keep checking your blog for at least 5 to 6 times at different hours just in case you have written a new post... And I hate to miss it.
this was your tour de force, your masterpiece.
simple and deep. that characterizes your writing.
wish you all the best in your endeavors. may you come back triumphant to where you rightly belong.
your variegated sky will wait for you.
keep the faith ( sounds like the campain of the republicans ) no pun intended
when i take baby steps 1 2 4 and miss the 3 i will remember this post n plough on without hesitation as i kept the faith in what i do
u write well but its shrouded in despair.
As if you are trying to clutch on to something and it moves away from u at the last moment
What it is only you have to find out..
thanks i enjoyed reading ur blog, it gave me much more than i expected :) god bless u
and hope u meet ur goals in the journey of ur life...
I did not say achieve I said meet.. so there in lies the difference..
Do u know what the difference is
wow.. what a post.. and so true.. and so useful ... for me at least.. needed the pep talk... was abt time!
thanks...
and hope u follow ur own advice!
As I said to u on Chat earlier, on first read, I did not completely understand ur blog.
If we have faith in ourself, it shall happily see us through both highs and lows of life
A person who graduates today and stops learning tomorrow is uneducated the day after. In today's fast changing world to make ourselves relevant and successful we have to go on learning and growing. The moment we stop learning we stop growing.
The great philosopher Heraclitus said that the only permanent thing in this world is change. Everything is in constant flux. But human nature resists this change because change is uncomfortable, stressful and painful. We hate change so much and yet it is change that has brought in so much progress for us.
We need to learn from our mistakes, from our experience, from other people, from our failures and successes, from our leaders and followers if we want to learn and grow.
If you have a dream, follow it everywhere it takes you. And even in the darkest of corners you will feel strongest in the heart.
Sorry, I had pressed the publish button by mistake without completing my sentence, so deleted the last comment.
What I was saying is, this is very much my philosophy too in life. I used to have this signature at the end of my mails earlier which I truly believed in which kind of summarizes what u've said - "Not Happy now, will never be.."
Keep writing girl! its always a pleasure to read ur articles :)
I believe happiness is a CHOICE, you have to CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY.
-this is sthg i agree upon wholely and strongly, if u remember i had pounded upon the same in the 'meet' we had.
newys,do lemme 'no wat finally happens with the painting :p
Will be waiting,
-Ankur.
Hi
you are right, I guess it is all about attitude, but I also think alot of luck and almost divinity/serendipity comes into play.
good job always
vijay
hmmmmm...
u hv written nt to write just nice...bt can't help it...don have proper words to give a justfied comment...nice job!!
Easier said than done no? "Eliminate the factor that causes you grief..."
There is a stronger concept at work here that you have missed. Grief only exists so that happiness can exist(and vice versa). In other words, if something doesn't have the propensity to give you grief - it will never make you truly happy.
Now you yourself admit that you inflicted much pain upon yourself. Realize that without experiencing that, the joy you can feel today, and/or hope for tomorrow would have no relative basis of defintion. You know happiness because you have KNOWN pain... and I assure you - you'll know it again.
You can't go through life "avoiding" and "eliminating" these so-called factors. But you can realize that the ups and downs define each other and are a vital balance sustaining life. If you can truly understand that, then you'll find everything is worth it. Even pain.
Forgot to add: - the real choice lies in an acceptance of life as it comes - after that its what you make of it for yourself and others (enter your analogy of the empty glass and what it has to offer).
Your analogy implies being stuck in time - which is the opposite of what one should do. Recognize that tomorrow that same glass may have more to offer than just water because it has the capability to 'accept' right now... and it doesn't have to take JUST water. It can take and offer a variety of metaphorical things in its lifetime.
sorry for droning on...
liked it.
@ Aparna
happiness is a CHOICE, you have to CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY
--> I would only agree partially to this ... cause its so very much easier said that done!
Do not only what pleases you, but also what makes you happy
--> how easy or difficult do you think it is, to realise the second part of your sentence ? Do you know what makes you happy ? Do you make it a point to do so ? more than half the world doesnt know what makes them "happy" -- they like a routine ..
ELIMINATE the factor that causes you grief and is the root cause of your emotional ill-being.
--> this one is interesting. Interesting cause, I think, identify a trouble is much easier than identifying things which you *might* enjoy, if you ever tried it. (A very small scale example, I never thought I would enjoy playing billiards, until i tried it- even though i had the chance to play it everyday)
Okay before I digress, so identifying the cause might be *easier* , but might not always be correct! for example, one guy onces said "my life is hell cause of my boss" .. and he was quite wrong in this perception of his -- why ? cause the actual issue was not his boss, but the nature of his job! He was not cutout for the nature of job that company had to offer.
Bottomline : he knew there were reasons why he was unhappy, and he tried to identify too -- but couldnt see the real reason.
"I don't encourage bitter experiences in my life"
--> now this one is interesting too ... hmm.. what would your friend mean by "encouraging bitter experiences"?? I would give u an example from my side -- i recently decided to go for something ambitious. I work in a MNC, and can live off a very comfortable life (i do have one, but tahts another matter). Now the catch here is, I know that the risk of failure is very high. Its quite ambitious, and if i fail, I would be thru a real hard time.
So, should i not go for this ambition of mine, cause it has a chance of ending in a bitter note ?
btw, I am a crazy optimist of sorts. Crazy ? well yeah ... cause although I am very optimistic about things, I often do consider the worst possible outcomes.. in those moments, I am a hard core pessimist -- but sooner than later, I am back to devising ways, so that the outcome, is what the optimist in me envisioned.
I would appreciate your comments on the points raised by me above.
ciao...
@aye davanita
In Immunology, we studied something called secondary response
After the human body has recovered from a disease, B-cells produce memory cells that attack the disease causing organism if it invades again. This second response is much quicker than the first, thus preventing symptoms of the disease from occurring.
By this weird analogy I want to say that, I was referring to eliminate the "grief" that you have "already" experienced in life.
I believe in duality of Nature too. Without darkness, light would mean nothing. Without grief, happiness would just be just another biochemical change occuring in the body triggered by the synthesis/accumulation/absence of certain molecules.
We appreciate the value when we compare things... after all...nothing has an absolute value in this world, everything is relative.
But my point is, when you have identified certain factors that have been an impediment to your happiness, it is better to let go off them...
I can't explain from my reference frame cause that would probably require me to script down my autobiography first.
But you have a valid arguement, that has made me come back to reply.
Loved your perspective, would like to see you comment on my other related posts too
@anshuman
Imagine a situation- u are already working for a MNC, getting well-paid, have great friends and u r leading a comfortable life.
But suddenly u realize this "comfortable" is not enough.
You can call it ambition for material success-for your belief in LIFE MEANS MORE..
or u can call it your inner voice trying to urge to excel urself...
coz better is the only way to be.
U decide to take a major exam, leave behind the project u loved working for, probaly next in line for promotion, but u stay at home for a while and consider studying for the test ur going to take
U weigh certain factors, u risk a few things...
but u r not completely at ease with urself..coz there's a certain thought gnawing ur mind, WHAT IF I FAIL..???
Then?
There's a song in LRMB-
...Kitne sapne they jo dil mein hi marr gaye, chadne se pehle hi parvat se darr gaye
Ab to chadenge, girenge, dekhenge- kya hai parvato k paar...
U get the point?
U r right when u said, u never know until u have tried...
and for that..you have to try first...
If u have any such inclination- All the best.
I respect all those who can dare to dream...
@Saurav
Reminds me, my outgoing quote is-
Happiness is an attitude, it doesn't depend on circumstances
wow this one is some real philosophical stuff.. it's always gud to see a different perspectives abt life n happiness in general... but stickin to the philosophy over a period of time is THE KEY so just hope tht ur thoughts won't vacillate over a period time...
Yours Truely
Present Maa'm
@ Aparna
I somehow am not able to really relate your response to the point I was trying to make. I had an objection to statements like "I don't encourage bitter experiences in my life" , cause statements like these are the dissuading kinds (and ironically have earned your praise in your post)
The example given by me, and you, of going for something which deviates from the comforts of life is what I was referring to -- the adventure and its associated risks. Isnt life about the moments that take our breath away, and not really the number of moments we breath ?
My whole argument about your post were hinged on the fact that -
1) its not at all easy to know what makes u happy
2) its not easy to know what makes u unhappy
3) its not justifiable that one should not move towards goals, which have associated "bitter experiences" as hazards..
one of us is probably not getting the idea of the other I suppose ..
@ anshuman
lets just leave it on the absurdist notion .. happiness and unhappiness is relative and differs in everyone's perception of leading their life. Someone can be happy at yelling at someone, while he or she can repent later on (refers to unhappiness) for yelling at someone.
wht do u think?
@ Anonymous
happiness and unhappiness is relative
-- egg-jactly ;-D
and differs in everyone's perception of leading their life
-- yes, very true.
Someone can be happy at yelling at someone, while he or she can repent later on (refers to unhappiness) for yelling at someone.
-- very good example ! this example illustrates an interesting facet of our emotions. When a person shouts, more often than not, it is out of a sense of frustation, a sense of unhappiness. so basically, when one shouts, its not cause shouting gets you happiness , but rather cause of the fast that shouting is associated with venting out the inner built up emotions . Point to note here is, while we might say hey that guy feels happy shouting at us, but in reality, he is not thinking (or feeling) anywhere happy about it -- its his unhappiness and frustation which is distating and influencing his behaviour.
And now the other part, when he/she repents. This is when your mind has calmed down a bit .. and then you realise that shouting didnt fetch you happiness, neither did it get rid of your unhappiness. He/she is back to square one -- cause the cause of unhappiness was never addressed, the attempt to move to happiness was never made.
:-)
P.S : even wondered how a smile from a friend can lift the gloomiest of moods ?
Hmm Collect all the comments and put them in a new post :) so many comments n soooo loooooooong comments hee hee
Be original Saurabh..u have suggested it to me b4 :P
@ Aparna
did you notice that 25% of your comments are from dear Saurabh ? ;-D cmon he is being so 'dedicated', dont call him repititive :-D
@anshuman
I don't really appreciate tangent remarks on any of my readers
But I am sure he's glad u r helping "defend" him..coz most of the times...he has to do it himself.
Btw,I 'd rather say that one of my more "dedicated" readers is the absurdist who commented under anonymous.
Number of comments don't suggest anything.
Quantity never did matter..except if u r in the advertising world, where repetition works..sometimes though..
The manufacturer's advertising effort,after a certain level, may be perceived as unreasonably high, implying low manufacturer confidence in product quality... the consumers perceive excessive advertsing effort as a sign of manufacturer's desperation, and the result may be less favorable brand perception..
get the point? :P
And about ur three-pointer
1) its not at all easy to know what makes u happy
2) its not easy to know what makes u unhappy
3) its not justifiable that one should not move towards goals, which have associated "bitter experiences" as hazards..
There are subtle differences that makes things quite easy to differentiate..and it was not until now that I disovered what makes me truly happy..it isn't a person or a place ..or some event occuring that gives me a high..it is a certain philosophy called "ABSURDISM"
I subscribed to it even before I knew about it..
Try it out sometimes, I am more than just grateful to Kierkegaard, Albert Camus and the likes...
20 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks.Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks,Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Don t use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......
Share this with as many people as you can!!!
Its truth that people are most likely to fail in knowing themselves ,
i am sure u know urself as much as no body can know
u wrote u expect more than nice , i would say its a gift for us that we are part of those who got the oppurtunity to know u
I am sure u will discover a lot . u r really close to achievements , ur life is a wonder , be happy, so u are the one called
aparna kar truly madly deeply . let be it the truth
if there is any Goddess/Mistress in this world, then its You
quite an introspective piece ... this thing has been going on in my mind for the last few days too ... the absence of sunshine led to such ennui-induced thoughts, i believe :D ...
the key point of the idea is that one needs to identify the cause of sadness - and that's not an easy task for a saddened mind!! any ideas there?
@ Aparna
I don't really appreciate tangent remarks on any of my readers
--> I stated a fact, and nothing more. To see more into it would be a perception of the reader's mind :-)
But I am sure he's glad u r helping "defend" him
--> defend who ? er .. am i missing something ? I was just stating my own views.. I do read other people's views too (they provide interesting insight), but I am still not evolved as a person who had the will to defend others ..
Btw,I 'd rather say that one of my more "dedicated" readers is the absurdist who commented under anonymous.
--> well.. just a doubt ma'm : how do you know the "anonymous" is one person? :-D There might be a handful, who post as "anonymous" ? wot say you ?
The manufacturer's advertising effort,after a certain level, may be perceived as unreasonably high, implying low manufacturer confidence in product quality... the consumers perceive excessive advertsing effort as a sign of manufacturer's desperation, and the result may be less favorable brand perception..
get the point? :P
--> good example of human psyche.. what was the point btw? :-P
1) its not at all easy to know what makes u happy
2) its not easy to know what makes u unhappy
3) its not justifiable that one should not move towards goals, which have associated "bitter experiences" as hazards..
There are subtle differences that makes things quite easy to differentiate..
--> i wonder that if its so easy, why dont most of us do it ? :-)
and it was not until now that I disovered what makes me truly happy..it isn't a person or a place ..or some event occuring that gives me a high..it is a certain philosophy called "ABSURDISM"
--> thts a nice way to convince your mind that the steps you take shall absolve you of any associated guilt.. interesting
I subscribed to it even before I knew about it.. Try it out sometimes, I am more than just grateful to Kierkegaard, Albert Camus and the likes...
--> I am not philosophy student or reader, but I have a very keen interest in human nature and associated philosophy. I thus end up having very interesting discussions with the like minded ... and fights with those who are rigid minded :))
totally agree that you need to learn to luv urself for what you truly are.....and hard experiences in life, completely shatter ur ego and ur self confidence but u come out so much stronger, so much more aware of urself....and that's what u shud aim for anyway....
@angshuman
1. I know there are quite a handful who post under "anonymous", but I was referring to the Absurdist anonymous..coz I know who he is..
he is the same person who said " I don't encourage bitter experiences in my life" :D
2. The point I was trying to prove with Kirmani's theory in advertising was that..quantity/ frequency of occurence doesn't matter.. rather it works unfavorably sometimes.
I have a habit of drawing analogies.. and this time around I was referring to the supposed "dedicated" reader to a manufacturer's product :)
We all are marketing ourselves in some way..selling our thoughts... An effective communication is the best example of successful marketing of ideas...:P
3. We get to know , we discover our happiness..eventually..oh we do...
4. "absolve you of any associated guilt" ?
didn't quite get it.. r u referring to my inability to identify my elements of happiness?
Which I already have.. my dear Sir :P
5. Fights??? Holy cow!!
arguements are more like it.. :)
have u noticed ever..rather than agreeing with like minded people, if u step out from ur comfort circle..u get to see another perspective of the same aspect?.. the facet of the diamond which shines as well.. but with a different color maybe..
:)
6. thank god I am not a philosophy student or reader as well..At 22, I'd rather stick to my daily dose of "normal" reading stuff :P
It was a realization, a school of thoughts that had intrigued me...
otota bhaari hoye jaabey jaantam na..anyways...
The war is still on.. ( as u referred to "fights" )
And I am curious.... :P
Changing Color Its a poignant Title for a poignant post... Made me remind of my past of my life.. of the changing colors....
My first love
My first crush
My first dot dot dot you know what :)
My first heart break... that was terrible to handle.
But as i grew up and soaked in life'z differents colors i realized that there will be a day where in i will be partial to a single color and would like to stick to that.. no matter what.
So i tried that... and failed.
I tried again and failed
I took it as a challenge that no matter what I will not change the way i live my life, cos im correct.
I lost in love 3 times, everytime i overcame it with greater difficulty and everytime i found someone to help me through, someone who I dreamed will be the one i spend my life with only for them to go away, Did it make me bitter ??? No it did not, i got myself up brushed my clothes tended to my wounds and lived to see the next sunrise.
So when love struck me unexpectedly this time around, what would you think i went through ??
I was excited and i was filled with trepidition at the same time thinking that this will also go the same way, same course... like others... I am just not good enough maybe...
But i decided to fall headlong... and i was suprised by what i saw..
After so many years i felt alive cos i saw the child in me reaching out to the child in her. its like i reached back to my inner self the way everyone is supposed to be but they never are.
The first day i saw her she had her face hidden behind her hands, trying to see me through her fingers, cos' she feared i might dissapear and then when she saw me, she hugged me, that was my first meeting with her.
Everything clicked it was just perfect, nothing seemed to go wrong... and i guess thats where i was mistaken... She and me never fought, we both are hot headed but we never fought with each other and the only day we really fought.. we stopped talking..
Now we do talk but its like talkin to a stranger...
Life Changed you might say.. but i would say that it came back again to the same pattern..
We say changing colors, but we forget that its a cycle which repeats so the colors will come back and then change again....
Sometimes you have to be strong enough to resist the change and make the cycle turn back...
Thats what I have to do... get my love back .... will i succeed .. will i fail.. I dont know but then whenever my hopes go down.. i remember her eyes peeking through the fingers which were hiding her face and it brings a smile on my lips.. why will i want to change colors when i had the perfect color in my life... guess i will never know..
Actually I do know cos its her and I love her... so im not giving up i am fighting for her and thats what everyone should do... Not give up on hope.. cos miracles do happen in this world...
She said to me once that I am perfect and i replied that I am her angel with one wing and shez mine with one wing and together we will fly in the sky... so colors might change as i said before but what i choose to live in is my choice...
@Saurabh
Life is too short to be with the wrong person.
Maybe, in spite of the apparent perfection..the relation was not meant to last forever..or not the way you wanted it to be.
"Insecurity of losing love makes us mistakenly lose the friend in them. Insecurity of losing the friend in them makes us mistakenly fall in love with them"
Your fixation on the idea that you have lost in love might have led to your getting over the edge in trying to win her.. things could have been better if you were just friends. Every lasting relation is based on mutual understanding...we call friendship.
Accept something..she was NEVER meant to be yours...
If she has been honest with you, and has not been leading you on, but has admitted that there has to be certain thumb rules in the relation then respect them..if you don't want to lose her entirely
In all probability she is in love with someone else, let her be happy with him.
If she had said once- "You are perfect".. it could have been in reply to your query "What does he have that I don't ?"..what she meant was probably that ..you are a complete human being, just like everyone else is...and you have been a great person to know but she might feel that she will be happier with someone else...
Choice is yours.. you be her friend, and you can be with her for the rest of your lives.
Push her to the edge and she might just want to get away from you...
Great songs today i am hooked to Denver yesterday was Sunshine..
U Know Who
Some Stranger for others
...your last two posts have attracted an astounding number of comments.
clearly too many people with too much time on their hands...
(sigh).. myself included.
To all my readers
I just discovered that "water" was used so many times in the last post that Adsense has begun to give ads on incontinence in my blog...
Lolz
@anonymous
Yes I know u
Glad that u liked the collection..
A few of my other favs include:
-Songbird by Eva Cassidy
-If you are not the one by Daniel Bedingfeild ( it was in the movie Pride and Prejudice ),and
-Oh my pretty pretty boy which is an English adaptation of a Mandarin song..
Hope u like them all :)
TC
keep visiting
Hey Pls Dont tune into "Oh my pretty pretty boy" on regular basis..remember the kick thing we discsd...Has to be only once in a veryyyyyyyyy longggg while not at all on reglr basis..
U Know Who
Some Stranger for others
By the way its Roobaroo today
yes. having faith on you.
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