Light and Shade

Me at Agra Fort,2006. Courtesy:Bro

This is a testimonial I recently got from an old school buddy-

"When you are all alone with ur back stuck against the dark wall of lonliness,when nothing seems right and monsters run in ur head, when life seems a never ending sea of misery and you have no shore of hope,when you are lost in a jungle and have no way to get out, when you believe death is better than life..... one moment that makes you pull urself up, the moment where you want to fight for a cause, the moment which makes u feel you are not a loser, and the moment you find that life is precious and misery is too little compared to the happiness that you've ever felt....yes... that lil moment which is far bigger and greater than your entire life....
.... is my dear " APU "

I had almost forgotten the happiness I was capable of giving myself and to others..
I can confess..I had forgotten to smile...

I had a junior named Anchal in college, who called on me just before I was about to leave after the completion of my course. She sat face to face in my hostel room and said -
"Lara* Ma'm...there is something I need to say..
You might have often wondered why I am so fiercely devoted to you.
I want to say that you had saved my life unknowingly.
One day I was very very depressed, and was contemplating suicide when I just happened to cross the canteen where I saw you laughing with your friends.
The ring of your laughter, and the smile on your face appeared so divine, so magical that I stopped for a while and wondered if this isn't what life is all about?
But what was I doing to myself?
The following day I came over to you to fetch a book..but that was just an excuse to know you better..and I haven't regretted it.
You have taught me to live...
Promise me today..no matter what..
you will never let that smile of yours fade away...
If not for yourself, for thousands like me
who learnt to smile again after seeing you"

Needless to say, I was touched and I had promised her that day, I'd try my best.
**************

For the past few months, my life has been one roller-coaster ride..and I am referring ONLY to my personal domain.

It has been a long chain of crests and troughs of alternate ecstasy and depression..until I reached a moment where I thought I'd go mad!!!

But there was this li'l moment which happenned..which made me feel..there was no yesterday..
And tomorrow is a vision of hope
Of wondrous joy,
Of happiness more than I thought I was capable of..

And I want to thank the person who brought it unto me

Thank you :)

(* I was nicked "Lara" by my father because I was an ace in figuring out secret passages in Tomb Raider..
and Ma'am coz our juniors had to address us as SIR or MADAM in college..)

My favourite things

This is what Julie Andrews had to say in The Sound of Music:

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens,
brown paper packages tied up with strings,
these are a few of my favorite things.

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels,
door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles.
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings.
these are a few of my favorite things.

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes,
snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes,
silver white winters that melt into springs,
these are a few of my favorite things.

When the dog bites, when the bee stings,
when I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
and then I don't feel so bad.

My favourite things include:

1. Mom waking me up in the morning by planting kisses on my face
2. An unexpected gift, with lots of wrapping ..and the anticipation associated with it while I unwrap it :)
3. A bash in the middle of the night when my friends surprise me on my birthday
4. A cute puppy playing by the road..better still..lots of puppies :P and their wet noses when they try to bury their heads in my hands
5. A toothless grin of an infant
6. A wild flower growing by the hedge
7. A ray of sunshine through the leaves of a bough
8. Patterns made by traffic lights on the wall of my room when I have retired to bed
9. Fireflies in a field at night
10. Lying on my back on a grassy lawn and gazing at a sky full of stars
11. Waking up to the call of someone I was dreaming about
12. Being reminded of an old song I had forgotten the lyrics of
13. Call/Mail from a long lost friend
14. Giving the last exam
15. 40+ comments on any of my posts :p

The list is endless :)..Thankfully

The Pygmalion Effect

Pygmalion seeing his statue come to life
by Francois Le Moyne
Paris 1688-1737
French Rococo Artist

Pygmalion(Greek Mythology) : A king of Cyprus who carved and then fell in love with a statue of a woman, which Aphrodite brought to life as Galatea.

The Pygmalion effect (or Rosenthal effect) refers to situations in which students perform better than other students simply because they are expected to do so.

Wondering why am I referring to it?

Read the following write-up which recently fetched me a prize in a creativity contest in my office on the eve on Independence Day.

*****
What does the 59th Anniversary of Indian Independence mean?
Is it just another holiday? 59 free years after 150 years of colonial rule- where do you stand?

India 2006: 1,080,264,388 people
1652 languages
25 and more regional divisions

We have so many things to divide us yet a single spirit to unite us.
Incidents like the recent blasts in Mumbai may have wounded our bodies but they couldn't jade our souls.
The legacy of a rich cultural heritage has taught us that we can conquer even without invading. We can find Indian culture, tradition and beauties diffusing into every other culture of the world and yet standing a class apart.

Facts like- 26% of NASA scientists are Indians- will make any true Indian proud.

We are like the emblematic tricolour kites that are flown on the occasion -our spirits have soared higher with every gust of contrary wind.

My vision is seeing the poet's (Tagore) dream true:

Where the head is held high
and the mind is without fear
Into that kingdom of Heaven, my Father,
my country will awake
*****

The day the creativity contest was announced(14th August), my TM asked me -Ae tui dicchish na?
(Aren't you participating?)
unaware of the fact that everyone in the company was handed a post card.
I told her I got one and I will try and scribble something.

Something in her tone said that she had faith in me and that made me want to live up to it.
15th was a holiday and I was busy practising for the upcoming music performance on 2nd September.
16th was a terrible day when I started for office but came back from halfway coz I had a terrible stomach ache.
While the rest of the day passed in a daze,I thought to myself 17th is the last day to submit the card.
The following morning I woke up at 5 am, organized my thoughts for 10 mins and in another 3 mins' time I filled up the card.
Today when I saw all the entries on display, I thought to myself, I could have done it better..more colourful maybe...could have added a sketch...ummm
Then,I could have got the first prize maybe
Anyways, there's always a next time.

Oh btw, going back to the title of the post- I'd say...all through my life I have seen people believing in me and my capabilities even when my faith in me wavered a little.

My family, my friends, my professors,...and now in my workplace my colleagues and seniors.

Oh My Gawd! I am sounding like I just got the Oscar!
Well, until I get something tantamounting to that I can always cherish these little achievements when I topped ICSE in school or got JBNSTS scholarship or scored highest in my fav subject.

Each day has a gift to give
Small joys and great ones too
Beauty to see and songs to hear
And wonderful things to do

Enjoy each to the fullest
For they add up to nothing less
Than a life full of lovely moments
And a heart full of happiness

Tagged-I

I have been tagged before by Shashi but never really got time to finish it.
This time around,Candid invented some real weird stuff and tagged me which I took up as a challenge.

Some of the content that follows is for 18+, parental guidance is strictly advised :P

If you were to adopt a pseodonym it would be:
Little Red Riding Hood (oh yeah..it's a jungle out there alright)
If Condi Rice/ Jim Carry proposes you:
To Rice: You know honey, I really get turned on by power, but you got the wrong gender.
To Kerry : I dig a good sense of humour...but you will probably bury me in yours.

What’s you solution for conflict between Israel and Lebanon:
ummmmmmmmm
ummmmmmmmmm
ummmmmmmmmm
still trying to think something which makes some sense.
Coz this whole affair doesn't

What would you do when you find there is no toilet paper/ water in a loo :
Use the neighbor's loo

What do you do when your partner weighs 300 lbs:
Sleep on the sofa

Your recipe for a weird food. Yuck!
No way man..no food can be that bad...except if some day I have to chew my bro's socks :p

What do you do with a schizophrenic cat?
Will never let my guy walk naked in front of her.
You never know what she might think of as a mouse..OOPS

How do you handle a wrong job?
I guess I'll simply throw it up..
Don't think I will be able to do something which I don't really enjoy

When did you have your last black out?
Yesterday

You catch Cupid admiring his work on you. What do you tell him?
So u finally managed to hit me with one of your arrows..eh?

If you were to choose between Viagra and an aged partner :
Well, an aged partner..coz I would make sure he wouldn't need it
Something that you would never tell your bf / gf?
It wasn't love
(I think the only reason I will ever be with a person is because of that four- lettered word.
No I didn't mean that three-lettered word)
What’s the secret of your health?
I smile a lot
One reason why a dog is better than a man:
I could give 101 reasons.
Still..some are:
1.It doesn't mind if you pig on chocolates and stand the mortal peril of gaining weight
1. It doesn't talk about its ex like she were some demi-goddess.
1.It always wags its tail when you come home, no matter how bad a day it had
1.It doesn't have a boss to spoil your plans by calling it up for work on weekends
1. It doesn't complain if you burn the dinner.
1.It lets you sleep.
(I think I will get a pet soon)
Your message to the blogger community:
It might appear weird prima facie..but it's fun..so tag on
LOL

Yahoo account hacked

Oh yeah some SoB is having fun while I am trying to inform my near and dear ones that my yahoo account with the id aparnakar has been hacked, and the password and the contact details have been changed (he made it sure I don't get to protect it).

And I was blissfully unaware of the fact until I got a mail on my alternate email id from yahoo

Your Yahoo! ID is: aparnakar
Your password for this account has recently been changed. You don't need to do anything, this message is simply a notification to protect the security of your account.

So, if u happen to see me online on yahoo messenger...and find me talking weirdly to you ..know it's that... $#^#$@!!@^$#@$^&$$

( Sorry Dad..I will go and wash my mouth after this)

It was simple.
I had been gullible and I am paying for it..

It was some invitation to view an album from a stranger..
It needed to log in with my yahoo id and password...

It struck me once but then I just went ahead with it..

When I logged in..nothin happened..the log in window was still there..and the bloody hacker comfortably got what he wanted.

I just want to say..it is outrageous...
S*** has happened before like people using my photographs and opening fake accounts and then flirting around with half the world...

Those who know me wouldn't believe it, those who didn't..were happy to believe that they got a CATCH!!!

But this time,I am really ANGRY!!!

and you better be careful ..you who dreamt up this joke...coz if I ever happen to find you,I will beat the daylights out of you...

In the meantime I'll try some damage control
TC
and don't let this happen to you...

************************************************************************
Aaugh!!! To top it all...when I logged on to gtalk to display the status msg:
yahoo account hacked..will use only gtalk from now on,
a window popped


kg: hi aparna
h r u
happy independence day
happy krishna astami
hi aparna
h r u
happy independence day


Aparna: read my status msg
n try to realise
i am so angry
i can kill


kg: i cant understand
its an gmail na
ur saying that yahoo a/c hacked
y r u so angry
just spend time with me
anger will goes .........
comeon take it easy....yaar
r u there
w r u doing
hey aparna..........
hellooooooooo
aparna

**********************************************

When did I add this moron?
What was I thinking?

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Mirror, mirror on the wall...

I don't like talking about my work here, primarily because when I started this space I wanted it to be reflection of my personal growth. Partly facts, partly fiction- my previous posts have been a gradual evolution towards my being ME.

But there's one thing I would like to admit..
My job has taught me more than I could ever learn in my academic career.

It's not only about the scholarships I bagged or the highest marks I scored...
It is the credibility I have at my workplace that gives me a real high.

Let's begin with a simple thing..I was never a morning person.
I remember Mom trying to wake me up in winter mornings and I walking in a daze pretending to go to the loo and changing the direction completely to go my parents' room where Dad was sleeping and getting behind him to get some sleep.
It was my castle. I knew I was safe there.

As a child, I enjoyed certain priviledges owing to my Dad's social standing.
But my parents made it very clear to me that no matter how tall your grandfather was, you have to do your own growing

Recently(by that I mean yesterday) one of my colleagues and probably the best buddy I have at office, asked me what does my father do.
I saw his eyebrows raised in admiration and the usual "WOW" when he heard my reply.
I didn't react. But he certainly had something to say..
"You never told me this before.. all these months I have known you"

I said-"You never asked me"
He teased- "Whoa! I will have to be careful with you now !"

"Why? I' d rather like you to be the way you were..and anyways..how does it make a difference? Have I ever shown attitude or referred to my background?"

"No...Never. In fact, everybody at office praises your attitude"

And the conversation followed some other line .

Going back to the morning thingie...

I have to log-in at 6 am since the past few days coz my TM asked me to..

The first day I woke up so early I wondered if it was really Aparna Kar..

But then I smiled and said to myself.."Yes it is"...coz she believes..nothing is impossible..it's all in the state of mind...

10 best things to do when it rains...

1. Get drenched..of course :)
Open ur arms, face towards the sky, close your eyes and let the drops fall on your face..
or better still,dance in the rain.
Get your loved one to join you if he/she is a sport
By "loved one", I meant Dad/Mom, Bro/Sis, best -friend, bf/gf, Granddad/Grandmom, Hubby/wi-fi,...
Got a lovely pet dog? Will do...:)

2. Get really dirty and play football in the mud.
Don't worry about the stains..
Surf Excel hai na :)

3. Try to sip on a cup of hot coffee/tea/hot chocolate while trying to save raindrops from falling in it...

4. Eat roasted corn by the roadside.

5. Cuddle up in the bed with your favourite book.

6. Listen to the pitter-patter on the window panes.

7. Go for a long drive after it has stopped raining, and the weather is clear and the leaves- refreshingly green...
and smell the earth...petrichor*

8. Play soft romantic numbers...
You will feel what you have never felt before- MAGIC!!

9. Write a post on rain :P


Those were my 9 "best things".
Want the 10th one to be yours :)