On dating and keeping the spark alive

SG told me about when his friends from IIT KGP would travel to Kolkata to meet girls in person who appeared attractive online in their pictures. Later, they discovered that they had been catfished by someone who was not as attractive as the pictures or was someone else entirely. The guys lamented later that the trip or the date was not worth it.

I can understand minor photo edits but putting up the pictures of an entirely different person? That takes balls. How would you explain the change in appearance? And how would you expect to find someone who loves you for who you are if you are afraid to be yourself?

Dating is challenging whether you are a trans or a cis woman. I didn’t have to look for love online because I was constantly approached by someone I knew, and the relationship eventually turned into more than friendship. I can not imagine the humiliation of rejection by someone you think you will be great with, but that person doesn’t feel the same.

This has kept me from approaching the only person I ever liked. In the end, he came up with a proposal, but it was too late. I had said ‘yes’ to SG by then. Later, I discovered that it was for the best. The guy I liked was a coward and a Grade-A liar. 

We must thank our stars for not always granting our wishes. We don’t know what is the best for us. We think we do, but we really don’t.

It is also strange how people who chase us through their lives find us so ordinary once they have won us over. Or take us for granted because now we belong to them in an exclusive bond that is not meant to be broken. I think we should always make an effort to chase/woo our partner/spouse, no matter how long we have been together. Because a relationship gets stale when the chase ends.

If nothing else motivates us, we should remember when we wished they were in our arms. A long-distance relationship made me crave a mere touch, some gesture of affection IRL. Video calls and phone calls can’t take care of that aspect of proximity. The closeness with another human being that makes us feel whole after a long and tired day at work.

Test yourself: Imagine your life without the person you take for granted. How will it affect your well-being? Your happiness? Your quality of life? If you are fair in your reasoning, you will see the answer. That honest truth is worth holding onto for the rest of your life.

Relationships transform. They don’t remain the same over time. Our priorities change. Career, kids, money. But as long as you know that the person loves you sincerely and that sincerity is not commonplace, you will be willing to do much more to keep the spark alive. And a lot less that might extinguish it completely.