Copyright

Protected by Copyscape Duplicate Content Software You will copy with risks to penalties and criminal procedures.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

My happy ending

I was reading this article in NYTimes, and I was fascinated to think how similar it is to my story.

For three years now, I have kept quiet about it, because sometimes I was not sure. But for every moment of doubt, there always have been innumerable other moments of faith surging in.

Yesterday, I had an exam to take and had to leave for my class, but there was an UPS delivery expected, made as an exception after three failed attempts. My roommates weren't around either, so I asked SG to come over and receive the shipment for me.

When I came back, he had left but I found notes all over my place. One of the best feelings in the world is knowing that someone is so completely and utterly in love with you.

And it all started with his comments on my blog. Almost an year after he had first tried to chat with me (in Summer 2005) and I had rejected his invitation on an online community, we started chatting again (in June 2006).

It was a phase of my life artists call 'blue', when painters can't identify with any other color than the colors of melancholy. I wrote sad posts sometimes, though, trying hard to restrain my emotions. A public display of any kind would have been vulgar. I doubt the same now, but I want to write something about us. Preferably, the truth.

He was in Cambridge, I was in Noida. We talked to each other every day over the phone. We have been doing it ever since. Soccer, Cliff Richard, discourses of Swami Vivekananda, Existentialism and Camus, are a few keywords from our initial conversations. Though I tried hard to avoid talking to him, mostly on the pretext that I am at office and have work - I found myself drawn to him. It took me a while to realize and accept what it really meant to me.

The first day we met (on Dec 11th, 2006), he proposed to me with a ring, saying : 'I take you as my legally wedded wife.' I still tease about not marrying him until he proposes to me formally. (You know- where I have a chance to say ' No' and be a runaway bride)

Last Summer was the toughest. I was certain there could be no 'us'. I was angry and mad at him. But things change. Someone once told me that if he doesn't love you the way you want, it doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't love you. I agree now. In fact, it is better to be laid back sometimes and let them surprise you pleasantly.

I don't know what the future holds for us. But I know one thing for sure - if I can't be happy with him, I can't be happy with anyone else either.

27 comments:

Saurav said...

I haven't read ur blog in a long time, but I do keep coming back once in a while, and its always a pleasant surprise :)
That 'someone' (who told u that if he doesn't love you the way you want, it doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't love you) is a very wise someone.
I think initially everyone feels that their better half loves them exactly the way they want them to, and that they love them back that way too. But over the years you begin to see that things are actually different. But that doesn't mean that they don't love them.
Its best to not have too many expectations... that way every little romantic thing seems very meaningful... the way it should be..

Tuli said...

Hi Aparna.. This post is something that really assuages the mind and soul.I think the real interpretation of Love could be understood only when you, yourself experience this beautiful feeling and hone your existence from 'I' to 'We'!!!

Focusing on the line "if I can't be happy with him, I can't be happy with anyone else either "...This expression is really substantial!! Liked it very much!
Wishing Your Variegated sky to be mottled with colors of Joy and Happiness for ever!...waiting for the next post! Love

Munmun said...

Coming to your blog (to be precise *any* blog) after a really long time.

Love the way you put a very obvious but often forgotten truth - that "it is better to be laid back sometimes and let them surprise you pleasantly"

I totally believe in this. We all have times of ups and those of downs; but eventually everything gets fine :)

Arko said...

Five. That's how many times I checked back to see if that Cambridge man had anything to say about this post. Zilch.

Aparna Kar said...

Lol. You seem curious to know what he has to say. Unfortunately, he has alreadysaid it over the phone last night . As far as a comment goes, I know he likes to take some quality time off to scribble on my blog - given the usual length of his comments. Have patience, I am sure you'll see something soon. Till then, keep counting :D

Arko said...

Okay. Six now.

Dhananjay said...

this was nice...actually at some extent i had curiosity to learn more about both of you but whenever we met its party all the time..!! but it was good to know inside stories..!! ;) wish you guys good luck.! :)

Anirban said...

@ Aparna : Very nice post. Keep it up. Please post regularly.

@ Arko: I am sure you will get a post from him.

sangram said...

oooh...lala... Now that gets me going even further. Those trifle idiosyncrasies scores a lot i guess. SG has to keep thinking about new innovative non-trivial futuristic ways of impressing upon his better half and that will keep her pen moving, her thoughts rolling and projecting her happiness index to a sky high level...
oh!! btw did i tell you...you have chosen your words with fastidious care ;) ... take care :D ..

Aparna Kar said...

@ Sangram
I said, 'the truth', that needs care. There is a lot to be filled in though. Maybe I should ask SG to guest blog sometime :D

Infinity said...

Appu, its nice to read this post from you and see you grow in love:)Relationships just need time and love to unfold their beauty..

Aparna Kar said...

Who could have seen me grow- both as an individual and in relations- more closely than you? Thanks for the right advice always Pu. :)

Aparna Kar said...

@Dhananjay

Hee Hee. We had narrated it so many times on so many occasions, that I think a post should have been scriptedlong ago ( I have a private blog about us). But I love hearing the story from him always and my interjections make it funny. You should hear the bit when he says how I PSI-ed him initially (Pehchan ne Se Inkaar) LOL. His expressions are priceless then.

Aparna Kar said...

@Saurav
Marriage has really made you wiser :D

"Its best to not have too many expectations... that way every little romantic thing seems very meaningful... the way it should be.."

I never had the slightest idea what kind of person I'd like to be with. I am the sort who could have been happy with anyone really - as long as he loves me. But we have come a long way together. At the end of the day, I do feel glad to have him in my life. There' no shame in admitting that.

Aparna Kar said...

@Tuli

"..I think the real interpretation of Love could be understood only when you, yourself experience this beautiful feeling"

Also, I think you learn to respect the emotions of others only when you have experienced it.

P.S. Good to see your first comment on my blog. Hope to see more of you.

Aparna Kar said...

@Munmun
Glad to drag you back. I blog-hopped to you page hoping to see something. But I guess you have been busy lately. My blog had spider webs on it too.

"...eventually everything gets fine :).." Maybe because we start loving the idiosyncrasies of the person and the flaws make them more adorable. The human psychology is intriguing. Though I wouldn't like to disintegrate love into a combination of chemical responses and nerves impulses, I'd like to know what else Dr. Helen Fisher has to say :D

Anonymous said...

I am happy for you

-WULF

Aparna Kar said...

@Wulf
Thanks :)

Sam said...

I'm not sure why, but I really liked this post a lot. Can't put a finger on it. SG is lucky. And well, have a great life :)
Cheers :)

Aparna Kar said...

@ sam
' SG is lucky' Lol. Now, where have I heard that before? :D There are a lot of uncertainties, but when you believe in something, anything seems possible - isn't it? Pygmalion : Galatea best defines our relation. He is helping me become the woman I have always wanted to be.

Thanks for your wishes. :)

Munmun said...

I am happy for you :)

Sam said...

You said it. With belief anything seems possible. But then you also need the effort. honest effort n belief is what makes a relationship click. (love is a taken for granted ingredient so didn't mention it :D)

Live your dreams!! :)

Cheerio

Sam said...

Strangely enough, while reading this post I was reminded of Lara's theme, from Dr. Zhivago!! Dunno why though...

Anamika said...

Very interesting post coming from you. You are usually liberal with your "to be shared" emotions, but guarded about things where u were especially vulnerable. That's why the part about interesting post. Which also leads me to believe u have reached a pt of security in how you view this relationship. Just an observation...in case u start taking me too seriously.

I am not a huge romantic about relationships even tho my fantasies about a romantic life are unending. But I have to say here one of your conclusions is dead on. It is very important to relax and accept if u want relationships to move ahead. Too high expectations for flowers every Sunday morning are difficult to meet no matter what century u r living in. That being said, u seriously talked about "existentialism" in the beginning of your relationship with ur guy??? :) Wouldn't mind a post about all those ideas you have floating around inside ur head.

Aparna Kar said...

@ Anamika

Interesting observation. And quite true. The sense of security that encompasses the relation now makes me feel stronger.

When we started talking, I don't think I imagined a romance would have been possible. The distance was frustrating. In fact, he went on a date with a Polish girl once when he was talking to me. He had asked me before going. I felt a pang of jealousy - quite surprisingly. He says he talked to her about things he talked to me. And there was never a second date.

It is hard to point out one single thing that made it happen. I believed myself to be a romantic and I thought I knew how love should be. But it is so different when I am living it. It is so much more than I could have possibly imagined. Ever.

Anamika said...

ooo u just made me regret not doing something...

I agree with the love being diff from what we all imagine it to be. For most of my life I was practical, ruthless in relationships with almost everyone and understood love as necessary, deep and protective. For me love didn't mean nurturing/inspiring until I met J. I don't think it means the same for everyone. But I thoroughly enjoy the cocoon I get to live/love in bcos of J. So yes, living it is diff from imagining it.

This reminds me of how a lot of women imagine their marriage...they stop at visualizing a wonderful dreamy wedding and then have no clue how to get past their first argument over closet space! haha. Its a process of self-discovery.

Sumit said...

Was wondering if would be interesting to get a guy's thoughts on this line. just me thinking aloud...