I was living in a world where people noticed only my earthly visage.They were so stuck on it that they didn't probe deeper.Maybe they couldn't.
Most lived and burnt out like meteorites trying to reach out for the Earth.
In their flashes- I glittered and being so distracted by the outer facade-began to see less of my inner spark.
Amidst all the unwanted attention I basked in a fake sense of glory.Among all the voices hollering praise and applauses-somewhere , I lost my voice.
I couldn't listen to myself speak,couldn't hear my thought processes.I became a lot less like myself and a lot more like what my list of admirers wanted me to be.
Then one day...I came across a stranger.
Someone whose initial conditions of life was markedly different,whose struggle for existence and present living conditions were none like mine.But somehow..we were alike.
We had the same notions ,though they were formed differently and independently.
In a world of 5.7 billion people ,I found someone like me...
I loved to listen to him speak.I felt he was voicing my thoughts,telling me what I wanted to say to myself.
I thought I found my lost voice..
One day he asked me..what does he mean to me...
I couldn't reply.
What do u call a person who is the reflection of your soul?
What name do give to the relation that transcends everything that you have experienced so far?
A good acquaintance? A friend? A soul mate?
Nothing seemed to me enough
And so...I KEPT QUIET
But he could not read my silence.
He didn't realise..feelings don't always have apt words to describe them..we only make vain efforts to explain what we FEEL...but everything falls short..I didn't want to do that..I wanted him to FEEL too..feel the completeness....but he couldn't.He thought I was vain,proud,arrogant,unfeeling..
He was a very logical being..he wanted an answer to everything....my silence drew him away..and when he turned his back to go...I felt something warm flowing down my left cheek...I realised it was a single drop of tear.
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24 comments:
Guys will want everything to happen fast, very fast and will need answer to everything. But the fairer sex will not speak much
rather expect him to read her eyes
for the answer. Someone who cant read the eyes of a woman can only
fall in love, they cant rise in love.
Cheers
Raj
I was just sitting in an inspired space and fondling my keyboard when suddenly it struck me to organise my thoughts...The male protagonist in the blog is not a person for real...he has the shades of characters I have met in life.
This is actually a page from my diary.
I fearlessly clicked on the Post button.. n waited hopefully to recieve an endless variety of instantaneous comments... I did, and I'm happy to have dared to do it.
I don't want to generalize, but women often restrain themselves too much. They often take too long to speak the words that are on their lips. But then, 'That's how women are' seems the right thing to say..
So how about 'That's how men are'??
I'm not really taking his side, bcos unlike him, I waited a long time for the woman I loved, to speak those words... and I was rewarded in the end..
Another little note: If he didnt wait, did he really understand you that well? and was he really worth your love?
Reminded of this poem ...
The Guy in the Glass
When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that guy has to say.
For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,
Who judgement upon you must pass.
The feller whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the guy staring back from the glass.
He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.
You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.
You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the guy in the glass
-- Dale Wimbrow
Hi Aparna,
In matters of the heart(in most matters actually),I guess, its best to let go of your ego...If this guy really means that much to you then correct your silence, even now, if need be...
Been a long time...just spotted the link to your blog on orkut, and thought I"d have a dekko...
very well expressed. a very deep insight into relationshps, especially the transient nature of relationships. On the flip side, if words are needed to express the way you feel and to quote you "What I mean?", then mebbe the relationsip isn't quite at the plane you portray it to be, or mebbe it just isn't meant to be! Food for thought?
Hey Aparna,
Amazing style of writing.
I loved it sooo much, I hav already ready it multiple times...and each time I read, I find it more meaningful.
Aparna, I am a first time visitor here. And to tell you the truth, your writing has that timeless quality of being. The flow of emotions is just so very natural. And the coda is class itself.
Do visit me some time, i am your blogs namesake!
I just made me weep. Very emotional. Yo babes, it happens in life that u don't get what u dream of. But i guess wasn't it too rude not to utter a single word. Sometimes its bad to hide ur feelings. And tht happened with u .
If its true, mate its not good.
@debubhai
Yes it is love..the most complex of all emotions..
Only that the desire to possess takes the charm away...
@Pdey
It's me..it's u..it's everyone..
who has ever known someonme close enough have seen the reflection of his/her soul..
But I guess..life has more mysteries than we can comprehend...
U or me..can make only vain efforts..
sometimes I think..what avail is it of anyways..
@Rajesh
Thx:)
@Anuj
Thx..I am humbled..if I made those tears flow..
It's not abt wanting something..
It's abt wanting smthng so much tht u fear to lose it..n in turn..fear to own it as well..
@Vinay
U encourage me..
I am glad to know u found more than one dimension to it..
keep discovering...
Really lucky chap! ( My Guy huh!)
@arun
not really :)
this post was a figment of my imagination...
and "my guy" is my reality..
Hmm, thats now an vintage incident, dont know how would you feel if i comment now
Hmm, thats now an vintage incident, dont know how would you feel if i comment now
the blog description says... I have never tried to comprehend the whole of myself at once..I know it will take time.. In my journey towards self realisation
and then the post label reads fiction
@raven
Sorry for disappointing you.
But fiction has its say too when it comes to define someone... in this case it's me.
Well let me correct it to "semi-fiction". That should suffice.
again...may be i am late here too....but cant stop me writing something..!!!
you know one thing aparna....u said that guy to be a logical being...but what i feel its not being logical but being particular....! if he would have been logical he might have felt what u felt for him,could have made out "we only make vain efforts to explain what we FEEL"....but there he failed as he expected that in words...!! logic needs something thinking what he didnt give time for. he needed readymade answer.
Could have remained silent... no words to do justice to something wonderfully writen!
Subhan-allah! If words had wings, you would be a bird. May you live a thousand years, and each year have a thousand days, and you write something as good as this one for each day of the year. Keep writing... TC.
Amazing! I was searching for the excerpts of Tagore and luckily got that. Good one to start with Rabindranath.
You can also post your comments on my blog:http://wearetheworld-debdeep.blogspot.com/
Cheers and take care.
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