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Sunday, July 31, 2005

The Butterfly Effect

People often say the most striking feature about me is my love for life.. my desire to live every moment of it..
But I wasn' born with it.. I did not have this much reverence for life always...

We are familiar with the popular theory that the flapping of a butterfly's wings in China(or Tahiti)
could cause tiny atmospheric changes which over a period of time could effect weather patterns in New York(or Kansas)...(several versions are available )

It means..change a small thing..and change everything..
Let me relate how a tiny piece of broken glass changed my attitude towards life.

Let me begin from the beginning...
I was in 1st year then...
Went up to my hostel roof bare footed and carelessly walked over some broken pieces of glass;I got myself pricked and as habit had it..I took it lightly until I saw my left sole turn tumid and faced difficulty in walking.

Doctors-try my best to avoid them..but had to consult one..he discovered a piece of glass embedded in my foot and suggested I take some medication first
which did not make any difference and I had to undergo an incision.
That was hardly an event...seeing urself getting incised is not a happy thought but I was too curious to find out how much I can bear .
And when I was about to enter the O.T ,I saw a doctor tring to revive a hysteric with slaps that is enough to rattle ur brains..she woke up with fits n started screaming..
It was so comic I couldn't help lauging heartily...the doc probably took me for some major nut..
But someone had said rightly.."I cut my finger-it's tragedy,u fall in an open sewage and die-it's comedy

Now an incision can't be stitched (if u had a restless childhood u probably know by now)
It has to be left as an open wound..bandaged and allowed to heal...
But the medical problem I was encountering body was already used to stronger strains than the ones used in the antibiotic I was prescribed (I discovered later) and it was not responding to the doses
As an obvious wound refused to heal.
Dad and Mom got to know about it soon..
What followed was a series of refers until I landed up in Max Hospital ,Panchsheel Park under the observation of Dr.Shipra Shindey.
During the dressing sessions I had never dared to look at it..fearing that if I saw it I might think I am ill and won't recover quickly..
While examining, the face of the doctor got distorted and as she called in my Dad to witness(who had his own share of unsightly visions during the early days of his career )-he gave the grave expression of looming menace.
I decided to have look and when I saw-I knew what I had done...

An ugly hole and raw flesh gaping at me...YUCK!
She said what she had to ..She thought it was too late..n since I had not taken care or got myself a Tetanus shot..I might have contracted the disease...
Nevertheless,she asked for a Pus Culture and asked us to wait until the results came in.
We made a silent agreement and decided not to say anything about this to Mom until the results came.

While we were heading home...I saw Dad looking out of the window of the car ,sitting beside me..
..and I imagined to have seen a tear in his eyes..
I felt guilty and irresponsible and was overwhelmed to discover the magnitude of his love...
He didn't say a mean word..or rebuke me ...or be unkind to me...
I would have felt much better if he had..

I was adamant and kept saying to myself..nothing is going to happen to me..
I have so much to do...!!
That day I prayed fervently.
My only worry was I would never be able to dance again..I called up my friends and said the same.. they encouraged me..
helped me keep faith..some would visit me whenever they could and talk and giggle like nothing was wrong.

I can confess..I was scared...
scared by their abnormal naturalness..
D-day came..and miraculously ( she said...99% chances were it would be positive result showing the presence of bacteria)
the test result was was so incredulous to a medical practitioner-she wanted another test to be done..

However I did not need it and a stronger dose of antibiotics made things better.
Little by little I started ambling and while my parents slept I would sneak out to the stairs and try to climb them .

In another month's time I was able to walk again while I was taking my final exams.

I still believe..if I did not believe I will live..I wouldn't have..


Arsalan said...

You really write very well :)

Aparna Kar said...

Thanks Samik!!
I had just finished the rough sketch and u already had a comment ready.u really encourage a lot...
try reading the edited version now...
BTW whr's Rozy comments from him for a long time..

Arsalan said...

I see he scrapped you :)

Arkus Caesar said...

but then!!..the rel question you stilll dance???..:)

Aparna Kar said...

Aah! He did!
Well..almost anytime now... :)

Anshuman Ghosh said...

the will to live, or for that matter, the will to overcome things that come ur way, come to the fore only in trying times... thats when the true-blue colors are visible, the survivor in you surfaces.

Ram said...

a near-brush with death ought to make you live life for the moment.. that sounds logical enough.. except, you also need a good memory.. sadly, i dont.. so i make do with having a fresh brush with death each time the memory of the old one fades.. :-/

nice post, though i dont believe in the butterfly effect, romantic though it may sound.. the world is filled with too many strong-willed elements that the will of one butterfly, or even an elephant for that matter, couldnt force all of them to change their course..

anuj said...

well ur a brave girl. Quite a life changing incident it was. And if thats how one can discover to live life than thats too dangerous. So now may be i will try to live my life to the fullest. U never know what can happen next. So live it lively.


Ur dad is "KEWL"!

Rainbow Warrior said...

Nice one ....everytime , your blog writings get better and better .
Well do tell me more about the other Butterfly Effect tahiti + nyc + china.......
take care

Aparna Kar said...

He's super Keeeeewl!

raja said...

Hmmm...that must have been scary.
But as far as I know Tetanus has only around 10%-15% mortality rate which in India is kinda close to jaundice or typhoid I guess. It is usually treated by administering Diazepam. So the point is that I think it was mean of your doc to say it results in painful death....
:) Well then I guess you fell for that :)
BTW the movie "Butterfly Effect" is an excellent one which has a very interesting take on this theory

Kapil said...

Interesting blog-page!!



AakASH!!! said...

I have missed so much in so much of time...
Another good narrative :-)

Aparna Kar said...

Thanks Aakash...u r a darling...
haven't read ur posts for a quite a while now...
I guess I am missing as much...
Stay in touch...

Prasoon said...

~miracles do happen~

omar said...

Aparna you really dont know what you have done , u know u`vw made my eyes wet its raining through them .. u`ve made me remember my pain when i met with an accident .... u are amazing so lively. thanks my eyes were dry for long , they needed to be cleaned.

Aparna Kar said...

U r so perceptive..Thanks..

Aparna Kar said...

Yes ..miracles do happen..

And any mundane reality could yield a theophany,if approached with reverent imagination: a place, a rock, a tree, a man or a woman

Just felt like quoting God from Bruce Almighty
"If U want to see the miracle..
Be the miracle"