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Saturday, November 24, 2007

How to marry a millionaire

My apologies to those who were looking for the secret bait. This is a forward I received some days back. It reminded me of a story I had read in You Can Win by Shiv Khera. A neighbor eyes a luxury car a man had as a gift from his brother and exclaims : I wish I had a car like that ! The man says : Oh, you should say "I wish I had a brother like that". To this, the neighbor's wife retorts: I wish I were a brother like that. "

Attitude - it might not be everything, but it is something.

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2)Which age group should I target?
3)Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've
met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4)How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty


Here's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same
goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do
contact me…

signed,
J.P. Morgan


Hat tip: Nitin Balakrishnan

20 comments:

Abhinav said...

Lol... As deadpan as a wall street guy can get... Or maybe not... ;-)

Aparna Kar said...

LMAO.. Not only he has his fundas clear, he makes it a point to explain why she is a bad investment :D
And it holds true not only for pretty bimbos , but also for the fortune hunting Bassanios, who think that the simplest way to get what you lack is to find a fool who has it. And sometimes, with an exaggerated notion about their own market value or overnight position :P

Shantanu said...

Ha, ha! :-) There ought to be a modern version of Aesop's fables...

arnab said...

there was a lengthy discussion on the freakonomics blog about this. you can find it here

FireWhisky said...

tee hee... recievd this in my email ystrday 2... relly witty...

saikat said...

lol ...that was funny..especially the response... :D

abir said...

... and now i also know why she doesn't have a $500k annual income
LoL

Sam said...

lolzzz..... that ws gud and frankly dats how things shud be evaluated... at least at a subconscious level!!

Da Rodent said...

ROFLMAO .. :D

Munmun said...

hehe, that's hilarious!! I don't even feel pity on the girl! :D smart guy indeed!

Aparna Kar said...

@shantanu
Yeah. With a little something for everyone :D

Aparna Kar said...

@arnab
OMG! I have received a version that has been made palatable by euphemizing to degree 'n'. That one is a bit raw for my tastes..

Aparna Kar said...

@saikat
That's why it's on my blog :P I loved that wisecrack's reply

Aparna Kar said...

@FireWhisky
Yup it is :D It has been doing the rounds on the Internet for quite some time now. Good filler post for a stressed out blogger :P

Aparna Kar said...

@abir
Really? :P

Aparna Kar said...

@Sam
Honesty is the best policy. At all levels of consciousness!

Aparna Kar said...

@Da Rodent
ROFLMAO2

Aparna Kar said...

@Munmun
Who's feeling sorry for her :D
But if you read the version at the Freakonomics blog, you'll be sorry for him too. He's the kind of jerk who doesn't deserve a girl.. but then you never know. People can choose to/pretend to be what they want.

ranJan said...

hehe. when ppl earn $500k they get out 'f their mind :p . but money might help stop the beauty depreciation stuffs. its like mr. morgan would chose to marry a gal whos black so dat he can use whole f hz money to make her white one day and feel good abt it :)

arnab said...

that's why the one on freakonomics blog seems more like what an american would write, while what you were forwarded was certainly "edited" by someone not from usa (maybe an indian?), because no american would use the phrase "new york city garden" :-)