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Tuesday, September 20, 2005

A lesson learnt

The world is a lot more than that appears from an open window.

I had to go to Gurgaon & I decided to catch a bus from 37 Chowk,Noida
It is a common sight for daily wayfarers-a blind man with a long bamboo shaft stationed at the bus stop hitting the rear ends of the buses & screaming out the destinations
I found it quite curious & asked my fellow traveller-why was he doing so("Yeh aise kyu kar rahe hai?")
He enlightened me-the blind man helped the conductor of various bus services.In return they helped him monetarily on a monthly basis.
My words are inadequate to describe my feelings.I won't even try - I won't do justice to them
All I knew was I felt like reaching out to him & touch his feet in reverence.
(I do get emotional at times...most of the times..ok so all the time)

The idea of a visually impaired ,placed in the lower rung of society and NOT begging -was so novel to me..I welcomed the idea with open arms.
It was time for me to leave & I left with something warm inside.
I could feel my heart melt.

Someday in the course of time,if I forget the dignity of life & my worth as a human being,I'll try to think of the man at 37 Chowk,Noida & I am positive-My faith will be restored.

Life's lessons are learnt in the most unlikely places.

Monday, September 19, 2005


It's not easy being a woman..
Not that I am complaining :)
Since I took to improve my culinary skills and my friends took a fancy to it...I have them once in a while to have a grub.
Yesterday after classes one of my buddies asked me to make some sandwiches and omelette..which he found lip smacking the other day..I was tired but had to oblige
Soon a couple of Bro's friends arrived and while they chatted in the drawing room I was busy experimenting in the kitchen
(Oh ! Cooking has always been like a chemistry practical class to me..a sense of proportion and a sense of time..n wholla!! U r a magician)
Now,I can't serve differentially
there was another fellow who wouldn't eat eggs ..well, cheese and olive sandwiches for him...

How much I wanted someone to help me in the kitchen(I WAS REALLY TIRED)
..the maid was gone..bro's frns were kinda new acquaintances to me..
my Frn would help me best by keeping away from the kitchen as much as could-I told him so! :D
Of course I couldn't ask bro to help me..he had his friends to entertain..
n I fancied some real decent chap helping me out in the kitchen..
(I mean help as in "help"..what were u thinking????)

No one gave me a concession because I scored highest in Mock 4 in both the batches..
I am a woman(or at least growing to be one)
..the home maker..I am supposed to make everyone feel at home..or that is what I feel my responsibilty is..
No one told me one made me swear by his /her head..
but I

U might disagree n even think I am a pro feminist..
but think of it..
The perfect woman is one who can cook like mom,make love like a whore,be a real friend when it comes to secrets,is worldly successful..and is madly in love with u.

Since we believe in polarity ,for any person with a sense of symmetry this implies that at the opposite end there has to be a corresponding list of characters..I mean the perfect man should cook like Dad etc..etc...
(in case I forgot to mention-Dad cooks really well...Yummy)

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Then ..and now...

It flashed across her mobile screen...1 message recieved...
She pressed on a button tiredly . The inbox showed a name she had tried to delete innumerable times from her phone book...but everytime another phone call from him or a message and she would hurriedly save it again ..trying to hold onto the last bit of connection she could with him...
She knew it was perfunctory..but she was getting used to it.
The message read...

Issss..How could I have forgotten your birthday yesterday?! I am so sorry honey..Happy (belated ) birthday.Please forgive my forgetfulness

Thanks...anyways my birthday was on 14th

Did she actually care anymore?
They say numbness follows excruciating pain..she was probably in Phase II now..
she didn't care what he said or what he felt..if he meant it when he said he still needs her...
What for?

Her days seemed to pass in a trance...
She tried to keep herself busy..making work an excuse
She found comfort in words..they would mother her,heal her wounds..she would let them flow...flow like a pleasant fountain
It was strange how a cascade of words bore it's origin from a barren heart as hers..

Strangers with familiar faces would come and smile ..say kind words.Appreciate her.Say how much they wanted to tap her talents in creative writing.
She would listen patiently..acknowledge their kind gestures ...
Thank them and smile..a strange smile...
a smile no one could decipher the meaning of...

She would smile for three people she knew... who she was in the past, who she is in the present,and who she will be in the future...

Friday, September 16, 2005

16th September,2005

11 A.M.
At times I think I am others I am sure of it

Itr's raining outside-I'm sitting under my vestibule on a chair,wrapping my legs in a blanket to keep them warm.
The wind is crazy n the trees are dancing in a frenzy.It's like the world is embraced in an overdose of passion-with each moment more ecstasic than the other.
Wish I had a cup of hot coffee/tea to sip on..but I don't feel like making it myself...
Aah!!! God must be listening to me today! Here comes the chai-wala.
Time for some introspection....
the past few days have passed in a blur.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

"...when demi-gods go,Gods arrive...."

I often find myself telling a friend who talks of a broken heart.
I believe love should give u happiness...if it makes ur life miserable and u still take credit for bearing it..I am sorry..I don't have my sympathies for u... u r a miserable wretch...full of self pity..happy with the thought that the object of ur affection gives u attention by kicking right on ur teeth
We,human beings have a strange need for emotional well -being...the need to shower affection on someone we hold dear..maybe not the ideal one..but still...
We probably have the superstition that love can change anyone....
here is it where we go wrong..the basic nature of a Homo sapien can't change(dunno about chimps)
Radical change is bull shit!
People go out of their way to look for happiness.....while all the might be sitting just next to u... someone most aptly puts it..INSIDE u!

I probably did the same...
believing those stupid fairy tales I read as a child..
kissing myself sore..expecting a frog to turn into a prince..
no, it does not happen in real life.Period.