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Tuesday, November 13, 2018

My first ring

Every ring has a story.
SG proposed to me on Dec 9, 2006, with this ring from Kay. It cost just $100 back then and was a little loose for my ring finger because he didn’t know my finger size. The sentimental value of this thing is immense. Was talking about it to my friends recently and thought of wearing it for a few days to remember the flutter of heart I felt every time I thought that I was betrothed. We got married on December 10, 2010. Almost 4 years later.

At our green card interview, the interviewing officer asked why did we marry so late after dating. I replied: We were students. We were studying. (and evidently too poor to get married)

It will be 12 years of a dating relationship this December. Baby, you are my sunshine when the skies are grey. ❤️

Tuesday, November 06, 2018

I am Kali

I was born of the rage of my mother:
To devour the demons that she fought.

I wore their heads in a necklace
To remind the wrongdoers that no evil deed goes unpunished.

I wage wars against the darkness
Even though my skin is dark.

Blood drips from my lips and the scyther I hold,
My lolling red tongue is the cause of nightmares.

But remember-
I was born because all was not right with the world.
Or else my pacifist sisters would have sufficed.

I was born because there were injustice, hatred, and pillage.
And as long as I see those happening
Another earthly girl will take my form
And bring down her fury upon the world.

If you want a lotus instead of a scyther,
Treat her well.
Your mother, wife, daughter, sister-
She can be Annapurna or Kali.

Sunday, November 04, 2018

A book of scars - 1

Freewriting about pain and betrayal

Don’t make me say it out loud
Because I know
You won’t hear it through the noise.

Read my lips, hear my heartbeat
Across a room full of strangers.
Does it sound familiar?
Do you remember the promises you made?

A mind is a tricky place.
You remember the things you want to.
And conveniently forget the rest.

But I remember-
Every lie you have ever told me.
Every lie I ever believed in
With every inch of my body.

Like a python coils
And squeezes its prey to death,
You drove the life out of me.

How do you live devoid of faith?
Stripped of the ability
To ever trust another human being?

People call me heartbroken
But my friends know better-
There was nothing left to be broken.

Inch by inch,
It decayed beneath my ribs-
One lie at a time.

Sunday, October 21, 2018

ফিরে পাওয়া

কখনো মনে হয় ফেলে আসা দিনগুলো ছিল সোনায় মোড়া?
এক টুকরো গোধূলির সূর্যে রাঙা আকাশটা ছিল আমাদের সবচেয়ে বড় প্রাপ্তি। 
তাও আমরা সন্তুষ্ট ছিলাম ‘এটাই স্বর্গ!’ ভেবে । 

ব্যাংকে রাখা মূলধন সুখের হিসেব দেয় কি?
সবকিছু থেকেও যেন কোথাও একটা অতৃপ্তি-
দুজনের প্রতি দুজনের অনেক নিঃশব্দ অভিযোগ । 

চলো না আজ ফিরে যাই সেই ফেলে আসা গোধূলির মুহূর্তে, 
তেমনি রাঙ্গুক না আকাশ আজ তোমার চুম্বনে । 

Sunday, September 30, 2018

The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro

The Remains of the DayThe Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

''The evening is the best part of the day.'

It was a very well-written book and though I don't agree with the definition of 'dignity' by the protagonist, Stevens, I respect him for the sacrifices he had to make to render his services to his employer, even on the occasion of his father's imminent death. His ideology stopped him from living a different, maybe even more fulfilling life. However, he seems to be representative of the English butler who kept the wheels of many important households running, while himself being invisible behind the scenes.

My bantering skills are at par with Stevens's, so I do understand his struggle to converse light-heartedly. Now, I can't wait to see the movie starring Anthony Hopkins and Emma Thompson that was nominated for eight Academy Awards. I had to wait until I finished reading the book to see how a successful screenplay is adapted. Also, the story arc of Mr. Carson in Downton Abbey was remarkably similar to Stevens. Probably heavily 'inspired' by the book.

View all my reviews

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Pushing yourself: Is it really worth it?

We often find ourselves wondering when things get uncomfortable - is it really worth it? However, nothing of value can be achieved if we don't feel the heat- both physically and mentally.

I am highly diabetic. Good diet and exercise keep me alive and kicking for another day. Eating out leaves me feeling groggy with elevated blood sugar and affects my energy levels even the following day. Ever since I was diagnosed, I have cooked meals for myself every single day. This takes time and so I preferred to work-from-home for my employees. Recently, a role change has required me to go to work every day and eat out occasionally. I try my best to pack a lunch from home. But some days, when clients visit, the day starts early and ends late with no energy or enthusiasm left for cooking.

Longer work days also mean that the propensity to relax on weekends is more than the inclination to socialize. I like to have my friends over and have them enjoy my cooking. But SG and I also want to catch up on chores and have relaxed conversations without feeling the rush to accomplish anything on Saturdays and Sundays. Sometimes, I find myself preparing for the following week at work and with joy. This has been a tremendous learning experience for me. And I am grateful for it.

I like to voice my thoughts over a mic and feel connected to an audience. I have missed out on attending Live Lit on Thursdays for the past two months. Something I had been committed to for over a year. These are trade-offs of things I value.  I don't like saying that 'I am busy.' That is abstract. I like to define that I can have consecutive 10-hours days and since it is a start-up, everyone has to pull their weight. Also, this is more than just a 'job' for me, so I want to do my best.

I had two options:
  1. Stay in a comfortable job and learn marginally. 
  2. Push myself to the limit and see how far I can grow.
The seed would never grow if it were comfortable in the warmth of the earth, It decides to push against the dirt to become self-sufficient. Similarly, you have to step out of your comfort zone and expose yourselves to different energies. Allow yourself to feel the discomfort. Allow yourself to fail even. But focus on the growth. Only the growth.