This addresses Munmun's query too. You are not a loser if you fail. You are a loser if you give up. You might have come across that 'Dennis the Menace' wallpaper where he's posing as David and Goliath's legs (probably his dad's :D) are shown. Dennis is aiming his catapult at the giant and it says: No defeat is final until you stop trying. My kind of kid. :D
My faith in myself wavered maybe. But I never gave up on myself. I just can't. It probably began when I switched boards from Indian Certificate of Secondary Education (ICSE) to Tripura Board of Secondary Education (TBSE) in 2000. Quantitative aptitude was never my forte but the mathematics in the state board was a world apart from what I had been taught in my previous school. Ideas and formulas that I had to learn anew, were at the fingertips of my competitors since birth I guess. I was struggling but to no avail. In fact, my extra efforts in Maths cost me the limited hours of study I had for other subjects. Yet, I scored the highest in those without any apparent efforts.
Lesson# Appreciate your strengths. You won't need an 'excuse' to love yourself if you have a 'reason'.
I continued struggling for a while. In the meantime, I bagged a science scholarship where there was only another girl who got it that year. She was a West Bengal topper and was working in PWC, Kolkata when I last knew her. Back home, on my return , my teachers, peers and parents were overjoyed. The rumor was doing the rounds that I was 'the one' for the Lady Hardinge seat for Medical entrance that year (usually the female topper of the state opted for that in those days, if not for Jawaharlal Institute of Postgraduate Medical Education & Research (JIPMER),Puducherry - former Pondicherry). I grew complacent. I almost believed that I have already been interviewed and am heading for Delhi. And I blew it. Obviously.
I still remember the day JEE results were declared. We were conducting a quiz at Rabindra Bhavan when someone arrived with the news that the list is on display near the Dainik Sambad ( a local daily) office. It was at walking distance from the quiz venue and I strode towards the 'doors of destiny'. I was positive I would see my student code in the top three at least. It wasn't there. I found it way below my expectations and while I got back to resume with the quiz, I felt slightly giddy. Probably a sudden change of chemistry in my body gave me that sick feeling.
Mom wanted me to go for the academic counseling. I said there was no reason why I would want to. I looked for the next best option. It isn't easy settling for the second best. It hurts for a long time. Anyways, undergrads, my first job, and then GMAT- those are different chapters in my journal of life.
Today, the scholarships or the JEE results- do not matter at all ! I only know: no one serves you your life on a sizzler tray, it is a do-it-yourself concoction all the while.
P.S Btw, this is going to be incorporated in my next book: "Seasons of love". Don't know how long it will take me to finish it. Seven years is a good time, eh?
Thought for the day
Write to be understood, speak to be heard, read to grow.
-Lawrence Clark Powell