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Tuesday, July 12, 2005

12th July

I don't know why most people are so prejudiced..their preconcieved ideas and mental images prevent them from embracing new experiences.
I personally believe that if I had "n" similar experiences I could still have a "n+1"th novel one.

Maybe I am a fool or expect exceptions to be rules sometimes at least.
I was with a friend of mine when our car got stuck in a pit.It seems that a very popular mobile service provider had dug up the road and had not taken enough care to make the refilled earth safe enough.
It had been raining for days..and the condition of the road was little better than quicksand.
People came over to help us and towing was not so easy ..believe me-it was an Accent.
A middle aged gentleman eyed me from head to foot and remarked-
" Driver aisi solid hai to gaadi to phasey gi hi!"

I found it quite derogatory and coming from an elderly gentleman such a sexist remark was hard to digest.
I swallowed it with the sweetest smile possible and I let him do the talking..trying to figure out what made him think that the size of boobs is inversely proportional to the size of brains?

I was majorly pissed off when he tried to pick a conversation asking me what I was doing and so on and so forth.
Ignoring him completely I moved nearer to my friend who was carrying some bricks to settle the mud.I asked him if he needed some help.
The guy poked in again"Iss ko kehtey hai Samajhwaadita-pehle Gaadi gaaddey main daali aur ab puchtey ho-'Can I help u?' "

I don't know how I held my temper.

14 comments:

ME-MOI-MYSELF said...

Honey, India is filled with "males" like the one you described. And I would be surprised if you told me that you thot that MCPs are an extinct species. Almost every male in India is one - some might not be very overtly so - but deep down inside, at a very basic level, "we" all are.

Arsalan said...

@me-moi-myself

I am NOT :D But give me your definition of MCP first.

@Aparna

You should have kicked him on his ass ... literally ... or at least asked him to buzz off ...

Aparna Kar said...

I thought it is better to ignore...but had a foul mood for the rest of the evening...and honestly..I was NOT driving the car even...when he discovered that..he changed his tune...
was telling it happens to even expert drivers..blah blah..that he was driving to Faridabad when he got stuck in some god damned place...
I wonder why I was listening at all...

ME-MOI-MYSELF said...

@samik:
Mura, a MCP is one who is a sexist. For whom, the definition of a woman is being fair (read WHITE :P), one who has sizeable assets, like Aparna says, big boobs, or a nice butt, sexy figure .. stuff like that, who are "trophies" to flaunt around; "Man: You know my wife is a BSc and MSc gold medalist.

Observer: Oh, great. You must be very proud! So what does she do now?

Man: Oh nothing. She wants to do a PhD in the US, but I have told her, that if she wants to do a PhD she has to do it where I am, even if it means doing it from Jhumri Talaiya. I mean, she could easily get into Stanford (*pride) but I have told her No.

Observer: Hey dude, but thats not fair. I mean why dont you move to the US? Being a s/w engieer, I guess it would be pretty easy for you.

Man: Ah no. I dont like the US, so I dont want ot move there.

Observer: So does that mean that she has to sacrifice her career?

Man: Ofcourse not. Just that she cant do her PhD in the US. Thats final."

I could cite some more examples like this. Even the simple things in life, like making statements like "Boy, that is one babe ...". Very simple. Very much accepted nowadays. But very sexist.

saurabh Bhatia said...

Dear Aparna,
I personally feel that ppl like this shud be castrated.
U shud hv asked some other men around for help.
& mr. me-moi-myself, u cant epitomise the whole male community by just looking into urself or just ppl around u.

Arsalan said...

@Rozy
Mura, a MCP is one who is a sexist.

Ok.

For whom, the definition of a woman is being fair (read WHITE :P), one who has sizeable assets, like Aparna says, big boobs, or a nice butt, sexy figure .. stuff like that,

I don't think sexist or MCP means the above ... my sexual or physical preferences may be such, for example ... does that mean I am biased against women ? No. That means I prefer white women with big boobs, nice butt, sexy figure for sex ... it turns me on more ...

But if all that matters to me about a woman is she is white blah blah blah ... then I agree with you.

Aparna, will you please give a woman's point of view ?

who are "trophies" to flaunt around;

This is sexist or MCPish.

"Man: You know my wife is a BSc and MSc gold medalist.

Observer: Oh, great. You must be very proud! So what does she do now?

Man: Oh nothing. She wants to do a PhD in the US, but I have told her, that if she wants to do a PhD she has to do it where I am, even if it means doing it from Jhumri Talaiya. I mean, she could easily get into Stanford (*pride) but I have told her No.

Observer: Hey dude, but thats not fair. I mean why dont you move to the US? Being a s/w engieer, I guess it would be pretty easy for you.

Man: Ah no. I dont like the US, so I dont want ot move there.

Observer: So does that mean that she has to sacrifice her career?

Man: Ofcourse not. Just that she cant do her PhD in the US. Thats final."


This I think is selfish or maybe even sexist .... And you are very unselfish and unsexist :))

Even the simple things in life, like making statements like "Boy, that is one babe ...". Very simple. Very much accepted nowadays. But very sexist.

Come on. That statement itself is not sexist. What is in the ... part maybe. That part may be in bad taste. But "that is one babe" is Ok, I think. If a girl is beautiful, what's there in saying that she is so ? I think your point is women treated "purely" as sex objects. If so, I agree with you.

I don't know but don't girls ever discuss guys from a sexual angle ? Does that make them FCPs ?

ME-MOI-MYSELF said...

@saurabh bhatia:
You might be correct (which I doubt highly). But I can only comment based upon my experiences which unfortunately includes myself (first and foremost) and people around me and whatver the various forms of media dishes out.

ME-MOI-MYSELF said...

@samik:
I said "the definition of a woman" not what kind of a woman he prefers! But inspite of the fact that I am cribbing about techanicalities, that is exactly what I mean.

Somebody who is dark isn't even considered to be a woman. Somehow, they are just "It", I guess. I fail to understand that .. but thats just me.

Wrt babe; well, I dunno, if you were to say, "she is a very good looking woman", I would term that as appreciation. Babe, for me somehow implies an "object of desire" connotation, the stress being on "object" and not "desire". [:-)] And with due respect to the ppl who coined the word, I think, it was meant to imply just that. And not to be generically used on womankind. Which if you ask me is sexist in nature.

Were you taking a dig at me wrt that unselfish and unsexist part? I somehow couldn't understand what you were trying to get at!?! Yeah, I know, I am dumb! [;)]

There are such things called FCPs though they mightn't necessarily be called that. They are feminists. And dont get me started about feminism and feminists. I have lots more to say on that than just mere efforts to "emptomise the entire male community." [;)]

Arsalan said...

@Rozy

I said "the definition of a woman" not what kind of a woman he prefers!

Kewlio.

Wrt babe; well, I dunno, if you were to say, "she is a very good looking woman", I would term that as appreciation. Blah blah blah ...

One more kewlio ...

Were you taking a dig at me wrt that unselfish and unsexist part?

Oh no ... quite the opposite ... referring to the Aussie thingy .. though I don't know what you yourself really think about it.

Aparna Kar said...

Oh My! My!
I seem to have started a controversial topic here!
Will put down my veiws soon..when I get a breather

AakASH!!! said...

And the oldies are too... :-)

Aparna Kar said...

Ok..I have a breather now..lemme say something

Ya..girls do talk about guys too..if u happen to be listening to a group of prurient young women in a coffee house or campus u'll often hear remarks such as..Did u check out the new guest student from XYZ?Or the group leader of ABC in TRENDS?
He's a killer...
Ooh his eyes!
Man his shoulders...
I wonder how good would he be?

Or conversely-
he is a YUCK!
CHHI!! U dated him?What got into u?
etc etc
(and these are the censored versions)

It's ok in a closed group.
But in a country like ours-most people are not comfortable with their sexuality and people who are ...are deemed to be mavericks...or worse- anamolous.

I,personally,like appreciating attributes..(call me a FCP if u want)
But I don't know how many guys would be comfortable if I told them casually-Hey u have got a nice rack.or a great pair of lips,or amazing shoulders...the list goes on(limited by ur imagination)
9 out of 10 would be taken aback.
Would wonder what I am upto.
Or deem I am indecent or crazy or amoral(if not immoral)

But the probelm is not the subject..it is the expression

Most people don't know how to appreciate beauty when they see it...
or they do it so grossly..it appears disgusting.
no female would like to be followed around in a mall..(at least not me-it gives the creep)

Lewd remarks would make a day really bad

But certain stunts could be really welcome...

Like it happened once

A guy who was parked -honked his car,suddenly
zoomed past..took a U-turn. n came back to where he was..

better than"Oh what a babe!"
Or"Check her out! She's Hot!!!"
Or "Excuse me Miss..can I be ur friend"
those are moth eaten pick up lines...
wish guys were more innovative!!!

Arsalan said...

But the problem is not the subject..it is the expression

That is what is called "hitting the nail on the head."

Another thing I wanted to say - sometimes among guys it is the kind of "in" thing to discuss about women in lewd terms which I find quite repulsive. I don't know whether these people are actually like that or whether it's a "group" phenomenon. Kind of the "hip" thing to do ???

Personally, what physically attracts me in a woman is her face - her eyes, her hair ... and I am pretty open about it. I will openly express it with the girl and with others. Don't really care what anybody thinks. Of course, wisdom, kindness are much much greater turn-ons than anything physical.

ME-MOI-MYSELF said...

9 out of 10 would be taken aback.

True. And 10/10 would believe that you are hitting on them. U wud judged "amoral" (I like this word).

The other thing I would like to point out is that the lines you mentioned are cliched pickup lines I know, but they can also be genuine. As in, what do I tell someone, who I want to talk to, but dont know her yet. The most obvious things like, "Hi ... blah blah blah", right? It gets you started talking or not. The catch lies in determining whether its a genuine interest shown in you as a person .. or its just a standard pickup line (for want of other things to say/do). Very difficult to determine.

Personally, I would like it if some unknown woman came up to me and said, I like you or I like your sex-appeal. Depending upon whether I like her or not I would either strike a genuine conversation, or just strike a polite convo. say bye and buzz off.