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Tuesday, June 21, 2005

A beginning and an end

Everything that has a beginning has an end..
Maybe..but I haven't seen anything ending actually.
Things transform...n when they turn too ugly we comfort ourselves by playing with the idea that it has ENDED.
Sometimes we drag the corspe of a decaying existence just for the heck of it.

It is necessary to delete an engram to go ahead with life.
Selective memory is the secret of happiness
U don't need to be a masochist to enjoy has a kind of intoxicating effect..
just like when u get piercings done in ur body..u get addicted...want to go back again to do it..just to go through the pain again

Dunno the chemistry..probably Dopamine released at the synapse does it..

But one day u realise.. Life is not only about is waiting..calling...spreading her arms n asking u to embrace her...
u want to give the best of urself..u want to dedicate urself to a cause n live for a purpose.
It is when u wake up from a long drawn sleep n want to rise ..go forth

U feel a certain kinship with all living forms of the world and u begin to respect life even more...

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Growing up...

I had always believed maturity means accepting myself as I am.
Over the years I have learnt it also includes being involved in everything and yet being detached.Let nothing effect my inner peace.
I had once told one of my friends"I am too determined to be happy to give life a chance to make me sad" when he had asked "How's life treating you?"
I was too young then to comprehend the completeness of my own the world is a little more my own..and I am glad I was right.
It is not the great things that make us happy.It is the small moments...the trifles that go a long way to contribute to our overall well-being
How often do we waste our valuable time in musing over an unkind word at college/workplace from a classmate/colleague or an unfeeling lecturer/boss.At traffic signals shouting at every moron who is driving faster or every idiot who is honking the horn behind ??
If we could take an effort each day to make ourselves happy -
Wake up in the morning and flash a smile at the mirror even if we looked like the Third world war has just ended.Smile at an infant's toothless grin.Pat the pet more often.
Stare at a wild flower growing by the hedge for a moment longer.

Happiness comes from within.We should stop looking for it.

I don't prophesise the idea of being just a passive observer n let life make its an active a storming river..torrent,energitic -breaking down all obstacles that block ur way...taking along with it or leaping over it but never stopping....

Give ur best efforts but don't expect..I am not asking u to attain some stage of sainthood...but take care to make the journey ur pleasure.

Success is an ever extending horizon.When we have reached somewhere, we set forth newer goals n programme ourselves to concentrate our efforts in achieving them.
It is unending.Such is the human nature.

So,wouldn't it be justice to ourselves if at the end of the day we look back n feel glad about not only having reached somewhere but having chosen the path we have?

Meander if u must.As long as ur centripetal force is working u'll never go astray..n that force is probably the values we have imbibed..certain principles which eventually become our guiding rules.But be flexible.There are always exceptions to the rules.

U know u r on a learning curve if every mistake u make is a new one.
Respect urself for what u r.

Had I been given a chance to live life all over again I'll make the same mistakes just to ensure that I evolve to be the person I am now.It is not vanity,It is self-love.
Some might think what use is it anyway?

I will ask-how can u offer to someone else what u don't urself have?

And most importantly..never kill the child in u..let it be curious,let it demand answers,let it explore n let it fool about.

Friday, June 10, 2005

The maverick and the traditional

Finally !!! I got my navel pierced.Dad's reaction was "Well Done! You have done a great job"
This is just his way..and I love him for that.The element of surprise is so negligible in him..I sometimes wonder if it is by virtue of being my Dad or he was born with it.
Anyways he has always been liberal and fortunately so.
I had mentioned once casually to one of my aunts(in January) the infinite possibilities(read:regions) of getting a piercing done and she nearly fainted.
I dropped the idea because she almost scared me to death when she claimed that I was prone to being HIV+ as soon as I got a needle stuck in my body(that is why I'm bidding my time to get a tattoo done)
6 months is more than enough to suppress a desire.I was in GK-I , M-block market yesterday and the idea came back to me.
What if I died tomorrow? I would always repent not having done something I wanted to.
At least I would like my corpse better with a navel ring (Dunno how this fascination with navel rings first memories are that of Antara Mali doing a "Makhmali yeh badan ki nazaakatey haseen.."in Road and then Lara Dutta in "Chori Chori chhora chhori.." in Masti...I just couldn't take my eyes off those females!!)
Back in hostel it caused quite a stir among my friends..everybody wanted to get a glimpse of it..after many sessions of photography and video clippings with in built camera in cell phones.. did they rest satisfied.
I celebrated the new addition to my body by throwing a dance party in my room.Lights off,windows open,deck in full volume..n ACTION!!!

Suddenly I remembered something.
The previous day I was sitting with a couple of my friends in Swirls relishing ice creams when an elderly couple entered the ice -cream parlour..I noticed there was a scarcity of seats and readily gave up my seat (one of my old habits..been teased a lot by companions for this n been appreciated a few times ..but what the heck! I am what I am)
When I was paying the bill one of my friends was told"You girls are really well mannered ..Keep it up!"
I got the message and felt glad that she acknowledged.
Sometimes elders demand respect as if we have no other way out.But if someone genuinely appreciates our efforts or even a good feels great..
But it is not what I was thinking..when I was dishing out the most wacky(Ahem!read : erotic) steps much to the delight of my companions.I thought what would the lady say if she saw me NOW!!

Thank God we can lead a multifaceted life and each personality is in sharp contrast with the other.Too much of conventionalism would make life insipid and over dose of entertainment would be unhealthy.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Life is beautiful...

We often forget the wonder of all wonders..the vital force that lies within each of us.
Most of the times I am not conscious how lucky I am to be alive,to be fortunate to close my eyes in feigned death each night to visit graceland...n dream even the seemingly impossible to wake the next morning with the oppurtunity to materialise it.
This is life ,a process of continuous self-evolution.To accomplish,to achieve,to be more than what we initially started our journey with.

But what is death?
Biologically, it is the ceasation of protoplasmic activity.
Just a full stop( I'm not talking about the phase of existence after physiologial death here)

That makes me wonder..what legacy am I going to leave behind when I am gone?

There lies the paradox..we never realise the value of life until we think of death.
Compared to the vastness of universe..our existence is so miniscule,so scant, so unimportant that we suddenly feel detached and all the efforts seem to be in vain.

Maybe that is why we fall in love,we get married( to the person we love most-ideally)
We want a witness to even our mundane day-to-day events.
We want to say-"I want to leave behind a part of me with you when I am gone"

We might not achieve immortality but we assume considerable significance.Our existence is acknowledged and cherished.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Of Azure and Red

On Saturday , I was blue and so I decided to freak out with one of my closest gal pal.She almost religiously checks out the guy crowd in Centrestage Mall.(In college lingo we call it NSP-Nain Sukh Prapti).I decided to join in for a change.
It actually took me some time to hit on a guy.He wasn't too flashy.A soothing face,a physique which I would grade..average plus delta(towards obesity).
Not the "Oh!! So HOT!!" kinds but the one for the keeps.
While I crossed him, I looked at him admiringly and he flashed me a smile of acknowledgement.I was almost expecting him to come after me (as had been in cases even when I hadn't shown interest & in this case..I was expressive)
But,to my surprise,he turned almost 180 degrees as if expecting someone else to come from the wing of the building I had come from.
Alighting from the stairs I saw him with a chick who seemed to appear by his side like a conjurer's trick..
The guy upstairs has a weird sense of humour!!

Finally I reconciled to the fact that "ALL DESIRABLE MEN ARE MARRIED/COMMITTED,GAY OR DEAD"

P.S Of course,I wasn't blue anymore,I was red with embarrassment.

And that marked the end of my NSP-ing career

Saturday, June 04, 2005


Even an eternal optimist like me can be pinned down n feel blue...
It is one of those moments when u feel nihilistic...u want to deny all existence n that the rest of the world might hear ur expression of anguish n realise the pain u r going least a bit of it...

I sometimes wonder..why do I get so easily perturbed?Why do I care for someone who doesn't have an iota of faith in me..???


I wish my fingers could bleed while I 'm typing this out...

I get weird ideas when I am blue...

A friend suggested I should see many beautiful things around us are blue....this sky, oceans and our blue planet....

Well this is what I usually do..turn to Mother Nature for solace...

But nothing seems to be working today...

I know time is the greatest healer...n by evening when I'm freaking out with my friends probably I'll not even remember that I had to hear those unkind,untrue words..and even scripting this blog is helping it is venting my frustrations...sorry was just a selfish blog..but I know many of u can empathise with me..we all have our shares of griefs..of those cruel moments when we feel we have been unfairly treated by some one who matters...

But certainly I am not going to sit n sulk...(not for a long time that is...)

Life is rich n it has more to offer than I can ask for...
Will try n ask for what I have forgotten to...
Till the next blog...
Take care