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Sunday, February 04, 2007

What's your take?

This post was triggered by a mock interview and the question :"Quick comments on love, specially when we have Valentine's Day coming,10 days from now. "
I think it was rather disappointing when I told him " I don't believe in romantic love anymore. It is just a matter of convenience"

Let me elaborate.
The one is an over hyped concept. Nothing like that exists. That's my take. We are all trying to invent reasons to make our lives more meaningful... more purposeful..
In the end.. it's just a delusion. Or as one of my wise friends puts it " Just a decision". Yeah..maybe...a decision triggered by the thought processes in a particular time frame. At another place, another time your decision could be different. Parallel universe, multiple histories- call it whatever you may.. but think of it- what if "the one" for you never met you!!
There are so many billion people out there..what's the probability that you met the right one?
"And yet we decide on one"
Because we assign the importance to a person or an event. Itself it means nothing. And our view of "importance" is so absurdly myopic, born out of our need to make choices for survival.

Think of your existence compared to the vastness of the ever-expanding universe.
Try to imagine how scant , how important you are. And how ridiculous it is to find meaning in the modern desk jobs, material achievements, accolades etcetera etcetera.
Don't you see the inanity of your over indulgence in the accumulation of a few molecules which you call yourself- Aparna, Bryan or Zhang ?

And yet, we try to find meaning to our existence, which spans only across a blink of the universe. And we "believe" we will leave behind us a legacy - a pool of genes that will fight for its survival till Doomsday. By then they might have evolved or mutated to becomes chimps or some creature hitherto unknown to human history. But who cares? We know our days are numbered. And maybe that is why we try to give some meaning to it, feel alive, feel content.


rohit said...

a. Thanks!
b. Thanks!!!
c. I am looking forward to your next post
d. I am looking forward to a signed copy of your book
e. Don't you think you were not focussed on the topic? As in, whatever you have written makes sense, but, its kinda far away from the topic. That's my take.

Candid Confessions said...

From love to seeking the meaning of life! Variegated indeed!
I totally agree with u that there is no such "the one ". People who talk to me about "The one" in their lives are the ones who have lost "The one" to the world spunning around and blamed themselves and others for the same and then are left with no courage to accept what good comes later!

Aparna Kar said...

@rohit, candid confessions
That's the trouble with me. I try to knit in apparently unrelated topics and the result is kinda weird prima facie
But look at it as I do. Why was the concept of "love" invented?
Why couldn't Homo sapiens merely stick to procreation and select mates on the basis of nature's extravagances - like the peacock's tail or the lion's mane?

I don't profess the superiority of humankind but things are definitely a bit more complicated.

People do marry social, psychological, financial or clinical invalids and they seem to be quite content with it.
What is it that drives their choices?
The apparent sacrifice seems to be the fruition of some other criteria which define their happiness. There seems to "love" involved.
I'm contradicting myself here and may give the very ground of existence of the concept I don't happen to believe in.
But there again- I don't believe its existence in the real domain. It 's all in the state of mind. And since it is engendered so, you can bring yourself to love or not love any person you choose to.
There is no reason to feel helpless if a system of happiness fails. Because we create our own happiness. It's not a function of external factors. It can never be.

After all- what is happiness? Or even ecstasy? Biochemically, nothing more than the presence or absence of a few chemicals .

It is then possible to , theoretically at least, program yourself to believe in anything you want to and guide your reactions.
What that would be will depend on your mental constitution and some immediate/ long-term necessity.

For example, a person who is well aware of his/ her tempestuous temper would prefer to be with someone who is more mature and stable. So there are lesser conflicts involved and more time available to pursue other pleasures.

Here the acceptance of a shortcoming would be the determinant of preferring someone over the other.

On the other hand, someone who is mendicant would want to be with someone who is financially well placed.

So, we all are seeking to make ourselves a little more complete by trying to find our complements.

saikat said...

appu: after reading this can only say one thing, keep writing!!!!!

i always beleive you are a terrific and intelligent writer but then on whatever platform of literary hiearchy i place u..u alsways prove me wrong and climb onto the next step of greatness

just keep writing...would one day like to co-author something with you..n knowing us wont be surprised..if the title reads...'spreading more chaos in chaos' or maybe 'insanely insane' kinda :D

tc..keep smiliN

Aparna Kar said...

I've a broad grin on my face right now. Wish all my critics were as generous as u r :D
It's more of a mutual admiration society.
For u, I'd like to highlight something again.
..we assign the importance to a person or an event. Itself it means nothing.

I hope u get the cue :)
Love always

P.S "our" book will be one crazy story that will make insanity a cult :))

pdey said...

My take? ... i am 'the one' the one i am looking for :)... wish i were a self-erotic to complete the

... your take is pragmatic and i indeed sense the insignificance of our existence, at least looking from a cosmic scale.. well said.

Now hold and think... earth is 'the one' planet known so far that sustains a miraculous balance of matters to form life... probabilistically insignificant... human minds are 'the unique thing' that can reflect onto itself and hence of infinite depth... i somehow cannot convince myself 'fully' on that 'theory of chances'. 'The One' may very much exist. You ask my take?... i can tell 'the one' from a billion billions when i truly seek.

saikat said...

@ appu: ya got the cue...need to talk..have got loads of insanity to share :D

@ anon: i would have rather allowed appu to reply but then cant resist just one line...'if u have the guts that even a baby ur name sure she will keep the post, but da even superman has a from next time, when u pour out shit kindly brand em..hope u got it!!'

@ appu: sorry couldn't resist it :)

Aparna Kar said...

U r always a buddy :)
About anonymous. Lol. To what extent will ppl go to get a little spice in their lives or a vent a little frustration or get even about a personal grudge.
That too the mighty crusader is safely pinned under anonymousness.
Or that is what he thinks.
Doesn't know about the many advantages of having a sitemeter I believe. So much for being omniscient :)

mahant said...

Aparna, Nature works in such an efficient manner. If it were to manufacture any species that lasted for ever, it would have to deal with wear and tear. Next solution while keeping net population reasonable constant is cycle of decay and rebirth. We are all pawns playing nature's game. Love is the bribe to keep human race going. Such glum analysis takes out all the fun of life, it is better not to ask such questions and just enjoy what one feels, eat what one likes - both instincts.

Aparna Kar said...

Love is the bribe to keep human race going.
I liked tht line..

And no analysis could take away the charm of being alive or falling in love. The magic will always remain. It's like a conjurer explaining that there's science behind a trick and yet you won't miss out going to the show.. would you?

mahant said...

If you google "It is a wonderful life", there is a wikipedia entry. In it you see:
Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow.

Analysis of life is such as well. It is worth keeping the secret of Santa Claus alive, so those who can, can enjoy LOVE wide-eyed, let only Cognoscenti suffer their knowledge.

Aparna Kar said...

Love is 50 percent chemical and 50 percent emotional says Michael Holick, MED chief of endocrinology, metabolism, and nutrition.
Read here

mahant said...

Aparna, Today's (Feb 15,2007) CNN has an interesting article "Love -is it all in your head?", nice research separating love, sex and rejection.

Aparna Kar said...

Interesting article. Thanks for the link.
I am a great fan of Dr. Helen Fisher. She is definitely one of the most distinguished anthropologists of our times.
Fwd some more of her articles if you come across them.

Aparna Kar said...

One of my fav songs:
tere bin / besides you
sanu sohnia / my love
koi hor nahio labhna / i shan't find another
jo dave / who'll give
ruh nu sakun / peace to my soul
chukke jo nakhra mera / and indulge me
ve main sare ghumm ke vekhia / i have gone and seen it all
amrika , roos, malaysia / america, russia, malaysiana
kittey vi koi fark si / there wasn't any difference
har kise di koi shart si / they all had some condition
koi mangda mera si sama / some asked for my time
koi hunda surat te fida / some were fascinated with my face
koi mangda meri si vafa / some demanded my fidelity
na koi mangda merian bala / none wanted my demons
tere bin / besides you
hor na kise / no one else
mangni merian bala / wanted my demons
tere bin / besides you
hor na kise / no one else
karni dhup vich chhan / shall shade me in the sun
jiven rukia / (the) way you paused
si tun zara / slightly
nahion bhulna / i shan't forget
main sari umar / all my life
jiven akhia si akhan chura / you said, looking away
"rovenga sanu yad kar" / "you shall weep in my memory"
hasia si main hasa ajeeb / i laughed a strange laugh
(par) tu nahi si hasia / but you didn't
dil vich tera jo raaz si / you had a secret in your heart
mainu tu kyon ni dasia / why didn't you tell me
tere bin / besides you
sanu eh raz / none shall tell this
kise hor nahion dasna / secret to me
tere bin / besides you
peerh da ilaaj / what druid
kis vaid kolon labhna / has the cure to my ills
milia si ajj mainu / i found today
tera ik patra / a note of yours
likhia si jis 'te / on which you had scribbeled
tun shayr varey shah da / a varis shah couplet
park ke si osnu / upon reading which
hanjnu ik duliya / a teardrop fell
akhan 'ch band si / what was locked in the eye
seh raaz ajj khulia / was revealed today
ki tere bin / that other than you
eh mere hanjnu / these tears of mine
kise hor / won't be kissed by
nahio chumna / none else
ki tere bin / that other than you
eh mere hanjhu / these tears of mine
mitti vich rulnha / will wither in the dust

mahant said...

Keeping someone you care about amused is another definition of love. Since your poem ended in dust, it reminded of this poem I sent to a bunch of friends.

By Gail T. Burton

The cockeyed cowboy spurred his horse,
Then down the street he tore,
And ran into the bell that hung
Outside the firehouse door.
Mid clanging bell and squealing horse
He bounced upon the ground
And unconscious lay there in the dust
As the gawkers gathered Œround.

Randy Jones and Booger Red
Came walking down the street
And stopped in contemplation
Of the drunk there at their feet.
³Who¹s the waddie¹² Randy asked
³With his nose broke I can¹t tell.²
³Don¹t know his name,² was Red¹s reply
³But his face sure rings a bell.²

Beware self plug: Aparna, please visit and leave comments on my blog at
and ORKUT profile

Anonymous said...

hey Nice Blog...but I am a bit confused..abt the contents of your blogs... just check this ...
Which one is original??
any one of you shd acknowledge others content...

Aparna Kar said...

anyone wth brains would know who's the original...
bloody plagiarist...

Aparna Kar said...

boy!!! am furious!!!

Aparna Kar said...

Thanks for bringing it to my notice. Things have been dealt with amicably.

Priya Ranjan Singh said...

lol. copyright infringements ;)
the blog doesnt exists anymore.

and about the discussion, yea thats true we r small parts 'f the big design. all to play few roles plus the downcounting days, i think thats a great fear which makes us enjoy everything we have, as its gonna last someday. [as said by a fren f mine :) ]

socrates or some creepy person told:
1. life is a mistery. dont' waste time figrung out what it is.
2. today is the first day for rest 'f ur life.

what does dat leave u wid?

p.s. sry i din mention "the word" anywhr ;)

Priya Ranjan Singh said...

n ya prolly one is designed in a way that love feels happy. diff plc diff one. confusions leads to truth. its nt actually love, its something in ur brain which telsl u its happy :p its all inside.