~Nothing Else Matters~

People have often asked me what does my present status message mean...
And I say "~Nothing Else Matters~ as in nothing else matters more than my CHOOSING to be happy"

I know it hurts..
u know it hurts ..
when your convictions fall apart..
when your beliefs turn to mere fallacy
and one day you wake up to find someone you thought u knew ..is only a stranger...

No, this is not a reiteration of a post I had scripted a few days back...and then deleted it..

It's a new page...written in a completely different frame of mind...

Nearly all of us know- how painful it is to realise that something u thought could last for an eternity is actually so short lived...

U make efforts to cling to it maybe..

U try to change urself...thinking u r at fault..

But then it gets exhaustive..
U want to be urself..
U want to live..to breath..to be happy...

U blame urself..a lot of other factors...
Completely non-existent elements..sometimes..

But at the end..u r still clueless....

Then u realise.. bit by bit..what will be..will be...

And the truism"Whatever happens..happens for good..." assumes more meaning than u ever acknowldeged before..

All those souls out there..who are searching for happiness just like me..
Let me tell u something today..what u have known all along..but might have forgotten for a while..

No one can give u the happiness u want..except YOURSELF

True.."There's a treasure everywhere"..but more than anywhere else...in our hearts...

Win some, lose some

So much to write..and so little time now:(
Now that I have already started working 10 hrs a day..I think I will set targets for my blogging too..

I would like to write about:
#1 My favourite book
#2 My greatest asset

Coming soon..on a computer screen(or a mobile screen..if u have GPRS activated) near u... :D

Dilli ki garmi...

Aaaaaaaaaaghh!!

The happy days are gone..
Silopher Kabir might dance to the tunes of "Dilli ki saardi"and awe an audience with her moves on a winter night in Mumbai..or Dubai..(or even Jhumri talaiya for all I care)

I want her to try that out on a hot sunny day in Delhi..and the alternate form of it...
She will see all love sublimate in the heat..

Suddenly all ACs in GK M-Block Market conspire to stop being effective... it's an added onus to go shopping..even when u know it's a grave situation... your best friend is going to meet his parents..and she can't decide what to wear...

After hours of R&D and giggling fits and depressions in the trial rooms and otherwise ..you decide unanimously what she can/might/will (dunno yet) wear...

Aah..it's so nice to see someone smile...

Coming back to the @#$%*&!! heat ( my vocab falls short)

U wonder why there isn't even a small little cloud in the sky... when it is raining cats and dogs somewhere ..in India

It's like that poem...where the poet asks if u could lend a piece of cloud from Cherrapunji to the heart of Gobi and Sahara desert...

(refer: Premendra Mitra:
"Cherrapunji theke ek tukro meghh dhaar ditey paro ..Gobi Saharar bukey?" )


I have always seen life in extremes...
Ecstasy or Despair
Extreme popularity or gnawing solitude...

I guess I always believed in the duality of existence...

But then- everything isn't just black or white...there is a certain shade called grey..there something called fuzzy logic..

And life is so much more than what is apparent.
We , as human beings are so short sighted..that we can't see beyond the obvious...

There I go again...giving all gyaan..enough to make a patient of Insomnia yawn in 10 secs (quite an achievement! )

But this is my curse..this is my boon...

I think tooooooooo much..

And while I saw that street urchin...playing with a rope his mom uses to dry clothes...his sitting on it and using it as a swing while the dirty clothes dangled and kissed the dusty road..
He was blissfully unaware of what tomorrow might hold for him..

Least bothered if he should take CAT next year coz the way things are going is hardly encouraging for a general candidate..or he should gather work- ex before he can take GMAT...

I wondered what it takes to be happy...

But for the time being...I am happy venting my frustration on the summer heat...

@#$%&*!?!*&%$#@

A new page in my diary...

It has been some time since I last scribbled in this space...
As a matter of fact, I had even considered giving up blogging for good..

But old habits die hard..and thank God for that!

Well... a few things have changed during this short while..and a few things haven't...
I landed myself with a job when I was least expecting it...(there were people with Masters in Mass Comm with 5 years of experience- and I am only a fresher with a graduate degree in Biotech)

I guess the subjective paper where I had to write an essay got me through..
But let me get back to my new office...my work basically consists of indexing and abstracting text...the work is interesting, with the icing on the cake that I get to read some research papers which are totally awesome...

Life is more disciplined now.I try to sleep before 2 AM..coz my log in time is 9:30 AM...

I am yet to decide if I want to apply to my old school for my MBA degree coz I couldn't convert the calls I wanted to..and didn't fill the forms of a few outstation B-schools( Stupid? Yeah I know...but I have no regrets in life..)

The day inevitably begins with my trying to hold on to my pillow a little longer..
I never hated my cell so much before..I put the alarm the previous night and I repent it every following morning

A hurried bath( no time for the usual 1-hr long ablutions in the morning)..a quick breakfast and I am on my way to office with my eyes half closed and face still puffy...
I manage to register at 9:28 AM and by the time I take my seat in front of my system I wonder if I am still dreaming or actually at office..but when I open my batch files and see the work that has been allocated to me I realise..aaah ..no..I am a grown up lady now.. and this is reality

Rest of the day is pure bliss....

When it is work..it is work..with nothing else in my mind..

Except for the occasional distraction from a funny colleague who has a habit of making faces at everyone..
He is a real chatterbox and gives me a headache except at lunch time when his mouth is full.

There is a surprisingly quiet lady in my project( polarly opposite to what he is) and I can count and say the number of times I actually heard her voice..everytime only to reply when I had asked her something..

There is a typical mechanical guy ( I nicked him "Bullet" for his efficiency) who works like a maniac and takes more sutta breaks than anyone else on the floor..

I am the youngest in my project and I don't know if it works against or for me..

One thing I was totally ecstasic about yesterday ..I got to abstract a file for the first time and it was live!
Let me explain..it's my training period and I am supposed to get dummy files..live ones are those which go to the client..
A senior guy observed "I haven't got one yet...how come u got them?..U must have been really good at it in the test!"

I smiled and thought..how come someone who's as good at abstracting texts is equally poor in getting the essence of life..

I guess everyone else played by the rules of the game..Only I made assumptions..

But then..there are no regrets in life..only lessons...
:)

P.S
An update ( 23rd April.2006)

Got a new project beginning from tomorrow..and I am really excited about it..
It's tougher than what we have been doing till now..with a much more expanded thesaurus and complicated system tools..
Four people have been selected for it...
(needless to mention..I am the only trainee in it)

I am loving it...

The pressure is immense..
But I am getting paid for what I love doing best..reading and comphrehending...
Aah..!!

I had no idea office could be so much fun!!
The TM is really helpful ..and the ambience conducive for work..

and yeah..there was this incident when for the second time some female walked up to my desk and asked how I maintain my coiffure..
Had to give her a long list to of "to do"

-Use L'oreal Absolute repair shampoo and conditioner..
-Alternate it with Ultra Doux Olive oil and lemon shampoo + conditioner..
-Get a head massage done at least once a week
-and use a serum if u have straight hair..for extra sheen

LOL..

Hope I didn't scare her.. :D

Life is..

Life is like a cartoon network..more like a TOM n JERRY show..u r the stupid Tom chasing happiness(Jerry)..and everytime u think u have got it..it eludes u..

(For heaven's sake..this isn't a quote!! It's my own realisation..n don't u dare plagiarise it..copyrights reserved by Aparna Kar :X)