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Wednesday, December 27, 2006

GMAT : Just do it

You might have heard these before, but let me tell you just once more.

#1. More than anything else, GMAT is an ENDURANCE test.
225 minutes=AWA 30 minutes (Analysis of an Issue)+ 30 minutes (Analysis of an Argument) + 10 mins (optional/scheduled break)+ 75 Mins QUANTITATIVE (Problem-solving + Data sufficiency) + 10 mins (optional/scheduled break)+ 75 Mins VERBAL( Critical Reasoning+ Reading Comprehension + Sentence Correction)

You have to get used to sitting continuously without moving your a#$ too much, without drinking water and without going to the loo.
Only the scheduled breaks between the sections allow you 10 minutes each.
Any unscheduled break in between results in deduction from the test time.
It is best to make best use of the optional breaks. Stretch yourself, keep breathing (silly it might sound, but don't stop breathing out of nervousness- your brain needs all the oxygen it can have)

2.For the test takers in and around Delhi who have
Pearson Professional Centers-New Delhi, India
18,Ramnath House
Yousuf Sarai Community Centre
Above Hyundai Show room
New Delhi-110016

From AIIMS / SafdarJung Hospital crossing take any bus going towards IIT-Delhi. Get down at about 2 km at Indian Oil Building at Yusuf Sarai. Take a left turn. Ramnath House is in Yusuf Sarai Community Center, above Hyundai Showroom, opposite to Jet Airways office.

What they won't tell you is that the centre is on the 4th floor of the building and you better take the elevator even if you are claustrophobic.

3.Keep your cool.
Meditate prior to the test if necessary. But please don't think about your boyfriend(s)/ girlfriend(s) during the test. Think about nothing else.

4.Full -length-tests (FLTs) give you more than just confidence to face the test on the test day. It helps you build up your system to face reality.
At the beginning, I had difficulties in concentrating, and by the end of the 3rd section I used to feel.."Baas ab khatam ho"
Such thoughts are fatal. Get yourself conditioned. Get enough practice.

5. It's about attitude. The test takers are testing your LIMITATIONS. Don't lose your nerve if the questions become increasingly difficult. It only means you are doing well. You will need to be familiar with how the Computer Adaptive Test (CAT) works to understand this. (The computer assumes you have an average score in the beginning of the test and decides the next question depending on your response- hence, you can not get back to the previous question once you have confirmed your answer)

6. Treat each question as if it were scored. Smarties know there are "experimental" questions scattered all over the test. Only fools will try to guess which ones.

7.Answer every question. Leaving questions in a section will face more penalty than getting them wrong. If you are left with very less time at the end of a section, you have to make intelligent guess and move on. Don't struggle with a question. It's not worth it.

8. Pace yourself. Here again, the only saviour is PRACTICE.

9. If you are taking the Kaplan tests, don't let the scores disappoint you. You will have an increase of 60-100 in the total on test day. Trust Jai!

Now, with the easier part of applying to B-schools over, get ready for the next step.

*** Also, have a look here

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

The day I was proven wrong

This post is dedicated to Rachna and Siddharth who have restored my faith in humanity.

It began just like any other day. I was still solving some RC questions in my dreams when I woke up in the morning. By afternoon I decided it's time I watched Dhoom-2. (We were supposed to go for it on Monday, but my phone was on silent as usual.. and after 14 missed calls my friends gave up hope of reaching me)

In the evening, we tried Chanakya first..all the shows were housefull. Then we tried Sangam, got the balcony tickets (I had forgotten they existed. Courtesy: multiplexes)

We had some time before the show began so we decided to got to Qutab Institutional Area to have my fav Chicken paranthas in the Dhaba just opposite to IIFT.

But when we returned to Sangam, I realised I had lost my wallet on our way back from IIFT and it had the movie tickets in it, a debit card, some cash.. but most importantly -pics of my family.

There was no question of watching the movie ..I wasn't in the mood anymore.
I came back home and tried to call up the Citibank Helpline number. But everytime I tried to feed in my account number the voice said the ATM account has been closed. In a while, a Citi bank officer named Bhavna called up and I reported my loss. She said that the wallet has been found and a lady named Rachna has it. She wanted to verify a few details about my date-of-birth, mailing address etc. But I got suspicious. I asked her
"How can I give u my details just like that? How do I know u r really a bank officer and not somepone trying to misuse my card?"

My cynicism was met with pleasant amusement and she asked me to call up a Citibank helpline number and talk to a officer there.
I called up and gave my details. The contact number of the lady who had found my wallet was provided to me. She had taken the pain to get the card blocked.

The rest of the story is quite simple.
I called her up, she said her husband would be heading for Noida soon and I would get my wallet back. I was curious, I asked -How did u find my wallet??
She replied a man had found it lying on the street and not without a little stricture she said that fortunately it was found by someone who was not interested in the money. I asked if there were some photographs. She replied in affirmative and said that my passport size photograph had "Elsevier" written on its back. I confirmed it is the name of my project. And she added a word of advice: You should be more careful with your belongings!
But my bewilderment was more in intensity than my gladness.

She asked me where I lived and informed that her husband would be heading for Noida soon for his office.
I reached the gentleman's office and picked my wallet in due time (not without his verifying I was the girl in the photograph first ) . I just couldn't thank him enough.

He kidded about wanting to go to the movie themselves. I said" Oh you should have! At least the tickets would have been utilized!"
But then he said they had an one-year old kid and he had to come to office anyways.

I was still feeling incredulous.
And even while I script this post I can't help but wonder what made me lose the faith I had in people. Exactly when did I begin to believe that most people suffer from autism and view the world in terms of their needs and desires?

When did I become so skeptical of human nature and I found it difficult to believe the designs of my own species?

Rachna and Siddharth, I can't thank you enough. But if you are reading this I want to you to know- you have returned me more than just my wallet.

24-hour Citiphone Lines
Noida 0120 255 2484
Delhi 95-124-254-2484

Other citibank helpline numbers

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Decode the female lingo

A friend of mine is presently the victim of "Adam-teasing" in his office. The female who is victimising him, owing to the most unfortunate device of the Devil himself , sits right behind him.
His plight, I find difficult to describe..and sometimes even more difficult to comprehend. And though he is terrified most of the times, I find the whole situation quite comical..much to the increment of his agony.
Sorry yaar! Can't help it.
Lolz..anyways, as one conversation leads to another, I discovered that no matter how different females are, they share a common vocab most of the times. So keep your dictionaries aside, and refer to this rather short word-list to know that what the girls are speaking is not Greek...but very much English.

Tweety : any fav soft toy. Typically the yellow canary in the Warner Bros- Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies series of animated cartoons. Be careful if a girl calls u Tweety..she might be hinting that she wants u as her soft toy.

Ghonchu: Any stupid guy whose gawkiness is rather cute. VERY special title. Be happy if the girl you like addresses u by that name. You need to qualify for this..oh trust me!

Stone-hearted: If she calls u this, it only means that she wants more attention from u. Now, if she's an ugly customer like that guy is facing, or rather has his back to's a pretty difficult job! (Sigh! I have my sympathies with you. May you escape unscathed )

Guy pal:
Typically the sexless, rather harmless creatures girls prefer hanging out with. Mostly for the comfort level they are eager to provide.

Boy friend: Rather confusing term and may have as many as 101 meanings and implications. Some girls mean they are simply dating him, some claim that they are romantically inclined, while others may say " He is just one step away from being ' my guy' "

My Guy: Refers to the guy she is ready to commit to or is already committed to. Even if he looks like a dry twig, don't wonder "What does this chap have that I don't???"..coz the female brain works in a mystical way..and the thought processes are very very very complex.

and finally

Any female who's interested in "My Guy" or " My Guy" is tendentious towards..hence a threat.

("Bitch" is an interesting word.. See comment box )

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Awaarapan... Banjarapan...

The sweetest melodies are those which tell us of our saddest thoughts.
There's something about this song from Jism; I always end up getting into an introspective mood .
Sometimes, when I lie awake at night and wonder- which are the instances where I had gone wrong? Something in my mind tells me - maybe this is going to take more than just one night..Lol

I guess it comes from the belief that " I am in control".
" I am in center"
I give meaning to my life.
And I , only I am responsible for my actions and their consequences.
People who believe in destiny or some cosmic device are happier, they don't end up talking to the mirror.
Waise dekha jaye to- I have nothing to complain about.I have all the comforts of an average girl, living a boring urban life.

But still, I lie awake, listening to that haunting song... and wondering...
Chuck it..who cares?

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Elephants can remember

Maybe they do.. But I believe happiness consists in having a selective memory.
They say " Honsho jotha Ombu modhhat"... just like the Swan manages to pick its food from muddy water... we should derive the essence of an event and remember only what is pleasant. You might argue - "But what about the lessons?"
I'd say..forgive those who have wronged you, but don't forget their names...

Never ...forget your lessons...though you will be pleasantly surprised to know that there are exceptions.

My theory of selective remembrance may well be equated to having your own version of truth. Yes. But you are not lying to yourself. Reality , is very relative. My perception differs from you. Your perception differs from your best friend's. But you guys have sticked together for years...haven't you?

A difference of perception -> different line of reasoning -> difference in opinion

will always exist. Some think logically. They stress upon existing facts and figures. Some depend on prior experience. Like the way my Dad predicts the outcome of an event is ..well...eerie!! He is nearly always right...experience taught him I guess.

Women are attributed to have more intuition... and sometimes they are equally correct in prophesizing a result. (Yeah Mom , I was thinking about you)

Youth is naive and they probably do what they want to..
The "want to " can be a direct consequence of peer pressure, the urge to get noticed or to remain invisible (it works either way).Could be nothing at all.. a mere absence of the knowledge that it is better to streamline your efforts to achieve desirable results.

At 23, I can hardly be categorized anywhere. I want to grow up..but I know I should learn how to .
Someone observed "You are quite wise"
I replied" Not as much as I would like to be"
But I don't have any compunction about it. By the time I am 100, and the reporters interview me to list the most memorable experiences of my life, I am sure I will have plenty to share including :
1. My visit to a Buddhist monastery nestled in the mountains.
2. Learning to play piano from someone I know.
3. Seeing my first snowfall, and catching flakes with my tongue.
4. Getting my first book published.
and of course those little things that have happened already :)
(will list later when I find time )

Monday, November 13, 2006

If you are not the one...

"Perhaps luck exists somewhere between the world of planning, the world of chance, and the peace that comes from knowing that you just cant know it all " -Little Black Book

We spend our lifetime planning for a lifetime. Life's funny that way..once you let go of the wheel, you might end up right where you belong.

I could hear him sob from the other end of the phone...
I didn't know what to say and even if I did, I knew it wouldn't make sense...not to him right now.
We humans are too short-sighted, we can't see beyond the obvious...
if we could, we would have been thankful to the Supreme Reality (some call God) for not only what we have but also for what we do NOT have...

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Changing Colors

Does it occur to you that you are not being happy ?
That you have become more irritable than you were before?
Do you feel that you have more friends than you ever had, and yet you never felt so lonely in your life?

No, I am not going to ask you to dial a helpline number.
Coz if that was the only solution, I'd have done it long back.
The reasons can be many- personal problems, pressure at workplace, expectations of your near ones to constantly live upto the image you have built for your self, the indomitable urge to excel always...

But the basic solution lies at one focal point - YOU

I believe happiness is a CHOICE, you have to CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY.
I might stand the peril of repeating myself, but this is my simple philosophy of life.
Do not only what pleases you, but also what makes you happy - truly.

ELIMINATE the factor that causes you grief and is the root cause of your emotional ill-being.
Once, someone said to me, "I don't encourage bitter experiences in my life"
I have the highest regards for that person becoz whatever I have known of him, I have found him to have a great capacity for happiness.

In the Moral Science classes at school, we were often given the instance of an empty water bottle. Father David (one of the best teachers I had) would ask us, "My dear children, if this bottle is empty, will I be able to quench my thirst?
If it doesn't have water inside, can it give water to me?
Similarly, you can't learn to love others unless you learn to love yourself first.
Because what you do not have, you can't give"

Someone pointed out that some of my posts had shades of Masochism.
I admit- pain did thrill me. Inflicting pain upon myself had a strange intoxicating effect. But after a while I is not all.
There might be 108 different shades of grey perceivable to the human eye..but there are more colors in life to add on the palette of life.

And so, I have decided to paint my variegated sky with the colors of my dreams.
I might win, I might lose. I might come back triumphant, I might not come back at all
Whatever happens, I will let you know...
till then
keep the faith

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Pyaar Ke Side Effects

This was the season's craziest love story... and I found it very real at times. Specially when the girl gets total senti in the middle of a cricket match, where India could be winning and switches the TV off to propose to her guy. Definitely, such incidents spell D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R.

It is often said that opposites attract... but can they be together too?
Flings are easy. But when it comes to "the rest of our lives", I believe, girls feel as shaky as guys to commit .

So, when you are waiting to pop the question, or thinking whether to say "YES, I DO"
it's always better to consider a few things...

# You might be as different as chalk and cheese, but do you respect each other and yourselves for whatever you are?

# No matter, how different you are professionally or u share at least some areas of interest? Coz it is very important that u have some moments to treasure that u have spent together.
You could be movie buffs and love to watch movies together. Voracious readers could lend each other your favourite books. If you are musical you could learn to play an instrument together or join the salsa classes. The more adventurous kinds could go camping out or hit the road...

# The sole reason why we want to be in a relation is, according to me, to be happier than we are when we are single..otherwise what's the point?
If love makes you miserable, it isn't love..
It is a facade.

Do u need a relationship tag just for the heck of it?
It is better to be single...Being single isn't a disease!
Look at the brighter get to spend more time with your friends. You can spend hours shopping with your gal pals, and guys can hang out with their buddies at the bowling alleys, booze the weekend out or do anything fun without having to listen to that "U-don't-love-me-anymore" story.

# They say you should get married to a person whom you love talking to..coz when u grow old, that's the only thing u will love to do.
Talking doesn't mean giving weather reports.
I personally would prefer an interesting conversationalist. Someone with versatile interests, someone I can speak to and listen to..some one with whom I can have a dialogue with.
Check the word DIALOGUE. Communication is a two-way process. Someone who intimidates you for some reason or keeps you concerned that "I might not be able to say this" is not the one for you.
Come on! You wish to spend the rest of your life with him/her..and you are shit scared to talk?
What does companionship mean then?
Get back to stone age and adapt sign language..maybe THAT will reduce conflicts !!

# Lastly, believe in your intuition. It is the beginning that brings the end. If u feel something is not right, try to analyse what it is.
coz if u think this is getting more than just kuchi-koo-ing and popcorn and soda... u need to think again..coz he/she might be the one you have waiting all your life.
Someone who gives your life a deeper meaning...

There are a very few people in this world who are loved by those whom they love. To love someone you love is a gift..treasure it...

Friday, September 22, 2006

My prank box

Today was Mohaloya, a very auspicious day for Hindu Bengalis, observed seven days before the Durga Puja, which heralds the advent of Goddess Durga, and is an invocation to the Mother Goddess to descend on earth from her heavenly abode.

I had a great time time today...

What does it look like to you?
A harmless li'l wooden box ..isn't it?

Wait, the top slids..

Whaaat the..?
What is that sticky thing that has jumped out of the box and is moving its tail!
Enough to freak anybody out... and that is why I bought it from Hallmark yesterday when I was buying gifts for a friend on her b'day.
I freaked her out by giving it to her , posing it as her gift.
The expression on her face was priceless :)

But later I gave her the actual gift :)

Great fun na!
Well it’s quite easy to build yourself..
A plywood box , pieces of wood , a little gum ,and some thread can do the trick.

Great! Now leave it on someone's desk...and have some fun
Like I had in office today :D

Thursday, September 21, 2006

The quest

Sometimes, all I want is to get a knapsack on my back and go globe-trotting..but can I leave behind all that ties me back?
My family, my friends- the ones who love me?

But,I want to get away..

Stop calling me , stop expecting from me..
Stop worshipping me like I were a flawless Goddess

I despise all company..
I despise you who swore by the moonlight that you could lay down your life for me..
I despise you who said you would kill us both if we are not destined to be together that in death we could meet..
I despise you who looks up to me like a faithful dog looks up to his master..

I despise all..
coz u take me away from me..
coz u tie me down...

I want to be myself..the only me..the eternal vagabond

Monday, September 18, 2006

I wish I were...

I wish I were a squirrel with a long, long tail...
then I might have appreciated the nuts I come across each day...

I wouldn't have to spend my days in an artificially conditioned environment wondering whether it was sunny or raining outside...

I would skip from trees to trees with my little nimble feet and shy away from all human company.
I wouldn't have to socialize, smile and greet and pretend to be happy even when I was not...

I would be in rhythm with myself and deeply connected to nature ...
I would gather and store acorns for winter in my hiding place and that would be my only treasure...

.....Oh btw, before I muse further over these absurd things I have to get back to cooking the chicken I had left to marinate.

Mom let it to slip to one of my colleagues that I CAN cook . And he has been continuously demanding to taste my culinary efforts.
But there's a difference between being able to do something, and being able to do something WELL. I believe in the latter or...nothing.
So, it has become a prestige issue now..

I have some time today and I thought I would cook and surprise him.
If he survives, I will ask him to write a testimonial for it...Lolzzz

Chicken is waiting... :P

(The recipe is provided as the 10th comment on this post..)

Sunday, September 17, 2006

14th September, 2006- another year wiser?

There is something about birthdays.
You keep wishing each one is more unique than the previous ...
whatevuh that means :D

Last year I had a rocking time with bro and most of my closest friends.
The party at Tantra, with all its elements- the ambience, the dance floor, the mocktails, the hookah... was a big hit.
After dinner, we drove down to Turquoise Cottage where I danced like crazy.
On our way back, one of the cars broke down and while we waited at 4 in the morning for the break-down truck, we danced on the road with our deck on full volume.
Even the patrolling cops giggled at the crazy kids.

Oh btw, I had even got a hunk for a gift..
Chill, not wrapped in a satin ribbon but some cousin of a close friend who was worried about my "SINGLE" status and wanted us to click.
Sadly, he was enticing only till he opened his mouth to speak...

This year it was a Thursday..a weekday=a working day
I was in office the whole day until my Boss said.."Aaj to Ghar Jao!!" and ushered me back home.
I was too tired to arrange for a party..
Called up one of my buddies from college and had a quiet dinner in a cozy li'l restaurant we used to frequent in college days.
I was exhausted and before I realised I was in my bed and had fallen fast asleep.

Now when I look back, I find myself receiving calls from my friends since 13th night..Tejil, Ani, Rai, Bijoya,Saikat, Abhi, Paro, Maduleena,Sam, name a few...
Nayeem, Meenal Ma'm, Amit Sir, Gajendra Sir, Puneet, Jojo, Syanti di, Emon di, Kuntal, Novel, Raj, Ronyda, Kutu da, Dileep, Apoorv, Ranjeet, Prasoon, Vinay, JD, Shashi, Nikhil, Saurabh, Deepak, Sangram, Abir, Moid...wished me too..
I don't think I will do justice to all so forgive me if I miss out a few names

The cutest call was probably from this sleepy voice who never remembers birthdays and starts wishing his best friend a week ahead, just in case he forgets.
He had put an alarm on his cell which apparently didn't work and he wished in the some indiscernible language,at 12:15 am, which sounded remotely like "Happy Birthday" in English.
I laughed and said "Go to sleep" and he did..lolzz

Unfortunately I had missed a few calls because I had gone to sleep early.
When I was getting out of my house to go to office in the morning, I saw a card and a basket of pink and yellow roses lying at my door.
It was addressed to "The Sweetest Heart in the World" with no reference about the sender..
Somehow, I recognized the handwriting..with those typical slants and cuts on "T".

At office, everyone was sweet and warm... a tad more than on usual days...
At lunch, I got another basket of flowers from a friend who lives far away with a honey-sweet message " A li'l bunch of flowers to fill your life with color..not that you need any, just do these flowers an honour!"

And later, I got something I had been expecting from someone I knew wouldn't forget- chocolates, a teddy, and a bunch of red roses...

It was soon time for the usual gift-rendering ceremony in office. And I was happy to unwrap those glossy papers..feeling all the while like an eager eight-year old.

If you ask me how was the day, I'll say I thought my life had all the colors until I discovered this new hue..

Oh come on!
Now don't ask me.."Yeh naya rang kaunsa hai?" :P

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

"Aur Batao" Syndrome

Is this happening to many of us…? All of us who are caught up too much with our work etc… Is there no time for personal life?

A recent forward cited the following conversation between two professionals.
P1--hey h r u???
P2--m fine!!! Wht abt u???
P1--m fine too.
P1--so howz life???
P2--aur batao? ( passing the ball to the other side)
P2--hmmm everything as usual...
P2--so wht else???
P1--nothing much
P1--aur batao? (Passing the ball to the other side)

And it goes on like this ..

It's true ..the world has grown smaller..
but somehow we seem to have grown farther apart..

It's like you might be sitting just next to a person and yet feel some light years away from each other... (like that song from Mohiner Ghoraguli.. )

Monday, September 04, 2006

Steve, we'll miss you...

Looks familiar..doesn't he?

Stephen Robert Irwin (22 February 1962 – 4 September 2006) was an Australian naturalist, wildlife expert and television personality.

Best known for the television program The Crocodile Hunter, an unconventional wildlife documentary series which he hosted with his wife Terri Irwin that was broadcast worldwide,he also owned and operated the Australia Zoo at Beerwah in Queensland with friend William Rollo and his wife.

All his life his motto seems to have been "Why put things in cages?"

His achievements are many...and the honours too numerous to mention in the confines of this post...

Irwin believed in promoting environmentalism by sharing his excitement about the natural world rather than preaching to people.
He considered himself a wild-life warrior with the mission to save the world's endangered species.He founded the Steve Irwin Conservation Foundation, which was later renamed Wildlife Warriors Worldwide, and became an independent charity.

For a guy who was given a scrub python on his sixth birthday, his love for reptiles only grew, so much so that he named his daughter "Bindi"
Alright, get ready for it: He named his DAUGHTER after a CROCODILE... not the other way around.

On 4 September 2006, Irwin was fatally pierced in the heart by a stingray barb, while diving off Queensland's Great Barrier Reef. He had been filming a segment for his daughter Bindi's upcoming television series. Irwin was in the area filming his own documentary, to be called Ocean's Deadliest, but weather had stalled filming. Irwin decided to take the opportunity to film some shallow water shots for his daughter's programme.
News reports say:
"Shortly after 11:00 a.m. local time , Irwin was filming off the shores of Low Isles, Queensland, near Port Douglas and north of Cairns, where he was stung either through his heart, or through the left side of his chest. After he was stung, emergency services were called from Cairns Rescue Base and met Croc One, Irwin’s rescue vessel at Low Isle on the Great Barrier Reef. The Croc One crew performed constant CPR during the thirty-minute dash to Low Isle.
The Queensland Rescue Helicopter responded, taking him to Cairns Base Hospital, where Irwin was pronounced dead on arrival at noon. He was not killed by the sting itself but from a puncture to the heart in turn causing cardiac arrest. The Queensland Police Service notified his family and released a statement for the media concerning his death. News of his death prompted a public outpouring expressing shock and loss."

His unabashed enthusiasm for dangerous animals and childlike energy (and specially his catchcry, "Crikey!") had dissolved all boundaries.
His friends and family often reported that he was to them as he was to the rest of the world — larger than life.
200 million viewers in over 30 countries around the ,that's enough..
a man who had won fans all over the world will be remembered for not only a life less ordinary..but for a death..which, though untimely and most unfortunate, has sent a message all across the world to redefine PASSION..

We'll Miss you, Steve.
We'll miss you..

Friday, September 01, 2006

Tomb Raider : Legend

Dad, this one is for you :)

Snapshots from TR-7, I was playing yesterday..

I told you the graphics are awesome:)

Almost 5 years after I last played Tomb Raider Chronicles I got TR-7
installed in my lappy...
and boy !!! I'm already addicted...
walkthrough and cheat codes
make the game easier, the real charm lies in exploring it all by yourself.

I still remember those days when Dad and me used to play TR through the night and Mom would wake up to find we are still playing it in the morning. At 7 am, she would usher me to sleep. I'd get up at 9 am , get ready for school...come home in the evening, finish my homework and wait for Dad come home from office to team up together and play again :)

That was much before Hollywood decided to make motion pictures Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) and Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life (2003)starring Angelina Jolie...and British actress Rhona Mitra appeared as a live action model for Lara Croft from Eidos Interactive's Tomb Raider video game series.

Lara was created by one-time Core designer Toby Gard, and grew out of a number of ideas discarded in early concepts. She appears almost invariably with short brown pants, a green top, holsters on both sides of her hip for dual wielded pistols and a small brown backpack. Over the course of the series, she has undergone minor adjustments, such as smoother facial features, reduced breast size and free moving hair...

but she continues to thrill the way she did in the salad days of my gaming.. :)

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Light and Shade

Me at Agra Fort,2006. Courtesy:Bro

This is a testimonial I recently got from an old school buddy-

"When you are all alone with ur back stuck against the dark wall of lonliness,when nothing seems right and monsters run in ur head, when life seems a never ending sea of misery and you have no shore of hope,when you are lost in a jungle and have no way to get out, when you believe death is better than life..... one moment that makes you pull urself up, the moment where you want to fight for a cause, the moment which makes u feel you are not a loser, and the moment you find that life is precious and misery is too little compared to the happiness that you've ever felt....yes... that lil moment which is far bigger and greater than your entire life....
.... is my dear " APU "

I had almost forgotten the happiness I was capable of giving myself and to others..
I can confess..I had forgotten to smile...

I had a junior named Anchal in college, who called on me just before I was about to leave after the completion of my course. She sat face to face in my hostel room and said -
"Lara* Ma'm...there is something I need to say..
You might have often wondered why I am so fiercely devoted to you.
I want to say that you had saved my life unknowingly.
One day I was very very depressed, and was contemplating suicide when I just happened to cross the canteen where I saw you laughing with your friends.
The ring of your laughter, and the smile on your face appeared so divine, so magical that I stopped for a while and wondered if this isn't what life is all about?
But what was I doing to myself?
The following day I came over to you to fetch a book..but that was just an excuse to know you better..and I haven't regretted it.
You have taught me to live...
Promise me matter what..
you will never let that smile of yours fade away...
If not for yourself, for thousands like me
who learnt to smile again after seeing you"

Needless to say, I was touched and I had promised her that day, I'd try my best.

For the past few months, my life has been one roller-coaster ride..and I am referring ONLY to my personal domain.

It has been a long chain of crests and troughs of alternate ecstasy and depression..until I reached a moment where I thought I'd go mad!!!

But there was this li'l moment which happenned..which made me feel..there was no yesterday..
And tomorrow is a vision of hope
Of wondrous joy,
Of happiness more than I thought I was capable of..

And I want to thank the person who brought it unto me

Thank you :)

(* I was nicked "Lara" by my father because I was an ace in figuring out secret passages in Tomb Raider..
and Ma'am coz our juniors had to address us as SIR or MADAM in college..)

Thursday, August 24, 2006

My favourite things

This is what Julie Andrews had to say in The Sound of Music:

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens,
brown paper packages tied up with strings,
these are a few of my favorite things.

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels,
door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles.
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings.
these are a few of my favorite things.

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes,
snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes,
silver white winters that melt into springs,
these are a few of my favorite things.

When the dog bites, when the bee stings,
when I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
and then I don't feel so bad.

My favourite things include:

1. Mom waking me up in the morning by planting kisses on my face
2. An unexpected gift, with lots of wrapping ..and the anticipation associated with it while I unwrap it :)
3. A bash in the middle of the night when my friends surprise me on my birthday
4. A cute puppy playing by the road..better still..lots of puppies :P and their wet noses when they try to bury their heads in my hands
5. A toothless grin of an infant
6. A wild flower growing by the hedge
7. A ray of sunshine through the leaves of a bough
8. Patterns made by traffic lights on the wall of my room when I have retired to bed
9. Fireflies in a field at night
10. Lying on my back on a grassy lawn and gazing at a sky full of stars
11. Waking up to the call of someone I was dreaming about
12. Being reminded of an old song I had forgotten the lyrics of
13. Call/Mail from a long lost friend
14. Giving the last exam
15. 40+ comments on any of my posts :p

The list is endless :)..Thankfully

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

The Pygmalion Effect

Pygmalion seeing his statue come to life
by Francois Le Moyne
Paris 1688-1737
French Rococo Artist

Pygmalion(Greek Mythology) : A king of Cyprus who carved and then fell in love with a statue of a woman, which Aphrodite brought to life as Galatea.

The Pygmalion effect (or Rosenthal effect) refers to situations in which students perform better than other students simply because they are expected to do so.

Wondering why am I referring to it?

Read the following write-up which recently fetched me a prize in a creativity contest in my office on the eve on Independence Day.

What does the 59th Anniversary of Indian Independence mean?
Is it just another holiday? 59 free years after 150 years of colonial rule- where do you stand?

India 2006: 1,080,264,388 people
1652 languages
25 and more regional divisions

We have so many things to divide us yet a single spirit to unite us.
Incidents like the recent blasts in Mumbai may have wounded our bodies but they couldn't jade our souls.
The legacy of a rich cultural heritage has taught us that we can conquer even without invading. We can find Indian culture, tradition and beauties diffusing into every other culture of the world and yet standing a class apart.

Facts like- 26% of NASA scientists are Indians- will make any true Indian proud.

We are like the emblematic tricolour kites that are flown on the occasion -our spirits have soared higher with every gust of contrary wind.

My vision is seeing the poet's (Tagore) dream true:

Where the head is held high
and the mind is without fear
Into that kingdom of Heaven, my Father,
my country will awake

The day the creativity contest was announced(14th August), my TM asked me -Ae tui dicchish na?
(Aren't you participating?)
unaware of the fact that everyone in the company was handed a post card.
I told her I got one and I will try and scribble something.

Something in her tone said that she had faith in me and that made me want to live up to it.
15th was a holiday and I was busy practising for the upcoming music performance on 2nd September.
16th was a terrible day when I started for office but came back from halfway coz I had a terrible stomach ache.
While the rest of the day passed in a daze,I thought to myself 17th is the last day to submit the card.
The following morning I woke up at 5 am, organized my thoughts for 10 mins and in another 3 mins' time I filled up the card.
Today when I saw all the entries on display, I thought to myself, I could have done it better..more colourful maybe...could have added a sketch...ummm
Then,I could have got the first prize maybe
Anyways, there's always a next time.

Oh btw, going back to the title of the post- I'd say...all through my life I have seen people believing in me and my capabilities even when my faith in me wavered a little.

My family, my friends, my professors,...and now in my workplace my colleagues and seniors.

Oh My Gawd! I am sounding like I just got the Oscar!
Well, until I get something tantamounting to that I can always cherish these little achievements when I topped ICSE in school or got JBNSTS scholarship or scored highest in my fav subject.

Each day has a gift to give
Small joys and great ones too
Beauty to see and songs to hear
And wonderful things to do

Enjoy each to the fullest
For they add up to nothing less
Than a life full of lovely moments
And a heart full of happiness

Friday, August 18, 2006


I have been tagged before by Shashi but never really got time to finish it.
This time around,Candid invented some real weird stuff and tagged me which I took up as a challenge.

Some of the content that follows is for 18+, parental guidance is strictly advised :P

If you were to adopt a pseodonym it would be:
Little Red Riding Hood (oh's a jungle out there alright)
If Condi Rice/ Jim Carry proposes you:
To Rice: You know honey, I really get turned on by power, but you got the wrong gender.
To Kerry : I dig a good sense of humour...but you will probably bury me in yours.

What’s you solution for conflict between Israel and Lebanon:
still trying to think something which makes some sense.
Coz this whole affair doesn't

What would you do when you find there is no toilet paper/ water in a loo :
Use the neighbor's loo

What do you do when your partner weighs 300 lbs:
Sleep on the sofa

Your recipe for a weird food. Yuck!
No way food can be that bad...except if some day I have to chew my bro's socks :p

What do you do with a schizophrenic cat?
Will never let my guy walk naked in front of her.
You never know what she might think of as a mouse..OOPS

How do you handle a wrong job?
I guess I'll simply throw it up..
Don't think I will be able to do something which I don't really enjoy

When did you have your last black out?

You catch Cupid admiring his work on you. What do you tell him?
So u finally managed to hit me with one of your

If you were to choose between Viagra and an aged partner :
Well, an aged partner..coz I would make sure he wouldn't need it

Something that you would never tell your bf / gf?
It wasn't love
(I think the only reason I will ever be with a person is because of that four- lettered word.
No I didn't mean that three-lettered word)

What’s the secret of your health?
I smile a lot

One reason why a dog is better than a man:
I could give 101 reasons.
Still..some are:
1.It doesn't mind if you pig on chocolates and stand the mortal peril of gaining weight

1. It doesn't talk about its ex like she were some demi-goddess.
1.It always wags its tail when you come home, no matter how bad a day it had
1.It doesn't have a boss to spoil your plans by calling it up for work on weekends
1. It doesn't complain if you burn the dinner.
1.It lets you sleep.
(I think I will get a pet soon)

Your message to the blogger community:
It might appear weird prima facie..but it's tag on

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Yahoo account hacked

Oh yeah some SoB is having fun while I am trying to inform my near and dear ones that my yahoo account with the id aparnakar has been hacked, and the password and the contact details have been changed (he made it sure I don't get to protect it).

And I was blissfully unaware of the fact until I got a mail on my alternate email id from yahoo

Your Yahoo! ID is: aparnakar
Your password for this account has recently been changed. You don't need to do anything, this message is simply a notification to protect the security of your account.

So, if u happen to see me online on yahoo messenger...and find me talking weirdly to you ..know it's that... $#^#$@!!@^$#@$^&$$

( Sorry Dad..I will go and wash my mouth after this)

It was simple.
I had been gullible and I am paying for it..

It was some invitation to view an album from a stranger..
It needed to log in with my yahoo id and password...

It struck me once but then I just went ahead with it..

When I logged in..nothin happened..the log in window was still there..and the bloody hacker comfortably got what he wanted.

I just want to is outrageous...
S*** has happened before like people using my photographs and opening fake accounts and then flirting around with half the world...

Those who know me wouldn't believe it, those who didn't..were happy to believe that they got a CATCH!!!

But this time,I am really ANGRY!!!

and you better be careful who dreamt up this joke...coz if I ever happen to find you,I will beat the daylights out of you...

In the meantime I'll try some damage control
and don't let this happen to you...

Aaugh!!! To top it all...when I logged on to gtalk to display the status msg:
yahoo account hacked..will use only gtalk from now on,
a window popped

kg: hi aparna
h r u
happy independence day
happy krishna astami
hi aparna
h r u
happy independence day

Aparna: read my status msg
n try to realise
i am so angry
i can kill

kg: i cant understand
its an gmail na
ur saying that yahoo a/c hacked
y r u so angry
just spend time with me
anger will goes .........
comeon take it easy....yaar
r u there
w r u doing
hey aparna..........


When did I add this moron?
What was I thinking?


Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Mirror, mirror on the wall...

I don't like talking about my work here, primarily because when I started this space I wanted it to be reflection of my personal growth. Partly facts, partly fiction- my previous posts have been a gradual evolution towards my being ME.

But there's one thing I would like to admit..
My job has taught me more than I could ever learn in my academic career.

It's not only about the scholarships I bagged or the highest marks I scored...
It is the credibility I have at my workplace that gives me a real high.

Let's begin with a simple thing..I was never a morning person.
I remember Mom trying to wake me up in winter mornings and I walking in a daze pretending to go to the loo and changing the direction completely to go my parents' room where Dad was sleeping and getting behind him to get some sleep.
It was my castle. I knew I was safe there.

As a child, I enjoyed certain priviledges owing to my Dad's social standing.
But my parents made it very clear to me that no matter how tall your grandfather was, you have to do your own growing

Recently(by that I mean yesterday) one of my colleagues and probably the best buddy I have at office, asked me what does my father do.
I saw his eyebrows raised in admiration and the usual "WOW" when he heard my reply.
I didn't react. But he certainly had something to say..
"You never told me this before.. all these months I have known you"

I said-"You never asked me"
He teased- "Whoa! I will have to be careful with you now !"

"Why? I' d rather like you to be the way you were..and does it make a difference? Have I ever shown attitude or referred to my background?"

"No...Never. In fact, everybody at office praises your attitude"

And the conversation followed some other line .

Going back to the morning thingie...

I have to log-in at 6 am since the past few days coz my TM asked me to..

The first day I woke up so early I wondered if it was really Aparna Kar..

But then I smiled and said to myself.."Yes it is"...coz she believes..nothing is's all in the state of mind...

Saturday, August 05, 2006

10 best things to do when it rains...

1. Get drenched..of course :)
Open ur arms, face towards the sky, close your eyes and let the drops fall on your face..
or better still,dance in the rain.
Get your loved one to join you if he/she is a sport
By "loved one", I meant Dad/Mom, Bro/Sis, best -friend, bf/gf, Granddad/Grandmom, Hubby/wi-fi,...
Got a lovely pet dog? Will do...:)

2. Get really dirty and play football in the mud.
Don't worry about the stains..
Surf Excel hai na :)

3. Try to sip on a cup of hot coffee/tea/hot chocolate while trying to save raindrops from falling in it...

4. Eat roasted corn by the roadside.

5. Cuddle up in the bed with your favourite book.

6. Listen to the pitter-patter on the window panes.

7. Go for a long drive after it has stopped raining, and the weather is clear and the leaves- refreshingly green...
and smell the earth...petrichor*

8. Play soft romantic numbers...
You will feel what you have never felt before- MAGIC!!

9. Write a post on rain :P

Those were my 9 "best things".
Want the 10th one to be yours :)

Saturday, July 29, 2006

My first crush

I know it's a weird topic..
especially now when my personal life has been shelved aside with a new list of priorities featuring in my life..
But I guess it's ok to indulge in idle thoughts once in a while..


No, not Christian Bale or George Clooney..
Believe it or not..the first crush I ever had was on the cartoon character Bruce Wayne.. better known for his alter-ego Batman.
He had a darker side to his character..a super hero fuelled by vengeance.

I loved him because he was perfect..
and maybe that is why I easily fell out of love..
coz in real life..people like these do not exist...

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Beyond the impasse

French : in- not + passe a passing
Literally, means...
A road or passage having no exit; a cul-de-sac,a deadlock or a stalemate.
The idea intrigues me..rather amuses me..

As a kid , I used to dig this computer game named "Claw". The story begins when the protagonist, a cat named Captain Claw- a valiant pirate, has his ship seized and sunk by the dogs. He fights tooth and nail.. but a total blackout leaves him helpless and he regains consciousness to find himself captive in a castle. Captured by his arch enemies, he must escape the prison and find the missing gems he needs for his amulet of nine lives. Every time the character finds himself in a particularly difficult situation, he says to himself "THERE'S GOT TO BE A WAY OUT"

Strange, but true..when I have faced apparent dead-ends in my life..I have often found myself saying the same....

There's got to be a way out..
There's got to be a way out...

Being the go-getter that I am, has its several disadvantages. I guess when you start taking responsibilities about things that are happening to you and around you, you tend to overdo it once in a while.
I guess it's ok...
But then you need to be a little laid back too..

Regress if necessary, be silent for a while, THINK
Take a stock of things.. and then open your eyes to look forward..

I have recently come across someone quoting that,'At one time or anothereveryone has been at the fringe of society in some way: an outcast in high school, a stranger in a foreign country, the best at something, the worst at something, the one who's different. Being an outsider is the one thing we all have in common.'

The cat fought for its nine lives..

We have but one..

And we will live it our way!

Yes, I subscribe to existentialism.
And I think it gives my life a lot more dignity to think that ONLY I am liable for it -rather than holding a bunch of celestial bodies responsible for having a certain alignment when I was born.

Consider this trifling incident: I conceived the idea to post this on 8th July.
Then I got busy with work, we had a block on blogspot by India's Department of Telecommunications (DoT) ..and yet I have managed to post it today,
23rd July :)

Beyond the impasse you see....THERE'S GOT TO BE A WAY OUT

So Long

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Dance like no one’s watching....

This isn’t only about dance, this is about everything that you held dear- an interest or a passion, but owing to lack of time, or other genuine (and not-so-genuine )constraints, have given up pursuing.

My last stage performance was on Freshers’ Night in my college when I was in 2nd year.
After that, it has only been the usual accolades at dance parties and the much talked about infatuated camera men of TV channels in college fests.
I have enthralled, I have loved and I have lived every moment of when I have danced…

Be it the confines of my hostel room, or a huge gathering.. I have been given credit for making those people dance who never stood their foot on the dance floor.

But,recently, I have been wasting my gift…

Fortunately, I have 66.8 GB space in my local disk, and I intend to utilize at least 10 GB of it to store songs. Assuming 5 MB to be the average length of one song, I can store at least (10 *1000)/ 5 = 2000 songs in my lappy.

All these boring numericals, only to prove how serious I am about shaking my leg,
(and the obvious other things)
I will be doing free -style…but God-damn-it I will do it!!

As a matter of fact, even now , while I post this, my brow is wet with perspiration..coz I have been dancing for the past one hour non-stop.

And I am feeling great. Naaah!!! AWESOME!!!!

So what are you waiting for?
Read the post na?
Now do some justice to yourself.. grab that old tennis racket, or pluck the guitar strings or simply dust your canvas and sit with your pallete
Life isn’t just to exist, it is to live.

And yeah, don’t forget the comments if this made a difference to you. :)

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

From the torn pages of my diary -I

This is an e-mail I wrote to Dad a long time ago...
I found it today while digging my mailbox (since I am down with fever and have some time to stay back at home from office)

It reminded me of a lot of things.. would love to share it with you...

Hi Dad!
Sangathan(Sports meet) is going on in not much classes are on .
I could have stayed home a little longer than usual.
But then I wud have missed OASIS at Pilani..and it was FAB!
Worth the 6 hrs bus journey from Inter State Bus Terminus (ISBT),Delhi.
The campus is so, that is not enough..beautifully calm n serene.
Students are not allowed to own bikes or cars..they can either rent or buy bicycles...this keeps the campus pollution free.

It is located in a remote area.. free of all sort of distractions. The attire n lifestyle of the students is so simple. I was sharing room with Samayitadi in Meera bhavan (with other 1200 inmates). And U wudn't believe..each building (9 blocks in meera bhavan) has only one mirror in the entrance!!
That is strange for me -for any AMITIAN or Delhiite as a matter of fact!
I had trouble with the food. And a dish of stuffed tomatoes made me doubt my own wit or the cook's..I concluded both were having expected stuffed tomatoes in the real sense of the way..the cook for having cooked it the BITSian way .

One thing that really made a dish for my eyes were the slogans on the T-shirts- these guys are really proud to be BITSians, no doubt about it. A specially popular one was- "Don't ask me who I am ..." written in the front n at the back the declaration-"...when the whole world knows I am a BITSian".

The first day on my journey to Pilani, I made friends with a guy from Hans Raj college, North campus, two girls from IP University n two guys from Arts college..till Bhiwani we were sitting seperately..then we gravitated towards each other, and soon the six of us were sitting together. We became very chirpy and were singing aloud. Specially the guy from Hans Raj had a good voice..but the conservative Hariyanwis had great trouble accepting the easy intermingling of two genders. Soon some elders complained to the conductor of our exuberance and that was an end to our having fun. If the noise was the only reason..I cud have digested it but!!! FREE MIXING!!! Ridiculous -Which century do we live in?

I got irritated when a guy of the voice of an ox (with due respect to the concerned ox) was singing a Hindi Filmi song-I think he was one of the younger chaps who had trouble with us...Thank God I was born in another part of the world-And I have parents who are far more liberal than average Indian parents .
That was the only unpleasant memory from the whole trip.
I wouldn't have believed..even after that tiresome trip..I managed to watch the whole of the dance competition.

We were a group of 8 : 4 guys n 4 gals..Ashish was a floating member. Quite a few interesting characters I got to meet. A funny chap who insisted "BHAIYA MAT KAHO NA!!"
We chatted in the lawn of Block S n the Nescafe cash counter was ringing happy.
It was not before 6 o'clock in the morning that I retired to bed.
The following day I watched FAS P(Fashion Parade). Unfotunately the costumes for Aryan College of Engineering and Khalsa college were stolen.
I couldn't help wondering if it was not a strategy of a rival team to eliminate competition.
Hans Raj really put up a good show-their theme was ZODIACS.
Then we had a JAM session.
And soon we were dancing like crazy. After a long time I enjoyed dancing in such a huge crowd.
Even discos have a very limited floorspace -dancing on grounds with a huge crowed is really crazy..especially the step that involves making human chain n synchronising.

3 other gals also joined in n another guy .. so 8+3+1=12..not a bad dozen either..
I surely got lot of compliments..but I enjoy more of trance..Punjabi numbers are not my type of leg-shaking.
The dust was getting irritating and I was the first one to bid everybody goodbye.
What a pity I cudn't stay back to play my favourite game"TRUTH OR DARE"-where u have to dare to bare everything..well in a way- good.
Coz Sam (that is whatI call Samayitadi) has strictly forbidden me to play it..seeing the things I used to do in 1st year being over spirited by the game!!!

I remembered that once when we were playing it in our campus canteen, I had passed a message to a seemingly harmless creature in a paper napkin-"Meet me at amphitheatre at 4 o'clock today -IT's URGENT" and inspite of the fact that we were playing it for quite a long time n by then everybody in the college canteen had understood we were upto no good..that guy actually came up to me and asked if it was really serious..coz he had a class to attend..
My friends laughed at him.
I felt sorry for having made him a subject of ridicule and swore not to play it again at somebody else's cost .
I opened the fold of the paper n showed him what was written inside-"SORRY-It is just a game of Truth or Dare" I really felt bad that day-and I haven't played ever since....

This..and a lot more...
Wait for the next episode of "From the torn pages of my diary"

Till Then...
Be Happy
Stay Beautiful....

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The Kerr effect

This is the Chinese character for "Love"

Many of us are familiar with the Kerr effect, which is a change in the refractive index of a material in response to an electric field.

I guess..the greatest analogy could be that of Love...
Might sound weird.. but consider this...

Romantic love is a state of perpetual ( hopefully) anaesthesia where you mistake an ordinary man /woman for a Greek God/ Goddess
Your imagination imposes virtues on that person which probably don't even exist.
Every one dreams of a perfect match..and this often leads to unrealistic expectations from the other person , making us quite ignorant about the predicament, he/she might be in...

I guess it's quite redundant to say " I LOVE YOU" 100 times a day, when you are NOT making a genuine effort to save your relation.

Coz at the end , romance survives only when you have a firm ground beneath in your feet..
and if you are not sure you can handle it, or chart out your life where two ends can meet..let it go.. is all you can do.

Time is the wisest counsellor... wait for it to say something.

And in the meanwhile make an effort to discover yourself..

Once you know yourself, the rest will fall in place...

Now, enough of gyaan -daan..
And before Radio City hires me to be the next the LOVE GURU... I will end here...

Saturday, May 27, 2006

An excerpt

"...Success to me is about Vision. It is the ability to rise above the immediacy of pain. It is about imagination. It is about sensitivity to small people. It is about building inclusion. It is about connectedness to a larger world existence. It is about personal tenacity. It is about giving back more to life than you take out of it. It is about creating extra-ordinary success with ordinary lives.

I wish you good luck and Godspeed. Go, kiss the world."

Subroto Bagchi, Chief Operating Officer, MindTree Consulting

Sunday, May 14, 2006

About me..

"Day and Night" by Escher

The best way anyone ever described me was probably when he said -
" You are like an Escher's picture...
His paintings are also like Picasso's .
They live in the beholder's mind .... offers many possibilities to the observers ....yet, none is right, none is wrong ! "

365 days of blogging.. how do you count a year?
In drops of tears?
In lengths of smile?
In racks of newspapers?
In cups of coffee?
In moments of breathlessness?
In breaths that were momentless?

365 days since I started this space..when I embarked on a journey to discover myself...

Or maybe even before that
I have been scribbling in bits of paper ever since I can remember.

And once, (in Standard I , I guess, when I had just begin to learn new words and my world suddenly held more meaning..) I had this creative surge in my Dad's official notepad and wrote a poem named KING KONG- which was about a crazy kingdom (didn't know then that a movie by the name existed- or would have had copyright issues ), and Mom decided it's time I had a diary of my own.

I have been maintaining one ever since.

There was a wall in my room totally sacrificed to the cause of my sudden fits of creativity. I called it my graffiti wall..and was probably the most favourite part of my room.
From undiscovered species of flowers to genetically engineered animals and beautiful and not-so-beautiful figures of had everything. Clouds, sky, sun,mountains, trees, birds, butterflies...

But most of all, it had my name written in different fonts.

I had this idea from Robinson Crusoe that I will keep a track of days by marking it on a pillar. So, on a particular date of the year I religiously marked how tall I had grown .

22 years have passed since I have been acknowledged to exist.

The first cry that my Mom heard when I was born, the joy my Dad had when he held me in his arms for the first time ..all my friends and well wishers who have loved for my smile, my love for life, my craziness or absolute stupidity at times.

I want to thank each one of them for helping me evolve to be the person I am today.
Coz had I been given a choice- I wouldn't have wanted to be anyone else ..other than Aparna Kar.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Life's greatest gifts..

I don't like commercializing emotions..and there are very few people in this world for whom I have brought gifts..and only because they have been really special
It's Mothers' Day on 14th ( 2nd Sunday of May)..And I decided to give Mom something other than my usual gift of perfumes (they are her favourites)
I always wanted to give her one of those coffee mugs ....
I know she has plenty of them already..but I wanted to give her one myself with "MOM" written on it..
Nothing much..but something to remind her of me..everyday..

I like personalising gifts , even if they are bought from the nearest Archies/Hallmark outlet...

So, I scribbled crazy messages inside the card.. and put on three different shades of lipsticks and left my marks on a white page ( I always try to find a card which has a white page to write my messages-if I can't make myself one...)

Now let me tell about a few of the best gifts I have got myself...

#1 is of course, the book "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" by Dad.

Not only because it has remained my favourite for years now...but the way he presented it..was awesome..

Dad was supposed to go to Mussourie for some days for a conference ..and he asked me what would I want when he's back..I asked for a dry maple leaf if he could get me one...

He couldn't get a maple leaf..but he pasted a beautiful dry leaf on the first page of the book he had bought for me there..and typed a message in a font so similar to the one used inside that I almost was bought that way...

There is this story"The Gift of the Magi" ( pronounce: Maj-eye) by O.Henry..where a lovely young couple sacrifice their most valuable possesions, to be able to afford Christmas gifts for the other...
The girl sells her beautiful long hair to a wig maker, to buy a platinum chain for a gold watch the boy inherited from his dead father. The boy sells his watch to buy, pure tortoise shell hair combs with jewelled rims to adorn her tresses.

True... real gifts are those which no one can duplicate....

Monday, May 08, 2006


Bro is leaving tonight.
But I don't think I'll go to the airport to see him off.
I don't like saying bad at them...

Today is the last day I'll be seeing him at home after office
It is feeling strange.
A certain emptiness has crept in.

And a pang of guilt.
In recent months I have been so involved with myself..I don't think I have given the best I could ...

When I wonder what is it that is choking me from inside..what is it that is making me so uncomfortable... other than the evident feeling that the shoulder I could lean on and cry everytime I needed to..and everytime I didn't -will be miles away from me.

I will remember everything about him so fondly...

His inventing lyrics while singing Hindi film songs and if I pointed it out , his reasoning with me.."It's Remix Sis!!"
His literally pulling my legs if I talked to someone for more than 10 mins over the phone...asking me to hang up and talk to him instead.

His guarding me like I were the most precious jewel on earth...

His strange ways of showing that he cared.

Sharing that last ice cream cone in summer...
Watching crappy movies with friends..and laughing for having wasted time and money.

His explaining Quantitative Aptitude taking his vocab tests before his GRE

I know these days are never gonna be back..

Saturday, May 06, 2006

My greatest asset...

Ok here it is..
It is about a "he"
Biological age 26 years.
Mental age...sometimes 8..sometimes 5...
Goes by the name Anirban Kar...and I call him- Bro

Last Friday, he gave a long pending treat to our friends
When he got his GRE score, he said.."Let me get a good TOEFL score"
Then it was "CMU admit"
Then "Let me clear the Visa interview"
And then"Now I have to leave station to give a lecture on MISM in my college"

LOL....Finally when it was time for him to leave for Pittsburgh..(actually just 3 more days to go...)-one of my friends threatened.."Dada!!! Treat na diley bhalo hobey na kintu!!! (Won't b e good for u if u don't treat us)

It was initially agreed to be a quiet dinner at Geoffrey's
But then we (6 of our closest friends) got in a mood to shake a leg so we decided to go to a near-by pub

Around closing time I dedicated two songs to him and while I was making the announcement about how wonderful a brother he has been through all these years...taking my tantrums.. giving me a shoulder during the worst phase of my life..I could feel a lump in my throat .
I asked him to dance with me with the rest of the crowd in the house cheering for us... just the two of us on the floor

At the end I got one of "those" ideas..and I made him stand on a chair and dance in the middle of the dance floor.
My excuse-" I won't be with you on your birthday next let's celebrate now"

That is Anirban Kar for you..but for me- he's simply the world's greatest bro.

As a child, he had this habit to sing -"Phoolon ka taaron ka sabka kehna hai..ek hazaar mein meri behna hai" and throw flower petals on me.. (sometime hibiscus petals in absence of rose:D )

But I used to retort "Only in ek hazaar:( "
And he would correct himself..ek lakh, arab..kharab..
Both of us didn't know counting more than I was happy and used to giggle for being valued such.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Generation Karma Cola

There is this Allen Solly model lying in front of me
( a magazine page I mean)
But he doesn’t really titillate my imagination.
Clad in a red Salsa shirt and white trousers , he is also wearing a smile you put on when you know the whole world is watching you and thinking “Wow!! Gorgeous!!”

But that’s that. My attention turns to the contents’ page .The cover story is at page 34, on the pressures and pleasures of young workaholics.

Just two pages away, is an Allen Solly inner wear ad with an interesting tagline. "Solly Inside. Wear one and be yourself" Solly is known for it’s work clothes. I wonder if the guy in his bare necessities is actually posing in his office loo.

I try to navigate to page 34..and see “muscular arches that gives an edge of distinction” Aah!!
We are talking about a Toyota Camry. Beyond beauty there’s bliss.

Now you know, which one of the three I would like to own if given a choice…..

Oh! Btw, time to get back to reading articles.

Ads always distract it does everyone else.
But for a different reason altogether.
Some day I will be penning down my own taglines…


Sunday, April 23, 2006

~Nothing Else Matters~

People have often asked me what does my present status message mean...
And I say "~Nothing Else Matters~ as in nothing else matters more than my CHOOSING to be happy"

I know it hurts..
u know it hurts ..
when your convictions fall apart..
when your beliefs turn to mere fallacy
and one day you wake up to find someone you thought u knew only a stranger...

No, this is not a reiteration of a post I had scripted a few days back...and then deleted it..

It's a new page...written in a completely different frame of mind...

Nearly all of us know- how painful it is to realise that something u thought could last for an eternity is actually so short lived...

U make efforts to cling to it maybe..

U try to change urself...thinking u r at fault..

But then it gets exhaustive..
U want to be urself..
U want to be happy...

U blame urself..a lot of other factors...
Completely non-existent elements..sometimes..

But at the end..u r still clueless....

Then u realise.. bit by bit..what will be..will be...

And the truism"Whatever happens..happens for good..." assumes more meaning than u ever acknowldeged before..

All those souls out there..who are searching for happiness just like me..
Let me tell u something today..what u have known all along..but might have forgotten for a while..

No one can give u the happiness u want..except YOURSELF

True.."There's a treasure everywhere"..but more than anywhere our hearts...

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Win some, lose some

So much to write..and so little time now:(
Now that I have already started working 10 hrs a day..I think I will set targets for my blogging too..

I would like to write about:
#1 My favourite book
#2 My greatest asset

Coming soon..on a computer screen(or a mobile screen..if u have GPRS activated) near u... :D

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Dilli ki garmi...


The happy days are gone..
Silopher Kabir might dance to the tunes of "Dilli ki saardi"and awe an audience with her moves on a winter night in Mumbai..or Dubai..(or even Jhumri talaiya for all I care)

I want her to try that out on a hot sunny day in Delhi..and the alternate form of it...
She will see all love sublimate in the heat..

Suddenly all ACs in GK M-Block Market conspire to stop being effective... it's an added onus to go shopping..even when u know it's a grave situation... your best friend is going to meet his parents..and she can't decide what to wear...

After hours of R&D and giggling fits and depressions in the trial rooms and otherwise decide unanimously what she can/might/will (dunno yet) wear...'s so nice to see someone smile...

Coming back to the @#$%*&!! heat ( my vocab falls short)

U wonder why there isn't even a small little cloud in the sky... when it is raining cats and dogs somewhere India

It's like that poem...where the poet asks if u could lend a piece of cloud from Cherrapunji to the heart of Gobi and Sahara desert...

(refer: Premendra Mitra:
"Cherrapunji theke ek tukro meghh dhaar ditey paro ..Gobi Saharar bukey?" )

I have always seen life in extremes...
Ecstasy or Despair
Extreme popularity or gnawing solitude...

I guess I always believed in the duality of existence...

But then- everything isn't just black or white...there is a certain shade called grey..there something called fuzzy logic..

And life is so much more than what is apparent.
We , as human beings are so short sighted..that we can't see beyond the obvious...

There I go all gyaan..enough to make a patient of Insomnia yawn in 10 secs (quite an achievement! )

But this is my curse..this is my boon...

I think tooooooooo much..

And while I saw that street urchin...playing with a rope his mom uses to dry clothes...his sitting on it and using it as a swing while the dirty clothes dangled and kissed the dusty road..
He was blissfully unaware of what tomorrow might hold for him..

Least bothered if he should take CAT next year coz the way things are going is hardly encouraging for a general candidate..or he should gather work- ex before he can take GMAT...

I wondered what it takes to be happy...

But for the time being...I am happy venting my frustration on the summer heat...


Friday, April 14, 2006

A new page in my diary...

It has been some time since I last scribbled in this space...
As a matter of fact, I had even considered giving up blogging for good..

But old habits die hard..and thank God for that!

Well... a few things have changed during this short while..and a few things haven't...
I landed myself with a job when I was least expecting it...(there were people with Masters in Mass Comm with 5 years of experience- and I am only a fresher with a graduate degree in Biotech)

I guess the subjective paper where I had to write an essay got me through..
But let me get back to my new work basically consists of indexing and abstracting text...the work is interesting, with the icing on the cake that I get to read some research papers which are totally awesome...

Life is more disciplined now.I try to sleep before 2 AM..coz my log in time is 9:30 AM...

I am yet to decide if I want to apply to my old school for my MBA degree coz I couldn't convert the calls I wanted to..and didn't fill the forms of a few outstation B-schools( Stupid? Yeah I know...but I have no regrets in life..)

The day inevitably begins with my trying to hold on to my pillow a little longer..
I never hated my cell so much before..I put the alarm the previous night and I repent it every following morning

A hurried bath( no time for the usual 1-hr long ablutions in the morning)..a quick breakfast and I am on my way to office with my eyes half closed and face still puffy...
I manage to register at 9:28 AM and by the time I take my seat in front of my system I wonder if I am still dreaming or actually at office..but when I open my batch files and see the work that has been allocated to me I realise..aaah am a grown up lady now.. and this is reality

Rest of the day is pure bliss....

When it is is work..with nothing else in my mind..

Except for the occasional distraction from a funny colleague who has a habit of making faces at everyone..
He is a real chatterbox and gives me a headache except at lunch time when his mouth is full.

There is a surprisingly quiet lady in my project( polarly opposite to what he is) and I can count and say the number of times I actually heard her voice..everytime only to reply when I had asked her something..

There is a typical mechanical guy ( I nicked him "Bullet" for his efficiency) who works like a maniac and takes more sutta breaks than anyone else on the floor..

I am the youngest in my project and I don't know if it works against or for me..

One thing I was totally ecstasic about yesterday ..I got to abstract a file for the first time and it was live!
Let me's my training period and I am supposed to get dummy ones are those which go to the client..
A senior guy observed "I haven't got one come u got them?..U must have been really good at it in the test!"

I smiled and come someone who's as good at abstracting texts is equally poor in getting the essence of life..

I guess everyone else played by the rules of the game..Only I made assumptions..

But then..there are no regrets in life..only lessons...

An update ( 23rd April.2006)

Got a new project beginning from tomorrow..and I am really excited about it..
It's tougher than what we have been doing till now..with a much more expanded thesaurus and complicated system tools..
Four people have been selected for it...
(needless to mention..I am the only trainee in it)

I am loving it...

The pressure is immense..
But I am getting paid for what I love doing best..reading and comphrehending...

I had no idea office could be so much fun!!
The TM is really helpful ..and the ambience conducive for work..

and yeah..there was this incident when for the second time some female walked up to my desk and asked how I maintain my coiffure..
Had to give her a long list to of "to do"

-Use L'oreal Absolute repair shampoo and conditioner..
-Alternate it with Ultra Doux Olive oil and lemon shampoo + conditioner..
-Get a head massage done at least once a week
-and use a serum if u have straight hair..for extra sheen


Hope I didn't scare her.. :D

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Life is..

Life is like a cartoon network..more like a TOM n JERRY show..u r the stupid Tom chasing happiness(Jerry)..and everytime u think u have got eludes u..

(For heaven's sake..this isn't a quote!! It's my own realisation..n don't u dare plagiarise it..copyrights reserved by Aparna Kar :X)

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

A Stranger in the town

How does it feel to be in a place you have been years ago?
It's like meeting an acquaintance u knew long's like..u have to re-introduce urself to that person/place again...
Sense the sights, smell, a new way...
It's like adjusting urself to a place u called home years ago

An hour's drive in the early morning of 9th March from Dum Dum airport to Pretoria street gave me an eerie feeling..

The smell was so unfamiliar..the humidity so foreign that I had to ask myself.....Did I really ever belong to this place?
Born a Bengali,brought up in North East ..and having spent my growing years in Delhi & NCR..I often wondered...Where's my home?

To that ..once my Dad had replied..."The whole world is your abode...where u can make ur home..that's where u belong to..."

Monday, March 06, 2006

Beating the blues...

Life sucks when u wait the whole day to meet someone - and he says he can't make it..coz he has other commitments...

After a series of emotional crests and troughs u decide u had enough ..when ur Dad enacts how u were shown dancing on the TV (Aaj Tak Video footage of Kritva-IMI(International Management Institute) fest)

Ur Bro drags u for an outing..
U go to Shoppers' Stop and make good use of ur membership card and bad use of ur Dad's hard earned money..
But fortunately retail therapy always works..
Suddenly ur Debit/Credit card refuses to get processed..and u wonder aloud.."How wrong can a day go???..One single day?"

And then the guy at the counter asks u how/where u got ur nail art done..u explain to him..
IMPULSE..GK M-Block Market..n u feel the day isn't so bad...after all

and then u see a baby gal in a pink frock
and an infant in his peram..
and a li'l old lady thanks u coz u helped open a door for her..
and a T-shirt with the slogan
"Life becomes a lot more interesting when u make MISTAKES"
And u smile to urself...

What the F***!!
I don't need anyone else to be happiness is an independent variable.
An intrinsic comes from within...

I wonder, how can someone who is as practial and mature most of the times
(at least most of my friends think so..otherwise I wouldn't have to play an agony aunt ...a thankless job anyways..) can make a complete jack ass of myself on certain occasions...!!!???

Maybe...I need to stop watching those stupid romantic comedies
(What the hell I watched Serendipity on Zee studio today!! And wept..Shit! Shittt!! SHITTT!!!)